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  • Refusing to follow court order...

    Ex by court order (consent) has access to children several times through the year. He lives in a different province and in the order he does not pay support as the cost of travel is high and he pays for it.

    He has an access visit scheduled for thanksgiving weekend. Order states from Friday after school until the Monday. He attempted first to book the travel in the wee hours of Friday morning at the airport almost 3 hours away. I told him no way as I have to work in the morning. He has now booked the travel for 11am, at the airport close to my home. Still not after school. Why? Because he is cheap. He is literally saving thousands a year by only paying their travel. He is now refusing to change the time to accomodate their school hours and what was put in the order. It is a difference of a couple hundred dollars.

    I told him they will not be going until after school, he wont budge at all and told me to contact his lawyer. I'm not refusing access, I just want it to be what is in the court order. I am beyong the "negotiating" point with him, he is far to unreasonable so I just follow the court order to a tee. Last time I tried to be accomodate and negotiate he in return barraged me with letters from his lawyer as he was not happy with what he asked for.

    What would you do? Any advice on what I should do?

  • #2
    k first you say he doesn't pay child support cause the kids travel is expensive and he pays for it. Then you say he is cheap and is saving thousands by having to pay for only their travel.

    As for him trying to save a couple of hundred bucks, I am sorry but to me a couple of hundred would be a godsend to me right now, to some it just isn't pocket change. The kids miss what, one day of school? To me you are making too big of a deal out of it.

    Comment


    • #3
      I absolutely agree. What is more important? Have a kid spend a day at school just before a long weekend watching the clock tick down, or have the kids spend an extra day with a parent they don't see very often. Maybe the dad wants to spend that few hundred bucks on the kids? Maybe money is real tight, and it must be since he does not have to pay support due to the travel expenses.

      Comment


      • #4
        He is cheap because he is saving thousands by only buying airfare. If he were to pay the guidline amounts he would be paying almost double. Therefore I really have no sympathy as to him saving a buck at my kids expense.

        There is a court order in place for a reason he should follow it.

        I don't feel I am making a big deal out of it. If i were to go against the order for whatever reason he would send out the witch hunt.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by monkees View Post
          What would you do? Any advice on what I should do?
          I would take them out of school early and send them off to their Mom's with a smile on my face and a promise that I'll have a fun time here with friends and turkey while they're away. I would joke around about eating too much and ask them to tell Mom that I'm thankful that we had two perfect kids together. I would put them on the plane with the promise that I'll be waiting for them at the bottom of the escalator when they come back. Pretty much exactly what I do every Christmas....

          My advice is that you do the same.

          And if it really is such a big deal, tell your ex that in the future he has to take school into account when planning travel. But, this time, you wish him a Happy Thanksgiving.

          Kids are not possessions to be fought over. They are precious gifts to be fought for.

          Cheers!

          Gary

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          • #6
            RWM1273-Not the case at all. He has awlays had an issue with not wanting to support the kids financially. He wont be spending the money on the kids either.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by monkees View Post
              I don't feel I am making a big deal out of it. If i were to go against the order for whatever reason he would send out the witch hunt.
              Then take solace in knowing that you're a better person than he.

              This is about your KIDS and not YOU.

              Cheers!

              Gary

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              • #8
                The court order states after school they are to travel so I think he should know to respect their school schedules already. I really wish it was that simple Gary. I don't see my kids as possessions at all.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by monkees View Post
                  The court order states after school they are to travel so I think he should know to respect their school schedules already. I really wish it was that simple Gary. I don't see my kids as possessions at all.
                  Court order, court order, court order.... quack, quack, quack

                  What do your kids want to do?

                  Gary

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by monkees View Post

                    I don't feel I am making a big deal out of it. If i were to go against the order for whatever reason he would send out the witch hunt.
                    You are making a big deal about it. I would like to see his side of the argument.

                    Maybe he has a reason to set out a witch hunt. How did the relationship end, and how was he forced out of the kids lives?

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by monkees View Post
                      He is cheap because he is saving thousands by only buying airfare. If he were to pay the guidline amounts he would be paying almost double. Therefore I really have no sympathy as to him saving a buck at my kids expense.

                      There is a court order in place for a reason he should follow it.

                      I don't feel I am making a big deal out of it. If i were to go against the order for whatever reason he would send out the witch hunt.
                      Hmm it seems like if he had to pay double for the guideline amounts then your lawyer should have taken that into consideration and asked for a reduced amount of CS and he pay for the travel costs. Something doesn't seem right to me.

                      Court orders can be bent a little here and there under certain circumstances. Have you lived up to every part of the court order to the letter?? You are creating a mountain out of a molehill. Who moved away, him or you??

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                      • #12
                        I agree that there is something fishy going on. Judges do not go against guidelines unless there is a very very good reason. Even if you asked to deviate and asked for a reduced support amount, the courts don't let it happen.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                          Something doesn't seem right to me.
                          Me either.

                          It seems as if the author is suggesting that there is a Court Order that authorizes the NCP to pay approximately half of the CP obligations (by suggesting their arrangement is an Order and that the travel costs are only half of what CS would be) ...

                          Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not impossible to negotiate child support away? If this is true, how could there be an Order authorizing NCP to pay what amounts to 1/2 of Table?

                          Something smells....

                          Cheers!

                          Gary

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            RMW-The relationsip was ending with him being arrested gor aggravated assault, being sent to prision and then vanishing for several years. I had contact him at some point as I needed the divorce finalized as I was about to get married. He did not take so well to that and turned to the courts to further abuse and harass me. For over 5 years now it has been non stop malicious litigation. The only releif I had was that I was posted to another province with the military.

                            Child support was agreed upon with my consent then made to an order over a mobility issue. It was based upon him sending the kids 4 times a year at peak times, not when he chooses to cheap out and send them in the middle of the night etc. I never made a big deal out of it because he was never a steady payer.

                            As for the kids, they are not so keen on visiting as they remeber a alot of bad things. He is basically a stranger to them. But I send them, because there is a court order and I know as long as there is no issue about their saftey there is nothing I can do. I follow the court order to a tee at all times.

                            My lawyer that handeled the case advised me just to cut my losses and think about what was important in the end. I have my own theroy on all this but it is quite apparent it is not welcomed in this forum.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You need to appreciate that no one here has even the slightest understanding of your dynamic. Based on what you intially asked for in your first post, I agree with the other posters that an extra day for children who rarely see their father is not unreasonable, even if it means missing school.

                              That you provided more information about the history of violence, litigation and what the kids want may or not change the other posters mind. It doesn't change mine though. Moreover how can you reasonably expect other posters to know this stuff based on the extremely short background you provided? It hardly seems fair to the forum to conclude that your theory isn't welcome here without knowing more about you.

                              The access issue should not be affected by the support he is paying. If he is cheap and is getting a good deal take that up independently of the access issue. To tie them together is not in the kids best interest and it makes you look like you are denying some extra access because of money.

                              Parenting schedules are like new cars. They depreciate 30% as soon as they are driven off the lot. After 5 years, one would hope that some flexibility can be built into the schedule. Kids needs change over time. To "...follow the court order to a tee at all times" does not on the face it seem very child centred.

                              Did you come here looking for agreement with your position or to get other peoples advice? No one here but you says that your theory is not welcome.

                              Comment

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