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Old 02-20-2020, 07:03 AM
UnderPressure UnderPressure is offline
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You are absolutely right and it is a pervasive bias that we are indoctrinated with and it is constantly reinforced. The good news is that it is starting to change, at least in some areas like 50/50 parenting time being the expectation. The societal part will take several generations to catch up to that I suspect.

What I am struggling with is how mom portrays doing everything for the kids as better parenting while I see the opposite. She sees it as better that she washes, dries and outs away all the kids clothes. see a woman with control issues who has to have things a certain way. I do laundry too but I have the kids participate. They bring their laundry baskets, help sort into piles and load the machines. When dried we sit down together and they sort out their things, fold them and put them away themselves. Not always of course - sometimes I might do more of the steps depending on timing. Similar patterns around cleaning and groceries, meal prep and cleanup. Her and her mother do everything with the result being the kids have never had any involvement in these basic life skills.

What her and her mother see as taking good care of the children I see as poor parenting. When I have the kids 50% they will be involved and participating (age appropriate of course) in all these basic life skills. What society may see as dad nit doing as much for them I see as raising children to be functional adults. So I am focusing on raising kids in a way that builds their skills and gives them more ownership and control over their own lives. I know their mother will never see that and to some degree already uses it against me. Short term the kids are happier with watching tv than cleaning and doing meal planning and groceries for the week. Long term I am confident I am doing the right thing and although the kids might not appreciate it now as they grow up into strong, healthy and happy adults they will someday realize it. Even if they never do, I know itís the best thing for them even if itís not the easiest for me, even if society will assume itís because dads canít do it and even if the kids are upset at having to share the cooking, cleaning and home care duties when they live with dad.

Best interests of the kids gents, no matter what. Do what you know is the best for the kids despite this societal bias.
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