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  • assaut and divorce

    I was married in may 2010 and my husband assauted me in Jan 2011. As we were in the process of building a new home, he moved to it as we were not to see each other until June of 2011. We tried to move back together but the damage was done. I then left the matrionmoinal home. I had a home previously and had owned for 16 years. in July he gave me a black eye and i tried to hide it. My daughters reported the incident to police but i avoided them as i was embarrassed. In sept he phoned as he had been to a lawyer and wanted to talk as his lawyer wanted 15,000 as a retainer. I have his papers from the lawyer as he dropped them on his way out after sitting on the couch smugly informing me that he would contest my will, and that I would have to pay him support as I make more then him and would have to cut him a check in the end. I repeatedly asked him to leave as I was shaking and stunned. I pretended to call the police and he backhanded me and asked if I was calling the police. i hung up and dialed 911 and he took the phone and left. The police arrived and they found my phone outside. He was charged and now I am advised to go for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty. Does the law provide that I pay for being abused? I have tried to search on the internet, but can't seem to find the right site that provides the answer.

  • #2
    Sounds like you are older and brought assets to marriage. Did he?
    SS is complicated and INCOME based - how different are your incomes?
    for the last 3 years?
    You dont have children together? You have kids? Does he? Did they live with you? He MAY have to pay CS to you - as you were married and raising children (OK a stretch)
    This is all really expensive - 25k each w/o a custody dispute (250 / hour)
    How much of family assets are in his hands - how much in yours?

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    • #3
      SS is complicated, however you were together a VERY short time and if he worked and was able to support himself the entire time then the chances are good that he would get little to nothing AND only for a VERY short period of time.

      What happened to you is terrible but you're now free...try not to stress about the money too much. Good luck.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by CSAngel View Post
        SS is complicated, however you were together a VERY short time and if he worked and was able to support himself the entire time then the chances are good that he would get little to nothing AND only for a VERY short period of time.

        What happened to you is terrible but you're now free...try not to stress about the money too much. Good luck.
        Agreed - sometimes I get lost in minutia

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        • #5
          Originally posted by LotusLand47 View Post
          Sounds like you are older and brought assets to marriage. Did he?
          SS is complicated and INCOME based - how different are your incomes?
          for the last 3 years?
          You dont have children together? You have kids? Does he? Did they live with you? He MAY have to pay CS to you - as you were married and raising children (OK a stretch)
          This is all really expensive - 25k each w/o a custody dispute (250 / hour)
          How much of family assets are in his hands - how much in yours?
          he brought nothing, as i said i was not thinking. i am a nurse and should have seen it but we take care of people and think we can fix everything. We have a 200,000 mortgage in both are names on the new house, i have a line of credit in my name for 80,000, which was used to purchase the property and final touchups that the mortgage did not cover. My house/his now, in my name only, is mortgage free and worth approx 200,000 but is in major disrepair as the flooring is half done , the roof needs fixing, i heat with wood and it must have decreased in value, i need to have an evaluation done. Note to self. my kyds are all in college and university. We have only one joint account for the mortgage payment which he makes as i take care of the LOC and my expenses. I put money into savings every month which is figured into my assets. Don't know if u can say this, WTF.. i think if he assaulted me, i should not have to cough over my savings. He became very secretative and i think he scammed money into his personal account when we got the mortgage installment for buliding. i almost feel i am typing to much, but after reading some of the posts, i find this a friendly site and real people, real situations , life at its finest, holy F.

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          • #6
            i went to the bank and i almost wish he would default on the payments and just end the mortgage, too much to think about. getting divorced is like having a 2nd job, and it affects the 1st job. Hard to concentrate. My credit rating would be affected, but wtf, better than to live with this nightmare.

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            • #7
              he would never qualify for the mortgage on his own, Help!

