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-   -   If there is no agreement on offers to settle at a settlement conference (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23588)

StillPaying 05-19-2021 12:23 PM

You're already at your (20th?) Settlement conference.
Book a trial management conference at your next SC for asap, 1 or 2 months. They'll give you homework to do before trial and you'll probably meet for one last conference right before trial. Trials are usually set for a few weeks twice a year.

Donald Duck 05-19-2021 12:35 PM

It's something like 18 to 20, honestly cannot remember and there have been CC/SC and also a TMC which really have all been the same thing.

I have been behind the 8 ball a lot due to the false allegations and also had numerous lawyers and self represented a lot so there were lots of mistakes on my part among other issues.

We also had 2 legal aid settlement conferences when I had a regular lawyer and she had a legal aid one.

We in effect agreed that we would go 50/50 but the other side said when the child was 4 then changed it to 5, and then we did not go back as I could not afford my lawyer anymore, so that whole thing went by the wayside, then Covid hit and they denied access for months.

It's been a gong show and her lawyer is very sneaky and plays the silver bullet strategy to perfection.

Bottom line is that I have never wavered that I want 50/50 and due to no fault of the child, we need to increase access steadily once they agree to overnights.

StillPaying 05-19-2021 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donald Duck (Post 246330)
Bottom line is that I have never wavered that I want 50/50.

I agree with Janus here. Your expectations are very high and you need a lawyer desperately. There's no way you're progressing backwards.

Saying you want 50/50 and actually fighting for it instead of letting it go to the wayside are way different.

iona6656 05-19-2021 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying (Post 246331)
I agree with Janus here. Your expectations are very high and you need a lawyer desperately. There's no way you're progressing backwards.

Saying you want 50/50 and actually fighting for it instead of letting it go to the wayside are way different.

this.

you need an actual plan of how you're going to get to 50/50. Janus and I disagree on whether that is gradual or not. BUT if you've beat all these "silver bullets" the other side has lobbed at you- get a parenting plan together that shows gradual increases every two months or so. If access and parenting time is the only thing left on the table- get to trial.

StillPaying 05-19-2021 02:13 PM

Depending on when you can get on the trial (waiting) list, and only if you had a lawyer, you may want to bring a motion before trial to increase your access now. Then, hopefully you can come to an agreement or at least it's less of a jump for the trial judge.

Janus 05-19-2021 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 246336)
you need an actual plan of how you're going to get to 50/50. Janus and I disagree on whether that is gradual or not.

Not really. Anybody who does not have 50/50 and wants it must propose a gradual plan to get there. In the case of Donald here, that gradual is probably on the order of a year or two. He is starting from a shockingly low amount of parenting time.

Our general disagreement is that you think the gradual change is useful, whereas I think the gradual change is just theatre. Either way, judges agree with your interpretation, so even if gradual is just theatre, it still has to be done :)


Quote:

BUT if you've beat all these "silver bullets" the other side has lobbed at you- get a parenting plan together that shows gradual increases every two months or so. If access and parenting time is the only thing left on the table- get to trial.
Exactly. And not a vague plan either. A very specific one with very specific times. I've seen gradual plans that look like:

Week 3: One overnight
Week 7: Two overnights
Week 9: Three overnights

Which overnights? What time do these start? When do they end? Where do the transfers take place? The schedule has to be ridiculously specific. You need to know exactly where the kid is going to be October 11th at 6:43pm. If you do not know that, then the schedule is not sufficiently specific.

Donald Duck 05-19-2021 09:48 PM

Thanks very much all for the incredible advice!!!!!!

Putting things together as we speak!

Thanks again, very much, as always,

iona6656 05-20-2021 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donald Duck (Post 246348)
Thanks very much all for the incredible advice!!!!!!

Putting things together as we speak!

Thanks again, very much, as always,

This is roughly how our graduated parenting plan was laid out:

Applicant = dad
Respondent = mom
D3 = my daughter's name

PARENTING TIME

1. In this section, the words listed below have the following meanings:

“School Year” means the Montessori pre-school year as set by D3’s Preschool [add your kids school here]; when the Child reaches such age as to make her eligible to attend public school, it shall mean the set school year as outlined by the applicable school;

“Agreement” means this Agreement and the Schedules to this Agreement as may be amended from time to time between the Region and the Service Provider;

“Day” means the each Calendar Day , inclusive of weekends;

“Statutory Holiday” means a day on which government offices and agencies are closed, this would include school closure(s);

“Non-Statuory Holiday” means a day observed as having special meaning at large but no closure or special observation is required of the parties, e.g. Halloween or St. Patrick’s day.

“Summer Holiday” means the summer holiday when the Child will not be attending school.

“Vacation” shall mean travel outside the province, including travel outside of Canada.


“Pick Up/ Drop Off times” for clarity on the pick up and drop off times; pick up will be the responsibility of the Party who’s parenting time is beginning to pick up D3 from the other Party’s residence. For example, on Wednesdays, the Applicant shall pick up D3 from the Respondent’s residence at the beginning his parenting time. At the end of the Applicant’s parenting time, the Respondent shall pick up D3 from the Applicant’s residence. Pick up from [NAME OF SCHOOL] School means the end of school day at 3:45pm. When D3 transitions to public school, pick up shall be from her school at the end of day.


