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-   -   Thoughts on 4 way meetings?? (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22125)

Mom 2 Two 10-18-2018 09:25 PM

Thoughts on 4 way meetings??
 
Any input on whether these are good or not? SC is scheduled for jan 2019. Ocl has just reassigned and is still having no luck touching base with My ex.

My exís side asked for 4 way once and then cancelled once ocl took our case. Then he claimed conflict of interest with ocl and is now asking for 4 way again?

Is it bad to decline saying we want to see what OCLs recommendations are ?


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Janus 10-19-2018 08:21 AM

They are quite expensive. It is like regular talking but your family loses a year of university tuition for your kid every time you give it a try.


There is no obligation to do a 4-way meeting. "Courthouse cafeteria" meetings are often more effective, since you know you will be facing a judge shortly if you don't get your shit together.


If you guys are actually able to negotiate, a mediator is substantially cheaper. However, if you guys cannot get along well enough with a mediator trained to bridge differences, how is adding two antagonistic highly paid lawyers going to help the situation?

Mom 2 Two 10-19-2018 08:38 AM

Thank you Janus. Ex cancelled the 4 way when ocl got involved. Then after 2 months of him dodging them and citing conflict of interest he asked to reschedule the 4 way. My counsel said she didnít think it would be of benefit because he only wanted to discuss sect7ís and not custody or access. We also asked to use my family wizard twice and it goes ignored. Now they are asking for an interim order for email contact only. I will not agree as with our high conflict I believe the app would be more beneficial.

So this wonít look bad on me for declining again? $375 hr. Missed time at work again. Only to do same all over with ocl disclose meeting in 2 -3 months. Then the SC right after. Such a waste. I already offered more time in my answer to his claim.


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rockscan 10-19-2018 09:46 AM

I asked my partners lawyer about the ex beating her drum about mediation. The system likes to talk about mediation, arbitration, negotiation, meetings etc. but they solve nothing when one party isnít willing to be reasonable. The lawyers response was that there was no way mediation would work as she was unreasonable.

Your ex (and his gf) are unreasonable. His new lawyer is just starting at step 1 again asking for all the same shit his last lawyer asked for. It didnít work last time and it wonít work now. You can say no. Let OCL do their thing and stop engaging. When they send bullshit emails put them in the g folder. Yes or no answers. Think before you act type of approach. You have another conference date which you can get to. As long as youíve put forward a reasonable offer to settle, do what you have to and ignore the rest.

Mom 2 Two 10-19-2018 10:32 AM

Thanks Rockscan!! No actual offer to settle has been sent out yet. But we can do that closer to SC correct? But more time and access was offered in my reply to his claim.


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Tayken 10-19-2018 10:35 AM

1. 4-way meetings are a waste of capital.

2. Meditation, when both parties are unable to compromise on their position, is a waste of capital.

Save your money.

Mom 2 Two 10-19-2018 06:33 PM

Thanks Tayken. I talked my Lawyer out of it!!


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OrleansLawyer 10-21-2018 03:05 PM

Quote:

1. 4-way meetings are a waste of capital.
They can succeed in some cases. There may also be strategic reasons for proceeding.

That being said - often the purpose is to stop people from dickering around with correspondence. Either commit to a settlement or get to litigation.

Tayken 10-22-2018 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrleansLawyer (Post 231376)
They can succeed in some cases. There may also be strategic reasons for proceeding.

Based on my experience with members of this forum... It is generally easy to suggest they are a waste of money. Parties who are going to be reasonable and compromise generally don't post on a forum like this. Just making a broad assumption of course.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrleansLawyer (Post 231376)
That being said - often the purpose is to stop people from dickering around with correspondence. Either commit to a settlement or get to litigation.

I agree 100%. A war of words in letters does nothing to solve problems. The challenge is that settlement when one or both parties are unwilling to compromise generally lands in the "get to litigation" basket.

It is hard to compel people to be reasonable. The only power in the system to compel anything is a motion or trial. :(

Mom 2 Two 10-22-2018 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken (Post 231406)
Based on my experience with members of this forum... It is generally easy to suggest they are a waste of money. Parties who are going to be reasonable and compromise generally don't post on a forum like this. Just making a broad assumption of course.







I agree 100%. A war of words in letters does nothing to solve problems. The challenge is that settlement when one or both parties are unwilling to compromise generally lands in the "get to litigation" basket.



It is hard to compel people to be reasonable. The only power in the system to compel anything is a motion or trial. :(



Very true Tayken...
So I refused the 4 way...
My ex then bombarded me with emails

He sent me some of the 6 months worth of arrears that he owes. So that was nice.

Then he proceeded to ask for all the extra time I offered in my answer to his custody claim. Well he picked and chose what was convenient for him. I guess an extended weekend from Friday to Monday morning he doesnít want.

Except how do I agree to this and say ok when he isnít willing to sign off an leave me with custody, which I have had for the past 5 years.

I offered him this extra time to settle the matter. He gets a b c d if he agrees to leave custody and myself as primary caregiver and primary residence.

Plus ocl is involved right now.
Any time I try to compromise.... and donít give in to the exact demand they are asking for I get nasty emails back.


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