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Old 02-08-2020, 01:07 PM
alongjourney alongjourney is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2020
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alongjourney is on a distinguished road

Originally Posted by first timer View Post
Now there are people who would say, well you should have fought for sole custody and restricted their mother's access. I don't agree with taking this stance because they love their mother very much and that would have done more damage than good. I had 50/50 access with our children which meant that for half the time our children had a parent in their lives who was mature and reasonable, and used common sense and reacted appropriately.
I'll chime in, hoping that it helps others because these situations truly suck:

I see it a bit differently and that is likely based on my situation: only once the kids had no real access to the mom (she pushed them away with some nasty behavior) did the kids really start to heal. That's when I was able to work with my young one (and therapist) to really develop emotional control so that he stops acting like his mom. His suicidal thoughts are pretty much gone, he had some before the divorce. My oldest one ended up the scapegoat for a while and he realised what he went through when he was a kid (how much stress he was under, and it turns out that was the cause of what we thought was chronic pain). I had not realised any of this at the time. No one did.

So for me, 50-50 is a no go. I want kids to feel safe in their home. I don't want them to be walking on eggshells at all time. They'll re-grow their relationship with their mom slowly over time but at least I'll be able to minimize road bumps.
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