Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The high road gets bumpy

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by OhMy View Post
    Congrats LF.

    Hopefully the emotions on both sides will now be able to reduce for the benefit of D3.

    Oh btw, not sure if you celebrate Christmas, or if holidays were addressed in the temp order... If they were not addressed: Christmas Eve falls on a Wednesday this year
    whoa whoa ... So I get her x-mas eve, x-mas and boxing day? Really?

    Order says Wednesdays overnights until Thursdays (not sure in exchange time) .. x-mas day noon until boxing day (not sure time).

    Ohhhh man. Ex wont like that. Thanks for the x-mas eve date notice. That's great!

    Comment


    • To reduce conflict, you might want to offer to switch the Xmas Weds overnight to the prior Tues, or instead take it as an extra day on the prior weekend (reduces #handovers). UNLESS ... there was also language in your order indicating specifically what xmas/vacation time your ex gets i.e. was it an oversight that she would not get xmas morning?

      Comment


      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        Did I mention what the judge was disgusted about most?

        Get this, OP pulled up an e-mail from me to my mom .. a very nice one. "You're the greatest mother. I'm lucky to have you, etc. I'm thinking hey keep reading...this is good for my character and my case.

        At the end of the e-mail I say "Love you, xox"

        OP says I don't even have boundaries with my own mother (insinuating incest?)

        Judge was LIVID with this. They just go too far. He went on for 3 sentences about how OP's allegations were out of line.
        That's ridiculous! I text/email my family members like that all the time.
        So glad the judge saw right though all the BS.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
          To reduce conflict, you might want to offer to switch the Xmas Weds overnight to the prior Tues, or instead take it as an extra day on the prior weekend (reduces #handovers). UNLESS ... there was also language in your order indicating specifically what xmas/vacation time your ex gets i.e. was it an oversight that she would not get xmas morning?
          Probably an oversight.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
            Mr. T. Next sequel is what Arabian wrote .. D3 is to distressed to visit .. doesn't want to visit .. refuses to visit .. seeds of PAS.

            My partner has had both the lawyer who has had to help him enforce visitation and his lawyer now tell him that the custodial parent is responsible to encourage parenting time. Its also in a number of canlii cases I looked up where the judge admonished a parent for not doing so.

            Your daughter is three. She doesnt know what she wants or what is good for her. She doesnt get to choose. Your ex is responsible for accommodating and facilitating your parenting time. Anything else is denial of access so good luck to her trying to get away with that ESPECIALLY after she was called on all her crap.

            Comment


            • There's really no time between remaining Conferences (SC and TMC could be combined) and a Trial waiting list for LF32 early 2015 for farting around.

              I strongly suggest "combining the SC and TMC" but LF32 has to be fully prepared .

              The Motion Judge left Goldilocks as the primary parent, but removed the "victim label".

              Unexpected for LF32...how could he of thought to prepare for "enforcement of a access Order"

              LMAO..in his mind he could of been dismissed to a access center that day

              TIME....now works both ways for both parties.

              Longer the TIME a parent spends as the primary parent, the more likely even after a Trial it stays that way.

              IMPIED SOLE CUSTODY:
              1) Mom does all the Health and Welfare
              2) Mom does all the activities
              3) Mom has had the child majority of time
              4) Mom has the stable home
              5) Mom receives the Child Support
              6) any existing Orders

              The above are just a few reasons for why MOM just naturally gets child.

              The more TIME that goes by....the firmer points 1 to 6 become for Goldilocks.

              Goldilocks will be TOLD to do the minimum the Motion Judge Ordered....BARE minimum. ALL she has to do is keep to the above 6 points.

              Hopefully agreeable to special days....and activities.....but primarily stick to having D3 the primary part of the time.

              OCL stated:
              1) Goldilocks lives by babysitter
              2) Goldilocks will sit on welfare until D3 is 5
              3) Old goat wants D3 in Quebec.

              The ulterior MOTIVES for Goldilocks means tread carefully, her weakness is hiding a jurisdiction change....her goal is to get a Order with her as Sole Custody.

              Once that is obtained....it's extremely hard to change.

              It's maybe why LAO scumbag lawyer came right back with OCT 31 for beginning of access even when Judges endorsement wasn't clear....(he could of been a arsehole)

              OP is circling the wagons...protecting there BOTTOM line SOLE

              Will OP be High Conflict on....access....special days...activities...health and welfare...OFW......I don't think they will be

              I highlighted OFW for a reason....last things FIRST.....because OP is protecting SOLE (and being nice within reason to make LF32 unreasonable blathering away on pediatrician appointments)

              Before Xmas and anything else.....work on OFW...letter Monday....just on that. SIGN UP after Mondays letter is sent.....OFW will call (if you have phone numbers) Goldilocks.

