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-   -   Have you had a bad experience with couple's therapy? (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9939)

wendylouise 08-10-2011 05:12 PM

Have you had a bad experience with couple's therapy?
 
Hi everyone,

I am a freelance journalist and I'm writing an article for More magazine on couple's counselling.

The article explores the notion that couple's therapy isn't always a cure-all or "fix" and looks at when it's likely to work, and when it's likely to fail. It also looks at the fact that couple's counsellors aren't regulated and some are less competent than others. As couple's therapy can be very costly, the article will hopefully save women time and money by showing readers how to tell if they are getting what they need out of couple's counselling.

I am looking for a Canadian woman over 40 who has had a negative experience with couple's counselling. (The magazine is for women over 40, so it is key that the source 40+). If you or anyone you know fits this description, can you please message me and we will arrange a time to talk over the phone? I will use a pseudonym in the article so as to protect the source's privacy.

THANK YOU!

Wendy

Jana 08-11-2011 10:53 PM

bad experience with couple's therapist
 
I am over 40, educated, professional woman. My hyusband and I, we had a few sessions with a couple's therapist in Ottawa. Overall, it was a bad experience.

After private sessions with each of us and a few session toegheter, the only assesment we got, it was that according her knowdlege, couples have issues reted to: sex, money and family.
I could read the books myself, without paying that lady big money.She didn't have the ability to devlop an interhumane relationship and to speak with us outside her books.

We stopped seeing this lady, as both of us decided that she was not a good therapist. Three years later, we were still toegheter, still working on our relationship.

A friend of mine had a bad experience too; that was almost 20 years ago. She and her husband had a one yo child and they went to see a therapist. This therapist was a male, very famous. After having a short assesment with them, the therapist told them '' you have no chance''. My friend was shocked and she could only said: but there is a one year old child involved... Her words didn't make any difference, the paid hour was over.

Overall, if you get to see a therapist, you want to get involved help. all you can hear it is a nonjudgemental opinion. I consider this approach quite poor and lacking involvment and responsability.

wendylouise 08-12-2011 12:19 AM

Dear Jana,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I have sent you a private message with my contact info as I would like to get further details from you - I think your insight will be helpful for many women considering counselling, potentially saving readers time and money.
Thanks again,
Wendy

billm 08-12-2011 02:22 AM

My ex only liked therapists that had never met me :D

Tayken 08-12-2011 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendylouise (Post 72763)
Hi everyone,

I am a freelance journalist and I'm writing an article for More magazine on couple's counselling.

The article explores the notion that couple's therapy isn't always a cure-all or "fix" and looks at when it's likely to work, and when it's likely to fail. It also looks at the fact that couple's counsellors aren't regulated and some are less competent than others. As couple's therapy can be very costly, the article will hopefully save women time and money by showing readers how to tell if they are getting what they need out of couple's counselling.

I am looking for a Canadian woman over 40 who has had a negative experience with couple's counselling. (The magazine is for women over 40, so it is key that the source 40+). If you or anyone you know fits this description, can you please message me and we will arrange a time to talk over the phone? I will use a pseudonym in the article so as to protect the source's privacy.

THANK YOU!

Wendy

Hi Wendy,

It is interesting that you are only looking for information from a female's perspective. As separation and divorce effect genders equally and same sex couples wouldn't this bias your article?

Couples therapy is also "couples therapy" and a joint experience from both partners in the marriage - not just the female. I do realize that your magazine is "gender specific" but, I do think that both sides of the story are worth investigating as two people (not just one) are involved in the experience.

Now, there are a few key things *anyone* should be looking for when seeking a therapist. Be it a joint session or individual.

1) Registration of the clinician with a recognized governing body that is responsible to one (or more) Health Care act. By this I mean someone registered to the Ontario College of Physicians and Surgeons, or the Ontario College of Registered Psychologists and Counselors. Social Workers are also governed by a college.

2) The couple should be investigating the selected therapist's registration with their governing body (college) for any practice complaints.

3) They should have a solid background in psychology at a minimum. I would recommend someone who has a background in high-conflict situations and has significant training from the likes of William Eddy or similarly qualified professional in addition to their psychological background.

4) The therapist should have a solid understanding of personality disorders (Axis II disorders) as well as anxiety disorders and depression (major, regressive, et all...). Their knowledge should extend far beyond the "textbook" definitions. They should include knowledge from modern authors like Christine Ann Lawson and Randi Kregger. (In particular William Eddy.) This knowledge should include modern understanding of architypes of personality disorders.

5) The therapist should be focused on "resolving conflict" and not "saving the marriage". If you are able to "resolve conflict" then a marriage will be saved. If the conflict can't be resolved it is doomed to failure.

6) The therapist should collect a detailed family history of health. Not just physical conditions but, mental health conditions. Both parties in the therapy should consent to the release of their medical records to the therapist and provide consent for the therapist to discuss the situation with each person's family practitioner. No party should go in harboring any hidden medical conditions that could impact the effectiveness of therapy.

7) The therapist should be affiliated with no organization that is not gender neutral. The therapist chosen should not be aligned to any single gender specific issue. For example, the therapist should *not* be working at a women's (or men's) shelter. The therapist should be gender neutral and focused from a "couples" perspective and not a gender specific one. There should be no power imbalances of opinion with the therapist.

I hope this helps!
Tayken

wendylouise 08-15-2011 12:37 PM

Billm - :D

Tayken - Thanks for your thorough and helpful comments. I will definitely keep them in mind as I research the article.

Everyone else - I am still searching for sources as outlined above. Thanks!


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