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              • #8
                he didn't work, just building the house, then he told me he wanted the easy life, i guess i am a good catch, nurse, truck, motorcyle, full time job, savings, but he was a good talker..... and i fell for it,

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                • #9
                  i'm venting, over tired, house is falling apart, have to go to a 2 day seminar on my days off, stress at its finest!

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                  • #10
                    Clarify this. Did you two last live in the new house with the large mortgage? But you still own your old home? In which case your old home is yours, not the matrimonial home. The new home with the mortgage is the mat home.

                    So he gets half of next to nothing, you keep your primary asset.

                    Even if you both haven't lived in the newer home you have a very strong argument to make that it is the mat home, with his name on the mortgage and such a short marriage.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by CSAngel View Post
                      SS is complicated, however you were together a VERY short time and if he worked and was able to support himself the entire time then the chances are good that he would get little to nothing AND only for a VERY short period of time.

                      What happened to you is terrible but you're now free...try not to stress about the money too much. Good luck.
                      i can't believe the laws are like this. I pay child support because of my anal exhusband who know has prostrate cancer perhaps r/t his years of anal retension, and my kyds agree. I wish him the best, and feel for his situation and hope it works out well for my kyds sakes. How can u not stress about the money, i had my life planned before him, and i hate my job, have to move forward, but going to take me longer.... thanks for the words of encourgement, this is so nice to vent and no one knows me

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        i moved to the new home at the end of june, we were arguing in july, so trying to get the dates from the cab compeny to prove when i left that night as he started his bs, took the phone, started destoying the house, excuse my spelling should be in bed, i found his cell phone outside, called a cab, to the old house, then got a cab the next day to get my truck as drinking was involved. when i got there his mom and uncle were there and the 2 of them were drinking, as i had called his sister to go check on hiim as he had expressed a wish to not live anymore,When i arrived, .his mom helped me load all my belongings, his uncle and him were drinking and not even shocked at the mess and omg what a mess, holes in walls, cupboards broken i am glad i left or that would have been me. they will deny it but it will prove that , that was the matrional home, which hopefully fairs in my situation

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mess View Post
                          Clarify this. Did you two last live in the new house with the large mortgage? But you still own your old home? In which case your old home is yours, not the matrimonial home. The new home with the mortgage is the mat home.

                          So he gets half of next to nothing, you keep your primary asset.

                          Even if you both haven't lived in the newer home you have a very strong argument to make that it is the mat home, with his name on the mortgage and such a short marriage.
                          i move to the new house in june after his restrictons wer lifted, i left in july because of the potential for assaut, need to get my dates from the cab office, if they will give them to me. I am not allowed to sell or rent this house without his signature, this pisses me off to no end. we listed the house for 2 months, they put a lock box on the door, he has never allowd me to have a key to the place, but i didn't much care at the time, just blew it off, then when he was in jail, awaiting bail hearing, i called the real estate to get the code and she ref to give it to me, i signed papers, i a m on the mortgade, wtf, i wanted to get a dresser and wicker chair out of there, just to avoid hassle, will desl with that, soon, u wonder what gives u grey hair and u can't blame yr kyds.

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                          • #14
                            thanks, i will deal with this on mon, this is becoming to deep, for a signature

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                            • #15
                              So is the house worth 280k?

                              Hmm. suggest turning the 80k LoC into a morgage on house.
                              He will probably not let you do this...
                              Be careful about defaults - you have $ and are on title for the house.

                              Separate your accounts - you can use the joint account as a conduit for $ exchanges. cancel all joint credit cards.

                              You REALLY need a lawyer. AND a counselor.
                              Chill - it will get better.

                              a bit Machiavellian here, you COULD bargain criminal charges for $$.
                              drop the charges if he drops financial claims
                              be careful offering - but you get the idea.
                              the courts will really do nothing to him.
                              You want him to NOT have a criminal record so he can support himself.
                              He will hit someone else - or you.
                              but until he kills someone, the system wont stop him.
                              Do you have a s810 (restraining order) on him

                              Comment

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