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Old 01-23-2018, 12:32 PM
Futureisbright Futureisbright is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 34
Futureisbright is on a distinguished road

Thanks Rioe,
This is really helpful and is inline with how I’m trying to act. Thanks for the reminder.

I have arguably been overly generous in initial offers and response has been that she still wants more. What she wants doesn’t exist of course so I guess I need to give her an ultimatum of accept what’s offered, provide a counter-offer with evidence to support it’s realistic or rip everything up and start from scratch with lawyers.

The last account she won’t disclose is actually in the kids’ name but she’s been depositing ‘our’ money in it (portion of CCB) and she has full control over it. I’m 95% confident she won’t show a statement (despite agreeing to) since it’s goong to show that some of it is funding her lavish lifestyle (while I’m home with the kids - which is where I want to be anyhow, don’t get me wrong). I don’t care that she’s out, I care that she leaves without even saying goodbye to the kids. Sorry, sidetracked, anyhow: I’ve said that we can take the kids’ account, drop it all into RESP so we can both see it or transfer to a true joint account in trust for kids. Actually if it’s an account in my daughter’s name can I go to bank and ask for a statement?

I’m avoiding discussion with any common friends but it’s hard as she has these multiple lives (which I don’t really know about and many friends I’ve never met) which most of our common friends don’t even know exist. From what I can tell if these multiple lives - other than one which is particularly unhealthy- they mostly wouldn’t be too bad taken on their own and the separate groups she hangs with probably love her and think - oh she’s got 3 kids she needs to get out at some point. It’s crazy and I want to shout it from the rooftops but don’t see how it’s going to help me, so am constantly restraining myself.

Her family can see some of it and have been trying to tell her to rein it in for years which is why they want to ask me what is going on. She won’t engage as they are admittedly rather harsh. Or she’s particularly unreceptive to criticism or a bit of both. I say as little as possible and suggest they direct any questions to her. Of course when she’s not there and they ask where she is I end up looking like a pretty shitty partner to say “I don’t know” but I don’t know what else to say. It’s the truth.

As for opportunities to vent, I’m on the phone with my brother and hometown friends a lot and I’m trying to dig some old friends out of the woodwork. I’m starting to realize how much of my own life I’ve given up over the years. I don’t fault her for that, I’m a grown man and can make my own decisions. It’s just an awareness that I can’t expect friends that I let slip away to be ready and waiting to help unless I put some extra effort in.
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