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-   -   Friend visit in matrimonial home (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9274)

Pinto 05-13-2011 10:42 AM

Friend visit in matrimonial home
 
Hello everyone, I am looking for a second, third, fourth opinion on this thing:
Separated over 1 year, still living in the matrimonial home because of the two children. STBX extremely upset and revengeful because i filed for divorce and all the fun stuff with the court a couple of weeks ago.

We have tried negotiating everything for months but turned around in circles because what we agreed on one day was un-agreed :) the next day by her.
She was supposed to purchase my interest in the home last week but changed the amount at the last moment. That would have been ok but she also wanted to change the access schedule, therefore I would go under the 40% for both children instead of only the youngest (almost 2 years old). In preparation for what I thought was my final move I rented another place and got some new furniture for the kids room, etc.
Since I had the new place I started sleeping overnights there for 2 weeks. She changed the locks on the doors to the matrimonial home as advised by her new lawyer. I rang the doorbell, she let me in, I changed the locks back and have been there this past week again and will stay there until this is over.

She told me a couple of months ago that a friend of hers would be coming from Europe for a visit in May. I had no problems with this because the home should had been hers in May. My stbx just told me that the friend arrives next Monday and would stay for 2.5 weeks. I honestly don't want her in my home. I don't know this person and don't want the added stress of yet another pair of eyes scrutinizing what and when and where i do with my kids. Can I legally ask my stbx to ask the friend stay in a hotel? Does this do anything to my reasonableness in front of a judge when we get there in June for the case conference? Should I allow her to stay but charge rent, and how much (mortgage $2000 per month)? What do you think?

Thanks,
pinto

HammerDad 05-13-2011 11:06 AM

She is allowed to have visitors/company/guests. While you still own a portion of the house, you cannot dictate who she has in as her guest or for how long.

Trying to do so will make you looking like a controlling uncooperative prick.

I know you may not like, but look at the bright side. She may want to take off evenings with her friend and leave you alone with the kids.

billm 05-13-2011 11:19 AM

Just ignore the visit but be friendly.

Otherwise you seem controlling etc - it is equally her house and not your business. Don't even think of trying to charge rent - that is ridiculous.

You ended the marriage, so she is not as ready as you, having a friend around will be good for her and hopefully for you too.

Good for you to get back in the house - that was a close one!

Pinto 05-13-2011 11:29 AM

Thank you! I just love consulting with the cool heads on this forum. Your calming effect is priceless.
I will be friendly and enjoy all the extra time with the kids.
pinto

AtALoss 05-13-2011 12:24 PM

Speaking in generalities, Another point to raise in being tolerable of an ex having "visitors" if she moves on into another relationship that she would move in or marry there goes the spousal portion. So if you cant see a reasonable objection just go with it.

Mominneed 05-13-2011 01:16 PM

I don't believe that spousal support goes away if your x moves in with someone else or remarries. Could be wrong but I don't believe that has anything to do with it.

paris 05-13-2011 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinto (Post 66922)
Thank you! I just love consulting with the cool heads on this forum. Your calming effect is priceless.
I will be friendly and enjoy all the extra time with the kids.
pinto

Good for you for being flexible. If your STBX and her friend aren't as interested in being as flexible and friendly, you could always offer them the apartment for the visit.

:)

billm 05-13-2011 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mominneed (Post 66945)
I don't believe that spousal support goes away if your x moves in with someone else or remarries. Could be wrong but I don't believe that has anything to do with it.

It depends on the SS agreement - for the most part SS goes away if they remarry.

My SS is based on what happened during the marriage (ie it is based on compensation for her career damage, and our normal incomes), so marriage, job loss, income changes etc do not effect my SS payments, which I like.

However if SS is needs based, then a change in circumstances such as living with someone else, would definitely effect SS.


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