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  • Ex is refusing Child Support

    Currently redoing the seperation agreement with my ex. I have the kids 50% of the time, 1 week on 1 week off. Without getting into any of the details she is refusing to accept the child support. I am suppose to pay net support and I do not have a problem with it. We have been divorced for 5 years but for the last 3 months she has been rejecting it. She says it is her right to refuse the money.

    From what I have read she is not allow to do this. However, I cannot force her to accept the money what should I do? I am getting advice from my lawyer, I am curious on this forums feedback.

  • #2
    I would write out a cheque and send it by registered mail, where she must sign for it. Whether she cashes it or not, you then have proof that she has received it.

    Or bank the money in a separate account every month, send her an email saying you have the CS ready to send to her, can she please let you know when is a good time to exchange or how she would like it exchanged. This is evidence that you have attempted to pay, shall she decide to take you to court down the road.

    The worst this you can do is not attempt or bank the money every month... even if she says don't worry about it and is refusing, keep trying and banking...you don't want to be arrears should she attempt to pull a fast one on you.

    Comment


    • #3
      I send the CS through Interac email banking so that I do have a electronc footprint. As well when she rejects the payment I receive an email back which I have filed away. Regarding the money it is currently in my savings account untouched but the amount is piling up. So I am doing what you have suggested.

      But this action can't and should not go forever.

      We have gone through mediation to resolve holidays and this issue. My last email to the mediator I wrote:

      It is my understanding that the support amount must be reasonable and in the best interests of the children and if a zero amount is placed in the Separation Agreement that the courts would require a justification. I am willing to have an additional meeting if required to discuss what amount of child support would be acceptable.

      So basically I am unwilling to provide 0 and if she refuse then she said explain why. I do not want this issue of non-payment coming back to bite when I am trying to do the right thing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Another thing you can do is set up an RESP and every time she refuses the money put it in there...then like I said, if she does try to come back on you, you are able to argue that because she did not accept the money you invested it for your childs future.

        Sounds like you are on the right track...just keep saving and if she keeps refusing, when the child turns 18, think of the money the children will have for post secondary because of your smart saving.

        Comment


        • #5
          Umm,

          First you want to cover yourself. And put the money away I suppose is a good idea, then you can gift it to the child when they are no longer a child of the marriage.

          It's hard to have an opinion on this as we don't know the age of the child or the incomes of the two of you, BUT it seems to me that it is reasonable for her to feel that she does not want your money in her house - that she is more than capable of raising the child equally with you without your money.

          I just went on a date with someone who had 50/50 and her ex made more, but they don't do CS or SS, and she was fine with that (it was her idea). Actually, it made me respect her more.

          I wouldn't want my ex's money either, unless perhaps there was a big difference in standard of living etc, but even then, I am capable of taking care of my kids myself on my half time - I wouldn't want her money, except for shared expenses.

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          • #6
            Thanks, I was going to start a RESP for the kids now that my own personal finances have been right sided. I will discuss with my lawyer and a tax planner.

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            • #7
              Billm - the ages of my kids are 12 and 7.

              Regarding income is a whole new conversation. She basically is living on benefits and does not need to. I have the kids 50/50 and was not taking my child benefits and she was taking it all; from the eyes of the gov't it look like she had the kids 100% of time. From advice from family and friends they said you need to claim your portion of the benefits and it does not matter how much you get, you have the kids half the time and you are entitiled to it.

              I gave her a year to let her know what my plans were, she asked me not to do it but I said I will because I need to make sure my finances are in order with the gov't. Her child benefits dropped, and I suspect she was claiming other benefits because it appeared she had the kids 100% of the time. But that is not my issue.

              I do not want her coming back to me for non-payment so I will discuss with my lawyer and may put it in RESP as suggested by someone else.

              Comment


              • #8
                Yes I finally registered to child benefits after 3 years apart - my ex was mad at me (as she is with most things), but I was paying proper CS and was entitled to the benefit. The CRA says you have to tell them what is going on with the kids, so that is what I did - keep things above board.

                Mostly though, despite paying offset CS and having kids half the time, I have been constantly rejected for declaring a dependent, which I should be allowed to do, and filing for child benefits I believe will help my case.

