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  • #61
    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
    so very true. Once again kids are the losers because the adults in their lives cannot get their shit together.
    Totally agree, the kids always lose out when the parents can't put their best interests first. In this case, there are more than just the parents involved, but it's up to the parents to maintain those boundaries for their children and sadly that hasn't happened here.

    Originally posted by good_mom View Post
    You are all a bunch of hypocrites...does this mean we should not believe any of your sides of your story in your situations because we are only hearing you and not your exs!
    Everything should ALWAYS be taken with a grain of salt unless you have first hand knowledge and experience with the situation. Common sense dictates that unless both parties are posting their sides, you're only ever hearing one of the three sides (in this case, 4): Hers, His and the truth.


    And the whole butting out....when we see an injustice, then we should all walk away! Not my business, your getting robbed, abused...not my problem, not my business...I was told to butt out!

    So what he is emotional..that tells me he cares. He had a valid questions and some of you past judgment.

    SHAME ON YOU! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT AND BASHING MOM TOO!
    There's a huge difference between taking an interest in someone else's relationship and inserting yourself in the middle of it and creating a high conflict situation. Justify it anyway you want, but take a step back and realize he is THE only one getting any enjoyment out of the situation he's creating by interfering to this degree. It's entirely self-serving - he wants to be a white knight to this woman, at the expense of the kids.

    Mom needs to step up, put the boyfriend in his place - OUT of the relationship the kids have with their father - and take care of her own business on her own. This man's involvement is, by his own admission, only serving to inflame the situation.

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by good_mom View Post
      You are all a bunch of hypocrites...does this mean we should not believe any of your sides of your story in your situations because we are only hearing you and not your exs!

      And the whole butting out....when we see an injustice, then we should all walk away! Not my business, your getting robbed, abused...not my problem, not my business...I was told to butt out!

      So what he is emotional..that tells me he cares. He had a valid questions and some of you past judgment.

      SHAME ON YOU! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT AND BASHING MOM TOO!
      You can believe what you want. I know my situation and I think I am a better person to tell my side of the story then a third party. Never once have I claimed to be perfect.

      There is an injustice here and its to the kids, not the OP.

      Emotional can also mean fear of losing control or anger management problems and probably lots more. You can't tell that he has serious issues with the DAD in this situation? You don't think the kids can feel that?

      Where is mom? why isn't she posting on here? She would be the better one to be posting then the OP as she is directly involved.

      Comment


      • #63
        oh great more self righteous bs to justify a point of view....

        Comment


        • #64
          Originally posted by momforever1956 View Post
          Iceberg--the Op is putting his nose in where it doesn't belong. It isn't his child!!!
          Did you by any chance read what it says under forum categories?


          Parenting Issues (3 Viewing)
          This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by Gooddadbadbreak View Post
            Did you by any chance read what it says under forum categories?


            Parenting Issues (3 Viewing)
            This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.
            So, what's the parenting of step-children question then? I've read most of this thread, haven't come across much about the step-children at all. A lot about step-dad, mom and bio-dad, but what is the struggle with the step-children?

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by good_mom View Post
              You are all a bunch of hypocrites...does this mean we should not believe any of your sides of your story in your situations because we are only hearing you and not your exs!

              And the whole butting out....when we see an injustice, then we should all walk away! Not my business, your getting robbed, abused...not my problem, not my business...I was told to butt out!

              So what he is emotional..that tells me he cares. He had a valid questions and some of you past judgment.

              SHAME ON YOU! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT AND BASHING MOM TOO!
              I wasn't going to bother posting this bio daddy bashing thread because of how the previous one went down but someone I was PM-ing thought it would be useful for others who are going through a similar situation to learn from it.

              I had my doubts but posted it anyway.

              Well, the lesson learned here is don't post negative daddy or mommy bashing threads on ottawa divorce, unless you want to open yourself up to the parallel universe of some posters. They ignore the point of this thread "this useless piece of shit deadbeat dad" and try to make their point about something else.

              No matter how evil to the core the human being I'm describing has shown himself to be, these nutty posters ignore this and make a bigger deal of the fact I'm crying foul. Or don't like my language. Or infer that my language on this message board says anything about who I am.... Whatever their point is I don't care.

              Solution: don't feed the trolls

              Comment


              • #67
                The fact that a father is not behaving well makes it very sad for the child or children involved.
                You would be way more productive in setting an example of how a step-parent steps up to the plate to help his partner and ultimately show how a father should behave instead of using this forum to bash the bio-dad. Your attitude of this deadbeat dad does no one good, just exposes your anger which is counter-productive.
                How does this help anyone? If you feel the need to release your anger consider speaking to therapist.

                Comment


                • #68
                  You know the thread irritates me because we are using the term "bio Dad". But we do not say "bio Mom". Why is the term bio Dad being used? Is it not Dad or Step Dad or Boy Friend? I thought the term BioDad would only be appropriate to use if the parent had given up parental rights.

