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Old 01-22-2018, 10:10 AM
Futureisbright Futureisbright is offline
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Default How to Take the High Road

Im in the beginning of a separation that has been coming for years. Shes chosen her friends, her phone (and who knows what else) over her family for years and all my efforts to change that havent been enough. I feel satisfied that Ive tried but the kids are observing this and they will think this is acceptable behaviour if I allow it to continue so I needed to step up and end the relationship. Her family has been patting me on the back and telling me they understand I had no choice and Im doing the right thing. Shes been enjoying the gravy train too long and not just not contributing but in fact disrespecting the entire family and alienating our kids.
Anyhow,
Were trying for amicable fair separation and Im providing more than a fair equalization (common-law but treating equalization as if married which basically means $80k if RRSP Im offering to transfer which I dont need to) and offering table set-off CS without even imputing min wage (she works under the table).
Shes inexplicably still looking for more so Im considering taking all off table and putting on gloves meanwhile shes living it up, out till 6:30 am (leaving before dinner), already has her week-on/week-off planned so she can align with her party buddy, house/car shopping (for of course things she cant possibly afford). Also multiple indications that shes cheating and has been for some time. And she seems to be hiding some money as she still hasnt brought one account statement to the table.

Now Im getting frustrated of course and Ive enabled her for years so I take some responsibility which is why Im trying to be generous so she can land on her feet. But a part of me wants to publicly shame her to friends and family. Im sure Im strong enough not to as it will only hurt her (she cares a great deal what her friends think of her) and I dont want her to be a wreck- shes the mother of my super-awesome kids who deserve a healthy mother. And she has shown that she can be a good mother when its convenient for her.

I have no doubts about what our friends/family think about me, I know that my actions are correct for my kids (and for her) and Im lucky enough to have good people around me to remind me of this - which she overhears/assumes and takes the stance of you all hate me/think Im awful. Well then watch me now!! Its the poor me game over and over.
Im not trying to get people to pick sides Im just so frustrated that she seems to think shes entitled to continue to treat kids and I like $&! and Im just supposed to sort it all out and keep the family afloat.

I know Im not the first to be in such a position, any advice how you got through it?
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