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Ex only consent to travel if I consent

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  • #16
    Anyone who has been through dealing with difficult people training has learned that the only way to deal with this type of situation is to be assertive and set boundaries. While it is easy to say “save yourself the stress and say yes”, all this does is empower the unreasonable person to continue to seek ways of disrespecting boundaries.

    He should not be setting conditions and by pushing back she is setting a healthy boundary. By saying no she solves nothing. Saying this is an unreasonable request and pointing out the unfairness of setting conditions demonstrates to her ex that he cannot set his own conditions on things.

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    • #17
      IMO, this is a non-issue outside of the obvious fact that neither party likes each other. One party sees abuse where there is none, and the other has unnecessary trust issues with an issue that has never been contentious (to our knowledge).

      Replying to the ex that you've never refused in the past to provide the letter, and that you have no intentions on doing so in the future to any reasonable travel request. That once you receive the details, you will work with them on providing the letter. This allows you to remind them that you always have agreed to before so their paranoia is unwarranted, that you are being reasonable and leaves an out should the ex say they want to travel to North Korea or Syria or something (ie. a place that is not reasonable).

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      • #18
        Is his travel usually local (ie a cottage week) or something where he will be going through Customs?
        I suspect that if he plans travel that you would not agree with, he wants to have this previous blanket agreement in his back pocket.
        Is there travel (outside of anything potentially dangerous to the children) that you would not agree with?

        I think the fact that you have an email chain showing your willingness to provide your own travel details/itinerary while at the same time showing he's looking for a blanket agreement for sometime in the future, shows to a court what is going on (should it ever have to come to that).
        Not sure if you both have counsel or not but perhaps an email sent between counsel to identify the ridiculousness of his stance, your willingness to provide consent on information received and then lay out the court costs to be paid should this matter have to get resolved in court may put a quick end to the nonsense.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by thefunone View Post
          Is his travel usually local (ie a cottage week) or something where he will be going through Customs?
          I suspect that if he plans travel that you would not agree with, he wants to have this previous blanket agreement in his back pocket.
          Is there travel (outside of anything potentially dangerous to the children) that you would not agree with?
          You wouldn't need a travel letter for local trips and she's not giving a blanket agreement, just confirming what's in their agreement already. There's lots of reasons to deny travel (destination, duration, travelers, etc). It'll be based on what's in the order/agreement, and what's reasonable.

          I see this as a controlling ex. He basically just wants her to say 'please'. She can argue it, take it to court and easily win... or just say it and be done with it. Perhaps they should add a sentence to their travel letter template confirming the details about how they both can travel each year and travel will not be unreasonably withheld.

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