              Now....you got High Conflict ...item number 1...documented

              Letter 2 ..you'll pay both parties subscriptions...item 2...documented

              Why OFW?.....LMAO ...not hard to figure out that for any Judge

              Rejection of your overtures on OFW ...means a Judge sifting through a pile of texts and letters from both parties....(they hate that).

              BUT YOU BE FORCED TO THAT by OP.

              High Conflict is coming from....access...pickup/drop off.....special days...activities...health and welfare.

              OP does not want to WORK WITH YOU on any level....except to do bare minimum

              You have to work fast...because of TIME and implied consent to Sole...you have to appear reasonable, and NEVER MENTION MONEY

              except....updated financials....to see if welfare Quebec...see if Goldilocks has a job in your town...indications of where Goldilocks is "settled"

              Judges can smell money MOTIVES faster than Bullsh!T

              for Settlement Conference Judge(follow endorsements) your huge efforts for OFW because of "allegations"

              ..that's why a SC judge see's ..OP bafflegab...innuendo...bullsh!t ....in Texts and Letters...and dumps them as a waste of time.

              OFW isn't for "week long waits for replies" or games...it's automatic notifications and E-mail alerts

              be patient....if OP makes one more "allegation" after their disaster of a Motion....Custody goes straight to you. So play the game cautiously, knowing OP is going to BLOW IT
              Last edited by MrToronto; 10-25-2014, 12:43 AM.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                There's really no time between remaining Conferences (SC and TMC could be combined) and a Trial waiting list for LF32 early 2015 for farting around.

                I strongly suggest "combining the SC and TMC" but LF32 has to be fully prepared .

                The Motion Judge left Goldilocks as the primary parent, but removed the "victim label".

                Unexpected for LF32...how could he of thought to prepare for "enforcement of a access Order"

                LMAO..in his mind he could of been dismissed to a access center that day

                TIME....now works both ways for both parties.

                Longer the TIME a parent spends as the primary parent, the more likely even after a Trial it stays that way.

                IMPIED SOLE CUSTODY:
                1) Mom does all the Health and Welfare
                2) Mom does all the activities
                3) Mom has had the child majority of time
                4) Mom has the stable home
                5) Mom receives the Child Support
                6) any existing Orders

                The above are just a few reasons for why MOM just naturally gets child.

                The more TIME that goes by....the firmer points 1 to 6 become for Goldilocks.

                Goldilocks will be TOLD to do the minimum the Motion Judge Ordered....BARE minimum. ALL she has to do is keep to the above 6 points.

                Hopefully agreeable to special days....and activities.....but primarily stick to having D3 the primary part of the time.

                OCL stated:
                1) Goldilocks lives by babysitter
                2) Goldilocks will sit on welfare until D3 is 5
                3) Old goat wants D3 in Quebec.

                The ulterior MOTIVES for Goldilocks means tread carefully, her weakness is hiding a jurisdiction change....her goal is to get a Order with her as Sole Custody.

                Once that is obtained....it's extremely hard to change.

                It's maybe why LAO scumbag lawyer came right back with OCT 31 for beginning of access even when Judges endorsement wasn't clear....(he could of been a arsehole)

                OP is circling the wagons...protecting there BOTTOM line SOLE

                Will OP be High Conflict on....access....special days...activities...health and welfare...OFW......I don't think they will be

                I highlighted OFW for a reason....last things FIRST.....because OP is protecting SOLE (and being nice within reason to make LF32 unreasonable blathering away on pediatrician appointments)

                Before Xmas and anything else.....work on OFW...letter Monday....just on that. SIGN UP after Mondays letter is sent.....OFW will call (if you have phone numbers) Goldilocks.

                Now....you got High Conflict ...item number 1...documented

                Letter 2 ..you'll pay both parties subscriptions...item 2...documented

                Why OFW?.....LMAO ...not hard to figure out that for any Judge

                Rejection of your overtures on OFW ...means a Judge sifting through a pile of texts and letters from both parties....(they hate that).

                BUT YOU BE FORCED TO THAT by OP.

                High Conflict is coming from....access...pickup/drop off.....special days...activities...health and welfare.

                OP does not want to WORK WITH YOU on any level....except to do bare minimum

                You have to work fast...because of TIME and implied consent to Sole...you have to appear reasonable, and NEVER MENTION MONEY

                except....updated financials....to see if welfare Quebec...see if Goldilocks has a job in your town...indications of where Goldilocks is "settled"

                Judges can smell money MOTIVES faster than Bullsh!T

                for Settlement Conference Judge(follow endorsements) your huge efforts for OFW because of "allegations"

                ..that's why a SC judge see's ..OP bafflegab...innuendo...bullsh!t ....in Texts and Letters...and dumps them as a waste of time.

