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-   -   Custody schedule change / losing job (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17088)

Pidge123 02-10-2014 01:59 PM

Custody schedule change / losing job
 
Hi Everyone,

I'm in a situation that is a bit concerning to me. When my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago, we did 7-7 custody schedule for a few months. She then dictated that it would be better for our 4 year old that it changes to 2-2-3 - I was flexible, and it's been like this for a year.

I'm now in a position that I may be losing my job because I'm not able to travel as much as I should be or used to (I should be traveling almost half my time). I can't travel because my travel is to Europe, and 2 days isn't enough for back and forth, meetings, etc. So my employer is now saying that I have to figure this schedule thing out and switch it to 7-7 so I can travel for work. I agree . . but am worried that it won't happen.

My ex doesn't want to change, because she is on the same schedule with her new husband's custody schedule (so they have all the children together). She says that she will take our son whenever I need to travel, but I know that she just wants to reach that 60% marker just to gain 100% child support payments (which I can't afford nor want as I may never be able to get him back 50%).

I really need this 7-7 to work to continue working at my job (fully knowing my ex won't agree). I bounced it off my lawyer, and she said that it probably won't fly, as it's not in the best interests of the child. My perspective is that me not having a job is also NOT in the best interests of the child.

I'm really lost on this and think I may be screwed either way . . . any advice would be great! Thanks,

PS: The ex is REALLY not cooperative in any way, shape or form.

FB_ 02-10-2014 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pidge123 (Post 164032)
Hi Everyone,

I'm in a situation that is a bit concerning to me. When my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago, we did 7-7 custody schedule for a few months. She then dictated that it would be better for our 4 year old that it changes to 2-2-3 - I was flexible, and it's been like this for a year.

I'm now in a position that I may be losing my job because I'm not able to travel as much as I should be or used to (I should be traveling almost half my time). I can't travel because my travel is to Europe, and 2 days isn't enough for back and forth, meetings, etc. So my employer is now saying that I have to figure this schedule thing out and switch it to 7-7 so I can travel for work. I agree . . but am worried that it won't happen.

My ex doesn't want to change, because she is on the same schedule with her new husband's custody schedule (so they have all the children together). She says that she will take our son whenever I need to travel, but I know that she just wants to reach that 60% marker just to gain 100% child support payments (which I can't afford nor want as I may never be able to get him back 50%).

I really need this 7-7 to work to continue working at my job (fully knowing my ex won't agree). I bounced it off my lawyer, and she said that it probably won't fly, as it's not in the best interests of the child. My perspective is that me not having a job is also NOT in the best interests of the child.

I'm really lost on this and think I may be screwed either way . . . any advice would be great! Thanks,

PS: The ex is REALLY not cooperative in any way, shape or form.

It could be argued that it's in the best interest that you continue to work your current job and request the schedule be changed to 7-7. I'm not sure what "best interest" argument she could make against it.

I'm not sure how this would look in front of a judge.

Pidge123 02-10-2014 02:28 PM

Yes, I guess it could be . . I work from home in my current job (because it's in sales, and my clients are abroad), so when I'm not traveling, I'm able to drop off my son later and pick him up earlier from afterschool daycare. I'm guessing that's in his "best interests".

As far as her argument, I'm guessing that he wouldn't be in sync with his new stepbrother and stepsister . . . well, at least for half the times. Also, she would probably pull up some literature that 2-2-3 is better for child development than 7-7 I don't know about that, but that's usually stuffed down my throat.

Berner_Faith 02-10-2014 02:37 PM

In my honest opinion, she should not be disadvantaged because of your job change. That being said, she should attempt to settle this to ensure the child has maximum time with you as well.

I know of a few people who have it written in their agreement that extra time with the other parent due to work obligations is not grounds to change custody.

You need to understand where she is coming from also. This has been going on for a year and has been working well. I assume they have set up their household as to take into consideration all the children. While that is not your concern, that is her's.

Search this form, as there are some threads regarding what is best for custody.