2. The parents agree to the following transitional schedule with the understanding that there are no significant issues/concerns raised by either parent with regard to the emotional and physical safety of D3. If any issues are raised by either parent, they commit to scheduling a session with [NAME OF OUR PARENTING COACH] as soon as possible in order to discuss the issue/concern with the view to reviewing the appropriateness of the transitional schedule. Any emergencies or safety concerns will require the parents to contact a hospital and/or police.

Starting from the date of execution of this Agreement, the parties shall have parenting time with the child as follows:



3. Commencing [DATE]:



a) When these conditions are fulfilled, the Applicant shall have unsupervised parenting time with D3 on Wednesdays 2:30 pm – 5:30pm, and Saturdays 10:00am – 5:00pm.

b) The Applicant shall be responsible for providing lunch for D3 on Saturdays.

c) The Applicant shall pick-up D3 from the Respondent’s home. The Respondent shall pick-up D3 from the Applicant’s home at the end of the Applicant’s parenting time.



4. Commencing [a DATE four months later]

Commencing on [DATE], the child shall be in Applicant’s care as set out below. The child shall be in the Respondent’s care during the remaining times.

Wednesdays: 2:30pm to 7:00 pm.
Saturdays: 10:00am to 7:00 pm.

The Applicant shall be responsible for providing lunch on Saturdays, and dinner on Wednesdays and Saturdays.


5. Commencing [DATE two months later]

D3 shall be in the Applicant’s care as set out below. D3 shall be in the Respondent’s care during the remaining time.

Wednesdays: 3:45 pm to 7:00 pm.
Fridays: 3:45 pm to 7:00 pm.
Saturdays: 10:00am to 7:00 pm.


Pick ups on Wednesdays and Fridays will be from [NAME OF SCHOOL] School in [CITY].
Pick up on the weekend will remain at the Respondent’s residence.

6. Transition to overnights

Building on clauses 5 and 6 above, the parties agree to the following schedule to allow transition of D3 to overnight. On the third Friday of each of [add in 3 consecutive months- e.g. August, September, and October], D3 shall spend one overnight with the Applicant, outside the normal schedule as follows:



August 2021: From 3:45 p.m. on Friday, August 20, 2021 to 11:00 a.m.
on Saturday, August 21, 2021

September 2021: From 3:45 p.m. on Friday, September 17, 2021 to
1:00 p.m. on Saturday, September 18, 2021

October 2021: From 3:45 p.m. on Friday, October 15, 2021 to 4:00 p.m. on
Saturday, October 16, 2021


7. Commencing [DATE]

Commencing [date], D3 shall be in the Applicant’s care as set out below:


Wednesdays: 3:45 pm to 7:00 pm.
Weeks 1 and 3: Fridays 3:45 pm to Saturday 6:00pm.
Weeks 2 and 4: Saturdays 10:00 am to Sunday 6:00pm.

8. Commencing [Date- two months later]

Commencing [DATE], D3 shall be in the Applicant’s care as set out below:

Wednesdays: Pickup after school Wednesdays to drop-off at school on
Thursday morning
Weeks 1 and 3: Pick up after school on Fridays to drop-off at school on
Monday morning.

9. Commencing [Date- pick a date when kid is say- 5 years old]

Commencing when child reaches 5 years old. The parents shall have equal parenting time on a 2-2-3- schedule, or week about- or whatever gets you to 50-50.

Donald Duck 05-20-2021 02:14 PM

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you very much!

Donald Duck 05-25-2021 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 246346)
Not really. Anybody who does not have 50/50 and wants it must propose a gradual plan to get there. In the case of Donald here, that gradual is probably on the order of a year or two. He is starting from a shockingly low amount of parenting time.

Our general disagreement is that you think the gradual change is useful, whereas I think the gradual change is just theatre. Either way, judges agree with your interpretation, so even if gradual is just theatre, it still has to be done :)




Exactly. And not a vague plan either. A very specific one with very specific times. I've seen gradual plans that look like:

Week 3: One overnight
Week 7: Two overnights
Week 9: Three overnights

Which overnights? What time do these start? When do they end? Where do the transfers take place? The schedule has to be ridiculously specific. You need to know exactly where the kid is going to be October 11th at 6:43pm. If you do not know that, then the schedule is not sufficiently specific.

I put togeather a very specific parenting plan and retained a lawyer too.

As I stated previously the only outstanding issue is access and the childs mother offered a final phase of parenting time of EOW and Wednesday for a few hours.

Our counter offer takes their offer and increases time up to 50/50 over two years which takes the child to 7.

All other details are very specific as to holidays, exchanges, etc.

They obviously will not accept and I'm curious to see what the Judge does but the other lawyer has already requested that we go to a trial or a focused hearing if I do not accept their offer.

There literally are zero other issues, and the childs mother has even written in a recent affidavit that I'm a very good father and our son needs to spend more time with me.


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