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Quaker_oats 04-27-2019 11:04 AM

Shift work and custody options
Hey everyone.

I going onto 2 years with my file, currently self representing. Iíve had lawyers assisting me in the past but cash flow became an issue.

Current problem is custody and access for shared custody . Currently I work overnights, Iím home by 8 am, my children get dropped off to me daily by the school bus after school. Typical schools night consist of the usual homework, dinner, lunches, showers and ready for bed when I drop them off to their mom at 8-8:30. Now Iím available to them all day, should they need appointments, medical emergencies, school trips and anything else they need throughout the day. Itís has been proven that their mom isnít available like I am yet my availability isnít been considered. The children pretty much only sleep at their moms, theyíre are waken up at 7am only to be dropped off at their grandparents for 7:15 buy their mother..

How can I work this in my favour, any ideas?

backinthesaddle 05-07-2019 12:03 PM

How old are your children? How long has this arrangement been in place? Do you work Sunday to Thursday? Not sure how one could lose custody over this arrangement. Many people work shift work, me included. You find someone to stay overnight with your kids until you get home. You could ask for week on week off and see if your employer would accommodate this. Human Rights now needs to accommodate for family status. My work does it. I haven't applied and my kids are older so I haven't needed to but many do.

Quaker_oats 05-07-2019 03:20 PM

My kids are 8-9.
My best friend whom also knows the girls is moving in to the home, she will provide overnight supervision for the girls while I work but the court says they would rather avoid third party supervision since the mother is available while I work. I feel this is going against my rights as a father as I have arranged proper care as needed.

Now the above is based off the idea of 50/50 with alternating weeks

backinthesaddle 05-07-2019 03:54 PM

What was custody like at the beginning? Who looks after your children when your ex is at work when there is no school? Seems to me like a double standard. It is easier to look after children when they are sleeping and 8/9 yr old kids are relatively easy to deal with. The courts wanted to leave a third party out of it? How do people work if a third party cannot help? A judge specifically said this? What days are you off? Is your ex adamant that she has them overnight? Getting children ready for bed and then taking them to another parents home at 8pm at night seems very disruptive to a child. Could you take that angle in your favour? I have never heard of this and many coworkers are divorced with shared custody and work overnight.

Quaker_oats 05-07-2019 11:22 PM

Ok Iíll try and get al the details..
My ex finally moved out in Dec, she is living in a small apartment about 400m from my home, her parents live right across the street so location is prime for the children.
-The kids sleep at their mothers, and get picked up at the grandparents in the morning for school,
- theyíre dropped off the bus at my home every night at 4
- I do 90% of daily activities with the kids, ie homework, lunches, showers, dinners, dance class weds night.
-I drop the kids off at 8-8:30 to their mom essentially ready for bed
-bedtime is 9pm.
- I agree with your comment about everyone needing third party help due to work obligations.
-yes the judge said that he would rather not see third party supervision at all
-im off weekends, my workweek starts at 11pm Sunday night and ends at 7:30 am Friday morning.
- my work is willing to accommodate hours to allow me home earlier (7:10am) to allow my friend to leave and letís me wake the kids up for morning routine
- I have the Ocl involved now so that process has begun as of yesterday ( may 6th)
-I am available for any daytime emergencies or appointments for the kids whereas the mother is not.
-the mother has been negligent with medical and dental appointments so Iíve had to step in to ensure proper care

Hope this helps for now, Iíll elaborate more in detail if needed

rockscan 05-08-2019 07:11 AM

It doesnít matter if you are available all day, they are in school. During the summer how do you sleep for work? If you worked during the day they would still need care during the summer.

If you are trying to get off set cs, you will need to look at cases where one parent works nightly. I donít think you are going to be able to do it based on your schedule. In many shared/off set cases, they split the time and because of school, the evenings/weekends balance out. You are gone every night regardless of them sleeping.

backinthesaddle 05-08-2019 07:49 AM

It seems like you and the ex are doing things as if you are still married. Lots of people share custody and work nights...police, fire, ambulance, nurses etc. Why don't you have set days and each parent sorts out their own childcare issues? Week on week off or whatever you feel is best for your kids.Each parent is responsible for the kids on that day. If you can't co-parent and work together then separately and peacefully in completely different homes is the way to go. Perhaps work an hour overtime on the days you don't have kids to make it up at work if that is manageable. I work shift work. I have set days so we work around that. My work is very accommodating and allows me to come in late. Like now, I have to get my kids to school for 8am but my work starts at 0645. This happens 6 times a month. I don't take a lunch and will be the last one gone on the other days. When I worked nights I got to leave early and had a nanny for the overnight sleep.