Pidge123 02-10-2014 09:35 PM

Keep in mind that I'm not planning on a job change. I will be losing my job if I cannot travel. Also, since my occupation in business development is somewhat niched . . . and there aren't many companies that provide what we do. SSSOOOO . . if I lose my job, it will be difficult to find another with the same salary, if I even can find a job in the same industry (ie. starting over). So the detriment to her is that I risk making less than her, so I assume that then she would have to pay ME child support (since we're 50/50).

Helpinghands 02-10-2014 09:42 PM

Well the best interest of the child is to have equal time with you and money to take care of him. I don't think any judge would not allow that if it comes down to losing your job. Your access time will remain equal between the two parents which is most important and healthy for your child. And you can procvide a good life to your son with your job. I think you will be fine if you show these two things are healthy and in the best interest of the child.

Links17 02-10-2014 09:51 PM

You can argue that as the child ages 2-2-3 becomes less important. There is a case from Quebec where the judge ordered 2-2-3 and ordered a revision to 7-7 at 4 years of age.

Maximizing Contact with both parents is interests of the child.

Berner_Faith 02-10-2014 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pidge123 (Post 164081)
Keep in mind that I'm not planning on a job change. I will be losing my job if I cannot travel. Also, since my occupation in business development is somewhat niched . . . and there aren't many companies that provide what we do. SSSOOOO . . if I lose my job, it will be difficult to find another with the same salary, if I even can find a job in the same industry (ie. starting over). So the detriment to her is that I risk making less than her, so I assume that then she would have to pay ME child support (since we're 50/50).

No one is saying you cannot travel for your job, but that doesn't mean she has to consent to an access change. It has been a status quo for over a year. One would hope that she would be flexible but there could be many reasons why she isn't.

You have this set schedule, which I assume, as I stated, she has planned her time around, this could include child care, activities, work obligations, etc. For you to just expect her to change is not very likely. Seeing as you don't really seem to know what you want.

You stated that you need 7 days to travel for work, but then stated in your other thread that you would be coming back a couple days before you access days to ensure you are home, so in reality you are only traveling for 3-4 days

In order to keep your offset status, you would need to have your child 6 out of 14 days. If you are worried about CS and having to pay her more, just know that 50-50 is no different CS wise than 40-60.

You already have a lawyer stating week about is not going to fly and I can only assume the lawyers reasons are the same regarding status quo and you cannot just expect the ex to change the arrangement because your job position is changing.

Pidge123 02-10-2014 11:27 PM

B_F, I understand what you are saying, and in fact, you are sounding a lot like my lawyer. I'm contemplating changing lawyers because she doesn't seem to even want to even give it a shot. Nonetheless, it's not about me changing my job . . something to my benefit . . it's about me LOSING my job (which by the way, would also negate any hope of me doing the Europe thing from my other thread).

So again, how important is it in your view that the father (me) loses his job and may not be able to properly provide for his child. Is that in the best interests of the child? At the end, what rules over the other . . her "convenience" or my "livelihood" (and ability to provide for my son)?

As for surpassing the 60/40, it only means 3 days a month (36 days / year). I travel MUCH more than that and have already asked my ex for approx 6 days / month to cover while I travel for business. At this rate, I will be over the 60%.

I think her motivation is not just the inconvenience, but she wants the 100% custody payments . . which I can't afford.

stripes 02-11-2014 01:01 AM

Wait a minute - aren't you the same person who started a thread titled "Out of Country/Province Custody" in which you indicated that you were contemplating living half time in Europe because you had met a woman there, with no mention of losing your job?

There's an important difference. If you really are going to lose your job if you don't go to Europe, it's arguably in the child's best interest that you keep your job because that's how you support your child, and it's reasonable to ask your ex to accommodate you. If you want a 7/7 schedule because you have a new girlfriend in Europe, you can't really argue that it's in the best interests of the child and should override the status quo that you have built up. Your ex has no obligation to accommodate your love life.

I think your lawyer is right. It's unreasonable to expect your ex, her new partner, and all the kids to change up their schedules for your convenience, and it's unethical to imply that your job is at stake if it's really about your girlfriend.


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