Thread: joint custody
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Old 02-15-2019, 09:17 AM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Originally Posted by lorely View Post
Thank you. I will. I appreciate all the advices and at the end the judgements as well.
It's being a year of hell and it will continue for a while I know it very well.
What kind of evidence is acceptable for court if I will end up in court? Lawyer said videos when he is drunk but a friend said to call Police if he is drunk and being verbaly abusive, that video will not withstand in court.
Video/Calling cops when he’s drunk: You are already split up and living separate correct? So realistically the only times you are really around him are during drop offs/pick ups, and occasionally some special events/functions? If he is showing up to pick up or drop off the kids and is drunk I’m not sure why your lawyer would tell you to pull out your phone and start filming.... you call the cops and have them breathalyze/arrest him for impaired driving. That sort of proof holds up way better in court than a home video does. Other than that though, I’m not sure in what instances you are supposed to “video” him while he is drunk?? Ya maybe if you were still living together and he was hammered raging around the house throwing shit at the kids, but that doesn’t sound like the case here. PLEASE keep in mind that “my kids father is an alcoholic” is one of the main reasons judges hear from mothers who don’t want to allow 50/50. My current partner’s ex tried to pull this crap, it didn’t fly. And the judge let her have it. If he is TRULY an alcoholic and it affects his ability to parent while he has the kids you may want to gather the following:
-police reports/charges laid in the past that show a STRONG history of alcohol abuse (more so ones that have affected the children) one intoxicated in public charge from 6 years ago isn’t going to hold much weight
-OCL report may provide insight

The following are NOT reasons to keep your children from their father/tell the judge he is an alcoholic:

-He gets hammered any single time he is not with the kids
-He has a couple beer when he is around the kids (and isn’t driving them anywhere). There is nothing wrong with this.
-You are mad because he spends a lot of money going to bars (when he doesn’t have the kids) and you feel that this money would be better spent on something for the kids

Here is my advice:
*Unless he actually is a raging alcoholic who can’t stay sober around his kids- and you have solid proof of it*
-Let him have 50/50 immediately, even while you are still working your way through the legal stuff
-Establish a schedule that works for the children (perhaps week on/week off as they are older?)
-Pay the offset amount for child support immediately (seems to be a tough bullet to bite for you, but better for that money to be going towards your kids than lining the pockets of a lawyer)
-Be SUPER supportive of the children’s relationship with their father
-Play the waiting game. If he is what you say he is the following will happen a) He will grow impatient with the children. Especially if one has special needs. He will begin to ask that you pick up the kids before his week is over, or ask that you take them occasionally so he can have a “break”. Be SUPER nice about this. Don’t accuse him of failing as a parent etc. SILENTLY DOCUMENT all of these instances. b) if he is money hungry as you say, you are only paying offset. This will not be enough money for him to “stick it out”. He will begin to think that a couple hundred bucks a month is not worth it to be constantly responsible for his kids, plus they will be cutting into his alcoholic drinking time, right?
-If you already have a final order at this point, file for a motion to change. If you are still in litigation, show your schedule documentation to the judge and stick to your request for primary residence based on the fact that he has no interest in a true 50/50 set up
-Alternative ending: Dad enjoys time with children. Becomes a super involved 50/50 parent. Mom has 50% of time to herself to tend to her own needs/hobbies/career/education. Kids get to see both parents regularly and thrive. Mom, dad and kids win. Lawyers loose.
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