                OFW isn't for "week long waits for replies" or games...it's automatic notifications and E-mail alerts

                be patient....if OP makes one more "allegation" after their disaster of a Motion....Custody goes straight to you. So play the game cautiously, knowing OP is going to BLOW IT
                OFW is very important now I agree. 80% of me says that they will disagree/ignore these offers. (That used to be 100%). Even though ex knows it will be good for her to cooperate with visits, etc, she has her mom to deal with.

                It's as simple as this .. she can't be awarded sole. Not because it's a competition but because I strongly believe I should be included in important decision making. I want a say in education. I want a say in her health. Not because I'm controlling but because I honestly believe I have a lot to offer in these decisions.

                Education for instance. Ex says D3 has attachment issues, stays home all day wiping ex's tears, asking her why she's sad. And she wants that to continue for the next 2 years? Why not get her in to junior kindergarten next year?

                D3 is active, social and extremely intelligent. She wants to be around other children. Ex keeping her home as further tactics for court and so that she doesn't have to work is not in D3's best interests.

                Should I be signing her up for school? Or will I look like a schemer doing that right now? I want to do everything right.

                6 Points:

                1) Mom does all the Health and Welfare
                First wed I have her I will introduce to new family Dr. (It's a man .. we'll see if ex was right saying D3 only responds to female Dr's.). We'll get a full physical, etc.
                2) Mom does all the activities
                Time to look for Wed/Friday evening classes/activities. I've already cam across a few that seem great.
                3) Mom has had the child majority of time
                By force most of the time. OCL helped her out with this last denial. You will read in canlii soon that this judge was disgusted with her tactics of keeping child though. Subsequent judge will read this. Trial judge also.
                4) Mom has the stable home
                I would argue just how stable it is. She cries all day, D3 wiping her tears. She reports to CAS that single parenting is "Overwhelming" and she gets lonely. Mr. T. You know my living arrangements at the moment. Very healthy for her.
                5) Mom receives the Child Support
                6) any existing Orders

                I've learned a great deal about "Material Changes In Circumstances" and yes they have to be compelling enough to warrant a vary in an existing order. Compelling is the word here that needs to be proven.

                OFW will be the next logical step.

                Mr. T, there wont be piles of texts/-mails if OFW is not ordered. There will be NOTHING. Ex will not speak to me in any format, period.

                "If you don't respond by .... I will consider this a refusal" becomes very important.

                OFW denied will be a nice exhibit though.
                __________________________________________________ __________
                High Conflict is coming from....access...pickup/drop off.....special days...activities...health and welfare.

                OP does not want to WORK WITH YOU on any level....except to do bare minimum
                __________________________________________________ __________


                You've got my mind going now. I don't want future judges to think this is the end result that I dreamed of. 50% is. Sole if ex fights 50%. I don't want any of my actions to imply im okay with the current status (as happy as I am)

                I've got to keep going. One thing I have going for me is her refusal of communication. As long as I keep sending requests for info and getting denied (also being denied OFW), the better for me. This is not me being high conflict. This is me asking for things I've had a right to know since day 1.


                Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-25-2014, 09:09 AM.

                Comment


                • I think getting a physical is good thing, particularly if your ex starts to throw out allegations of abuse again. You probably have to get a health care card for your daughter (unless your ex has provided this).

                  I agree with Mr. T. that you should move quickly to get the SC/TMC date lined up. You have plenty of evidence to show that your ex keeps daughter from you. Unless she has been advised, and she can adhere strictly to the advice, to be forthcoming and cooperative about access, she is "hooped."

                  I like that you are taking leading and proactive approach to dealing with your ex now.

                  Someone mentioned a few posts back about having exchanges done early in day. I think that is very wise advice.

                  Your ex is going to be doing alot of driving. Hope car she is driving is reliable and she has up-to-date insurance.

                  Comment


                  • Magician Ian Quick ? A Magic Halloween Ghastly and Ghoul-y Show - Canada Aviation and Space Museum

                    Maybe you can find something which is of interest to both you and your daughter. I believe the local space and science places in major Canadian cities have excellent programs which might suit your timetable with your daughter.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      I think getting a physical is good thing, particularly if your ex starts to throw out allegations of abuse again. You probably have to get a health care card for your daughter (unless your ex has provided this).

                      I agree with Mr. T. that you should move quickly to get the SC/TMC date lined up. You have plenty of evidence to show that your ex keeps daughter from you. Unless she has been advised, and she can adhere strictly to the advice, to be forthcoming and cooperative about access, she is "hooped."

                      I like that you are taking leading and proactive approach to dealing with your ex now.

                      Someone mentioned a few posts back about having exchanges done early in day. I think that is very wise advice.