                  So regardless of what " Step Dads" issues are with Dad he should not refer to him as Bio Dad. I think it rather underlines the whole problem. The Step Dad is in his opinion doing all the " right " things and Dad is not. And for some reason this is upsetting him. If Dad had been so great he would not be the EX.

                  Move on Step Dad.
                  Last edited by Beachnana; 02-19-2014, 11:44 PM. Reason: Grammar errors lol

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    I think this thread has gone off track. The OP has expressed his frustration with the fact that the biological father spends less time with the autistic child than with the other son. The mother has recently given her permission to the father to take one son on a vacation for 2 weeks while leaving the other son at home. I believe the OP is concerned that this is setting a precedent which will continue. He has expressed his frustration that he observes the father is favoring one child over another.

                    Generally speaking, the responses have been varied but seem to focus on perceived shortcomings of the OP. Many think he should stay out of the matter. Some think he should offer tips to the father on parenting an autistic child, and so on.

                    I think very few of us, myself included, don't have a clue of what is required in raising autistic children. I commend the OP for being there for this child when the father clearly has opted to be an absentee parent.

                    I certainly wouldn't be making any excuses for the biological father. He alone has to live with his conscience.

                    In the OP's situation he can do little than offer support to his partner. This must have been a very difficult decision for her. Perhaps she merely wants the other son to experience quality alone time with the father. It can't be easy on anyone in the family.

                    While looking on the internet for a friend today who might send her child away to a summer camp I noticed there were camps for children with disabilities. Maybe a summer camp, staffed with experienced compassionate people, is the way to go. Stick the father with the bill. Autistic child will probably be much happier in a structured environment.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by momforever1956 View Post
                      The fact that a father is not behaving well makes it very sad for the child or children involved.
                      You would be way more productive in setting an example of how a step-parent steps up to the plate to help his partner and ultimately show how a father should behave instead of using this forum to bash the bio-dad. Your attitude of this deadbeat dad does no one good, just exposes your anger which is counter-productive.
                      How does this help anyone? If you feel the need to release your anger consider speaking to therapist.
                      See what I mean? This forum lol

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Arabian, kids receive the best care thanks to he Mom who makes all the arrangements, pays all the bills while Sperm Donor is 5 digits in arrears since separation. Negociation btwn the two parties has gone nowhere. Court is coming.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Sometimes court is the best option, particularly when dealing with a party who is non-compliant with support arrears. When that does happen I hope you stay home and let the lawyer do what needs to be done.

                          You will never change the father, rather hope that he will pay what he is supposed to pay. I'm sure your family needs every penny to provide for a quality and supportive lifestyle for the autistic son.

                          I don't know anything about CS matters but perhaps annual attendance at a special needs camp could be included in the special expenses part?

                          You'd be best to focus your energies in a positive way which will benefit the boy.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Don't want to comment on the particulars previously express in this thread but I will comment on the general because I am the parent of special need kids.

                            It puts everyone... Parents, the special child, their siblings, everyone... In a real difficult situation. From my personal experience I will say that living this reality really brings out character traits of the involved individuals. I have chosen to step up and face things in a very different way than my ex. I am and have always been the sole caregiver of the children. My entire life path has changed as a result of providing for them the best I can and it hurts me to see my ex chose not to step up. Instead of advocating and celebrating successes, he says he "does not want a defective kid". Again, in my case, over the years, there continues to be a definite "favouritism" for lack of better terminology. It hurts me and the kids. It is just not "right" but what can you do? Just provide what you can and mitigate the damage.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by smileandwalkaway View Post
                              Don't want to comment on the particulars previously express in this thread but I will comment on the general because I am the parent of special need kids.

                              It puts everyone... Parents, the special child, their siblings, everyone... In a real difficult situation. From my personal experience I will say that living this reality really brings out character traits of the involved individuals. I have chosen to step up and face things in a very different way than my ex. I am and have always been the sole caregiver of the children. My entire life path has changed as a result of providing for them the best I can and it hurts me to see my ex chose not to step up. Instead of advocating and celebrating successes, he says he "does not want a defective kid". Again, in my case, over the years, there continues to be a definite "favouritism" for lack of better terminology. It hurts me and the kids. It is just not "right" but what can you do? Just provide what you can and mitigate the damage.
                              Preach on Sister!

                              Sounds exactly like the Douchebag we are dealing with. Embarassed by his own child that he never took the kids to the restaurant as a family.

                              Just last night I hear the poor little fella coughing. I notice the sheets are on the floor so I put them back on. I rub some vicks on chest/back and provide water by the bedside. I come back to my bed and my partner says DB would have never done that. Piece of shit human being he is.

                              Comment

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