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Old 03-31-2011, 09:31 AM
Teddie Teddie is offline
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Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
I don't like the advice given so far.

What you need to do is document the denial of access in writing.

If you have been told over the phone that she will not be providing the child for your parenting time, you immediately go to your computer and prepare a very business like email to your ex that, notwithstanding the child having a cold, you intend on exercising your parenting time in accordance with the agreement. It is your position that a cold is not reason in itself for the child not to be provided to you, as you are more then capable of tending to the sick child. As such, you will be at the prescribed location at the prescribed time for the exchange in accordance with the parenting plan/agreement.

Then you document her response. If she is stupid enough to put in writing that she will not provide the child, you have one golden egg of a denial of access and contempt. Do not reply to any of her hostility with anything other than stating "I am equally capable as you of looking after our child while sick, and I believe it is in the child's best interests to maintain the regular parenting schedule. Should a doctor prescribe that the child is not well enough to transfer homes, please provide me with a copy of the doctors note, at which point I will be willing to discuss make up time for all missed time."

Without a doctors not you still go, with your witness and your digital voice recorder, to the exchange point for the child. Do not make an aggressive motion or sound. Simply knock and ask for the child to be provided in accordance with the agreement or be provided with a copy of a doctors note stating the child is too ill to leave.

If she simply doesn't answer the door, you go to your car and call and leave message stating you are at the prescribed place for the exchange. Wait 30 minutes call again and state that you were there and are now leaving and due to the denial of access you expect makeup time for any and all missed time with the child. Buy something for a store that is close to the exchange point and get the receipt as proof you attended. Then follow up with an email to the ex stating you were there, the child was not provided for the exchange and that you expect makeup time. Provide her with a list of dates you are available to choose from for your makeup time. And then again, document her response.

From there, once you have about 3-4 of these, you drag her to court for contempt. You ask for makeup time for each instance, an enforcement clause and costs for the motion. The first time, you will get makeup time and she will get slap on the wrist. The second time you go for contempt, you may get your enforcement clause. The 3rd and 4th, you ask for change in custody as she is not being supportive of your role as a parent, which is not in the best interests of the child (asking for costs each time).

You have to train her to know that your parenting time is equally important as hers and that you are equally as capable a parent. She is of the belief that she is the real parent and you are nuisense. Keep beating her over the head with the agreement, civil business like emails and contempt where necessary.
HammerDad, that is fantastic advice!

In fact, I do have in writing, a fairly nasty email from her last night containing the exact words, "I am not sending him back to you in this condition so that you can make things worse". The email blames me for my youngest having a cold and contains other false accusations etc.

I made a mistake by settling out of court the day before the motion date. I had her where I wanted. I am seriously considering filing a motion and going all the way with it at this point. The woman is crazy and has no respect for my role as the kids father.

Any parent knows that all kids get colds and all you can do is have them rest, dress them warmly, and medicate them appropriately if need be. To suggest that I made my child sick is absurd.

I have a witness coming with me, a contact at the police department who has been up to date on the situation since last fall, and I have my voice recorder.

I sent her an email last night that is very similar to what you suggested and have not received any response.

Thanks again for the great advice!