                      Your ex is going to be doing alot of driving. Hope car she is driving is reliable and she has up-to-date insurance.
                      SC/TMC = Dec. 3rd

                      I just need to get forced status quo thrown out (abduction/access denials/etc) and show who's really been trying to cooperate and communicate.

                      Ive said it from the very beginning. I will ALWAYS respect, promote and encourage D3's mother. I would never fathom asking my daughter to keep secrets nor bad mouth her mother. Im in the field. I know the psychological ramifications.

                      Does this sound bad? That I actually felt bad when ex was crying in court even though she's done all of this to me? I felt bad because I loved her for 8 years. I felt bad because I immediately saw her sadness graduate to the home and I didn't want D3 to be affected by it either.

                      Is it just because I'm a nice guy that I felt bad? Because man she's put me through the ringer here.

                      Then I wake up and realize what she's done to this poor little girl, myself and my entire family. It's inexcusable.

                      Comment


                      • I still feel bad all the time for my ex. Then I get a crazy email from his g/f, or an email from my lawyer, and I am once again facing my own personal reality. It's a flip-flop way to live but I believe it is "normal" when divorced from a narcissist.

                        Your ex knows you're a nice guy. She will use this knowledge to her advantage any time she can get away with it. Her tears are self-pitying. If she cared one iota for you she wouldn't have done what she has done. She has disrespected her daughter by treating you this way. She's too self-focussed to realize this. The perverse hold her mother has on her likely isn't helping matters. If you get to the point of having to go through family assessment and therapy, this will be revealed. Until then your ex is likely powerless to move beyond her current state. Nothing you can do about it. You have the uphill challenge of raising a daughter with a very disturbed individual. Don't ever lose sight of the facts: she's vicious and IMO mentally unbalanced.

                        Comment


                        • Question..

                          Given that items such as transcripts/OCL report etc have not been considered by this motion judge, do you think they will be considered by future judges moving forward? OP wont let this motion stop their material Im sure.

                          And yes Arabian .. her actions/demeanor/motives are concerning to me, to the point where I'm worried about her mental state. But I tread carefully with wording as such...especially throughout the court system. It was brought up briefly in motion regarding the post partum.

                          I cant stress enough how amazing these judges are. Even when I wasn't getting exactly what I wanted. I've found them to be wise, fair and in depth in their decisions. They've read all the materials and consequently saw what ex was doing. Amazing experience with these amazing judges.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-25-2014, 10:58 AM.

                          Comment


                          • With regards to discussion earlier in this thread about appealing interim orders, I came across this case from B.C. Court of Appeals which was just posted on CanLii yesterday:

                            https://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcca/do...14bcca403.html

                            "Summary:

                            The appellant father applied to vary an interim order for supervised access to the child of the marriage. The interim order was made following an alleged incident of family violence by the father toward the respondent mother. The father’s variation application asked for unsupervised access with the child based on decisions by government authorities not to pursue the alleged incident. The judge dismissed the father’s variation application. Held: Appeal dismissed. The dismissal of the application to vary the interim order reflects the judge’s exercise of discretion to which deference is accorded. Appeals of interim orders are generally discouraged absent a compelling reason. A dispute as to what is in the best interests of a child is better suited to be fully canvassed at trial, especially where significant factual and credibility issues are raised."

                            With this in mind I believe it would be futile for your ex to appeal the Interim Order.

                            Comment


                            • Yes. That word "compelling" again.

                              Compelling is the reason I won. The material changes I had were compelling enough to vary the order. It helped that CC judge wrote "Even though sees no need for supervision". LAO argued this line saying "Even though sees no need for supervision" is NOT the same as "Without prejudice". Judge disagreed.

                              Mr. T. has been so right about judges going by past judges decisions. And this judge has decided to not only reveal truths of this situation but perhaps leave a mark in family law regarding "abduction", "false status quo", "surreptitious recording".

                              So for people going through this. Judges SEE this. They get it. Many of them WANT change in these policies. They go home to their families and their children. They have arguments with their spouses as well. They imagine what it would be like if THEY were recorded every time.

                              Im not just saying this because of my good experience with this judge. Lets not forget I barely got access with the previous 2 judges. I still loved them.

                              When we entered the courtroom for the final decision 2 days ago I heard ex say "Can we argue it"? I heard her LAO respond "No point in arguing it". So I think LAO has a reputation to maintain throughout this debacle as well.
                              Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-25-2014, 11:07 AM.

                              Comment


                              • Well your ex has a freebie lawyer, together with wanna-be-lawyer (paralegal) training, so of course she would want to argue absolutely everything and anything. (I bet it's no fun being her lawyer.)

                                Like Mr. T. posted earlier - you really need to start getting information on her financials.

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X