RE: Need To get an idea of What to Expect After divorce with wife...

[newguy]

Hi Guys,
Thanks in advance for all your help and opinions. I'm new to this site, like others kind of wondering what should I expect when my wife and I divorce.

My wife and I are married for about a year and have a year old child. From the beginning she didn't bring anything to the table and I was the one bringing the bacon home. I bought the house and pay for the monthly mortgages and utilities. Her name is not even in the mortgage and in the deed due to her bad credit history. She doesn't have a job because after delivering the baby she quit her job and didn't go back to work while I was on 8 month parental leave. She went back to school and graduating soon, with of course with my help as well.

The issue is that we could never get a long and always have fight with every things even for small little things. Every time we argue, I felt abuse emotionally and verbally(she would really say awful things about me) and most of all she hit me at times and pinch me and I end up getting cuts and wounds sometimes. It scares me that I might fight back and ended up hurting her physically. At most times, I just try my best to shut my mouth while keeps on saying things that really hurt me i.e. that my earnings from my work is only enough to put shelter and food for my family.

Now she wants to divorce and also threatens me that she will take everything, our house, most of my salary for child and spousal support, also she threatens me that I will never see my child again. I felt kind of scared since I'm only making 65K a year and if she's about to take 50% or more and also my pension that I've worked on for past 4 years, I'm definitely screwed. I don't really see having a good life at all after we divorce.

Anyhow, my question is that, with this in mind, what kind of things should I really expect once we get to divorce because I doubt that she will just sit there and agree with me to apply for divorce application without seeing the judge and have agreement just between me and her. As for my end, I know for myself I tried my best to be the best dad and husband as I can be. As of now, I'm not happy at all with this marriage. I felt that my wife is unsupported especially about my job and that she tells me to quit indirectly while she still in school and no job as well. But as well all know, woman doesn't see/value what they have until they lose it. Unfortunately, I married a princess..... Any points or opinion is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[dinkyface]

1) You need to protect yourself against false violence/abuse claims by this woman. Physically distance yourself as much as possible, don't engage, WEAR A VOICE/VIDEO RECORDER. Have witnesses around whenever possible. Communicate via email wherever possible. Get a criminal lawyer now, and program their info into your cellphone. If you are arrested, say NOTHING to the police. No joking here.

2) Don't move out until you have a written 'kid-sharing' schedule signed by both of you.

3) You can't stop her from moving out, but if she does, leave a written record that you do not consent to her taking your child from your home. Make it very clear (in writing) that you intend to maintain joint custody and equal parenting. And act - calmly and convincingly - in all ways consistent with this.

4) Right now, make sure you maintain an active parenting role. Keep insisting on 50-50 access, joint custody. That is what you have now, and it does not change if she moves out... unless you are quiet about it (i.e. deemed to consent) when she does.

5) Because you were married, she will get 50% of the house equity, regardless of who paid the mortgage/expenses/downpayment. You may need to sell the house in order for one person to buy out the other's share - unless there are other joint assets that can be traded for the house. Very possibly neither of you will be able to afford to keep the house anyway!

6) You will split the part of the pension (and any other savings) that you both accumulated WHILE YOU WERE TOGETHER (not all of it). Were you together as common law for a few years before you married?

7) You will split any debts jointly incurred while you were together.

8) She is unlikely to get spousal support, due to short duration of marriage

9) Because you have (and will maintain) shared parenting i.e. each of you has at least 40% time with your child), you will be paying child support using the 'offset' method. Don't ever agree to pay full table amount. Check out the Federal Child Support guidelines (google) for full information on how this all works.

10) All of the above is what SHOULD happen - but she can make it EXTREMELY difficult, time-consuming, expensive for you to get there and it may take some time - at least a year is not unusual. Be prepared for a long fight.

11) Be wary of making temporary concessions that will lead to her assuming sole custody and having 60%+ time. i.e. don't let a temporary arrangement turn into the status quo which then becomes the final custody order.

[newguy]

Hi there,
thanks for the reply. Wow that was a lot of info. At least I have some sort of idea about this. In regards with your infos, here's the most twist about my situation in which my apologies I forgot to include before hand. Currently I'm in the military(navy), in which really scares me that she will get the full custody, now with that being said, is there a chance for her to get spousal support and totally garnished my salary to the point that I could barely survive i.e. only 40% of my salary left? As of now, I occasionally come home to visit our child while I'm trying to be in good terms with her, but in the end, I feel like she's not happy at all with our marriage which in turn makes me feel unhappy. If she does get 100% custody, is that possible that she can hide away my child from me? Also what other things should I worry about? Thank you for all your help.

[logicalvelocity]

Welcome....

[Mess]

Spousal support would be calculated to bring her to usually 42% of your salary. This would be calculated AFTER child support is paid/received. So you would pay child support, that would be deducted from your income and added to hers before an amount of spousal support was calculated. Her lawyer will probably ignore this and try to make you pay full, your lawyer should know better.

She cannot have an income of $0. She has an obligation to support herself and the child as well. Depending on the age of the child, she should be capable of working while the child is at school, no reason why not. At minimum she should be imputed an income of minimum wage, perhaps at 30hrs a week if the child needs to be picked up and dropped off immediately for school.

So all that said, after you pay support and after tax, my napkin calculation is you would be around $38k. Even if she has limited hours @ minimum wage, she should be over $20k after receiving CS and after tax. So she is over 50% of your income already. You should have a good, experienced divorce lawyer do these calculations properly but you should have a good argument against spousal.

You have an absolute right to access to your child, and you should have default joint legal custody (decision making) unless she can show a reason otherwise. You can challenge her if she intends to move with the child too far away from you, and you can certainly charge her if she disappears with the child, although you would have a hell of a time finding her of course.

[Deut7]

Dear Newguy,

I am so very sorry that things turned sour for you in such a short period of time. I will tell you that the hitting and the pinching is Abuse. Their needs to be a report of this if you are to help your case at all. If you are still co habitating please the next time she hits you, you must not touch her you must call the police and they will come out and deal with this as a Domestic dispute. Most of the time victims are women but Men can be abused equally as well as a woman can be. For your sake you must report this. I did not report my soon enough and lived with it for many years and it nearly ruined me in many ways.
The law is pretty clear on most aspects. Anything purchased during the marriage is jointly owned and will have to be jointly dealt with. That includes both debt and assests. Anything you owned before the marriage is yours to keep not hers.
I am not a Lawyer but understand the law and have dealt with this all before and have a pretty good understanding, however it goes with out saying that just because she hit you does not mean the cop will charge her even though the law says they MUST, my ex was not charged so I know how it works.
If you love your child and want to be a part of your childs life then make sure you stand firm on your right to be a father to your child. I would strongly advise you to get a lawyer. I would go to your local court house and see the Family Law Info Centre for initial advise. Get a court order to keep her from leaving the province or your county with the child. Get that done right away. Protect you and your child.
The courts will see that she can work and likely will impute an income to her, she will have to get a job as she can not expect to live off of you all of her life. They are to look at the background now each judge is different and so is each region of the province let alone the country. So get to the court house and see a family law lawyer for advise, tell them what you want and be firm in your conviction and do not let anyone bully you. Stand up for your rights and what you believe in. Your income is not a bad income trust me. So chat with others here on the board and see if I am correct in most of what I say. Cheers and best of luck