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                • #9
                  Billm - Will then we understand each other; have to keep things above board.

                  I am not happy that I am unable to claim one of the kids as a dependant or claim tax credits; such as the physcial activity one ... I pay for the YMCA membership. It is a bit unfair if you have the kids 50/50, pay net support and unable to use any of the tax credits for dependants.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dkarmour View Post
                    Billm - Will then we understand each other; have to keep things above board.

                    I am not happy that I am unable to claim one of the kids as a dependant or claim tax credits; such as the physcial activity one ... I pay for the YMCA membership. It is a bit unfair if you have the kids 50/50, pay net support and unable to use any of the tax credits for dependants.
                    Some people in our situation HAVE claimed a dependent.

                    To me it is all about this note for who can't claim a dependent on the CRA website - if this note is not talking about offset CS in a 50/50 situation, then what situation are they trying to talk about??

                    "Note If you and another person were required to make support payments for the child for 2011 and, as a result, no one would be entitled to claim the amount for an eligible dependant for the child, you can still claim this amount provided you and the other person(s) paying support agree that you will be the one making the claim. If you cannot agree on who will claim this amount for the child, neither of you can make the claim."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think, if possible, figuring out your ex's motivation would be helpful to knowing how to proceed.

                      You said she lives on benefits, which can't be all that much income, and yet she doesn't want the child support? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Is she in a relationship now with someone who supports her but she doesn't want to tell you? What changed three months ago? Would her benefit amount be reduced by the CS amount if you did pay it, and she's trying to deceive the government? Sounds like she's already doing that a bit by not voluntarily letting you claim a kid on your taxes, which you are entitled to do in your situation, without her permission.

                      Her pride or guilt or deception or whatever may be keeping the children from opportunities your CS money could provide. Does she realize that?

                      Definitely setting it aside is the wise thing to do, and perhaps not even in an RESP, in case she suddenly changes her mind again and demands the arrears back.

                      How significant is the amount anyways? You said you were imputing an income on her and paying offset, so maybe it's not large enough to make a big difference to her?

                      I would worry that this is some sort of weird tactic to try to later complain to a court that you didn't pay your CS and she wants to take custody/access away from you. Be sure to keep a good paper trail showing her refusals to accept the CS and her request for a zero amount in the agreement.

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                      • #12
                        I will speak with a CRA rep and/or a tax advisor for advice. It seems that you are right and since I have 2 kids I should be able to claim on of them.

                        Thanks

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                        • #13
                          Rioe ...

                          Many things she does does not make since.

                          The payment I currently make is $600/month - which I think is sizable.

                          She has been in a relationship for about 5 years, shortly after we seperated. She has a small business diploma, PSW certificate, a correspondence certificate for Sport Health, started a BA for Gerontology, and transferred her credits so that she can get BA in Kenesiology which she is currently in. Been in studies in some form for over 20 years and had great jobs which she walks away from one reason or another.

                          She is a status Indian, therefore her schooling is paid for including living allowance for her and her kids. The amount differs if she has the kids full-time or part-time.

                          I think it comes down that she wants as much money as possible by not working for it. I think she is trying to get another benefit and if the CS goes through the bank account she will not get it. It must be worth more than $600. Plus she wants me to pay extrordinary expenses. But we differ on the diffinition of extraordinary expenses. To me that expenses would include braces, orthotics, tutors, ... She wants to include programs such as hockey, summer camps, ... I say if you want the kids into those programs you can pay for it if it falls within her week she has them, or we can discuss if it spans into my week and share the cost. She wants me to pay for the whole thing if she refuses the CS. I already pay for the YMCA membership, and I pay for all of their expenses/activities during the week I have them. I think she she should pay for expenses during her week. Extra medical, dental the cost should be shared.

                          It is a very difficult odd situation.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Continue to bank it until you can get a new order allowing you to do something else with it. The fact you have continued to attempt to pay and it has been rejected by her each time means she cannot go after you for arrears/etc. (You already have them sitting there).

                            What I would do is get your lawyer to request a new order from the court giving you permission to place the funds into an RESP for the children given your ex's refusal to accept the monies.

                            Once you get that, THEN open the RESP with the money. Until you have a signed order in hand, just keep doing what you are doing.

                            Comment

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