Quaker_oats 05-08-2019 09:07 AM

No Iím not trying to get out of child support thanks, Iím trying not to loose time with my kids because of my employment. Money comes and goes but time once lost canít be recovered.

What Iím trying to do is find a solution for my problem.
For 50/50 week on week off I have arrangements for child care while I work, but the issue is the court doesnít want third party supervision as I previously mentioned.. Iím trying to find examples of other cases that a third party is involved.
Option 1 like I said is a weekly rotation.
Option 2 is Iím responsible from 8am-8pm, now I know this is a weird schedule and many people would deem not ideal for the kids considering the amount of travel.
Option 3 is I change employment or become self employed which should make me available at all times. Now Iíd rather avoid this scenario considering the benifit coverage I have working for the city.


Selfrepmom 05-08-2019 10:08 AM


Originally Posted by Quaker_oats (Post 235418)
For 50/50 week on week off I have arrangements for child care while I work, but the issue is the court doesn’t want third party supervision as I previously mentioned.. I’m trying to find examples of other cases that a third party is involved.

Almost every case has third party supervision included whether it is directly mentioned or not. Even the majority of families NOT separated make regular use of third party supervision.

This is merely one judge’s opinion. It isn’t an order and you would be hard pressed to find any judge, anywhere, that has ordered no third party supervision ever. PERHAPS this judge voiced their concern on this because they either
a) don’t like the current arrangement where the kids are being shipped to different homes 2-3x a day
b) a little confused on your overnight care proposition and anticipate some push back from your ex on it (in your one post you say your ¬ďfemale friend¬Ē is moving in with you, but in your other you say that you can get off work early enough so that she can leave before the kids wake up). You can almost 100% guarantee that moving a ¬ďfemale friend¬Ē into your ex¬ís old home that she used to share with you, when she only moved out 4 months ago, AND lives 400m from your home is going to cause problems

Your Option 1 is a valid option.
Option 2- no judge is going to consider giving their stamp of approval on
Option 3- not an option

**Option 4** You offer a 2/2/3 schedule or something similar. Kids always know where they are on which days of the week and will fall into a steady routine easily. On your ex’s weekdays, (ie Monday & Tuesdays) she arranges to have someone-like her parents- care for the children before they go to school (none of your business). On your weekdays (ie Wednesday & Thursdays) you arrange for care for the children while you are at work (none of her business) You DO NOT tell the ex you are moving in a female friend etc. It is your responsibility to arrange for suitable care during your parenting time. Your ex has no input on who that is unless it is a danger to kids. Just don’t stoke the fire by mentioning this female friend again. And then on your alternating Fri/Sat/Sun you have a blast with your kids since you don’t work then.

Side note: Your comment about mother being negligent with medical/dental.... unless she is refusing to let them get their vaccinations or necessary dental work, you drop this. Maybe offer in your next brief to take responsibility for all regular appointments and schedule them for your Fridays/Saturdays. But stop making pointless digs. Like telling your ex that you are moving a woman in, this will only inflame things

Janus 05-12-2019 10:51 PM


Originally Posted by Quaker_oats (Post 235407)
My kids are 8-9.
I feel this is going against my rights as a father as I have arranged proper care as needed.

I feel you have been adequately answered. I just wanted to add that you have no specific rights as a father. Arguing from the stance of your rights will get you a swift kick in the proverbial ass. The argument has to be solely from the best interests of the kids.


Originally Posted by selfrepmom
You offer a 2/2/3 schedule or something similar. Kids always know where they are on which days of the week and will fall into a steady routine easily.

I think she meant 2/2/5/5. 2/2/3 is hardly predictable at all. Well, I guess as predictable as a coin flip, but almost all custody arrangements generally have that level of predictability.

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