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-   -   Looking for a Parenting Coordinator in the GTA (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22702)

OpenSesame 08-28-2019 07:47 PM

Looking for a Parenting Coordinator in the GTA
 
Any recommendations?

Writing on behalf of my partner who is currently seeking 50/50 parenting time for two children ages 3 and 4.5. He and his wife have been separated for just about 2y now. She was very hurt by his leaving and has been unable to separate her feelings from what he believes is in the best interest of the children. They are both well educated with strong opinions, good jobs, and live within 4min. drive of each other.

He currently sees the children Wednesday evenings from 5-7p and Saturdays from approx. 8:30a to 7p. Would like to transition to a 3344 schedule. Can a parenting coordinator help with that? Or do they have to go to court to get that schedule ordered before a PO can step in?

Need one regardless for order re: school which needs resolved by January 2020.

Much appreciated!

standing on the sidelines 08-29-2019 02:19 PM

how was the original parenting time decided?

OpenSesame 08-29-2019 02:37 PM

She drafted a separation agreement with that schedule then threatened to take him to court and drag it out for the next 2-3 years if he didnt sign. He signed. Then he got a lawyer, learned his rights, and is looking to have the agreement thrown out - there are several elements very biased in her favor.

She says shes open to 50/50 but wont commit to a timeline or any kind of schedule. Weve had the kids about 30% of the time in August but I expect thats only because she needed the childcare. They had a live-in nanny whos contract ended last month so she renewed on her own but reduced the hours. Once the kids start school / daycare next week shell revoke access as the nanny will take care of the kids before and after school.

iona6656 08-30-2019 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSesame (Post 237805)
She drafted a separation agreement with that schedule then threatened to take him to court and drag it out for the next 2-3 years if he didnt sign. He signed. Then he got a lawyer, learned his rights, and is looking to have the agreement thrown out - there are several elements very biased in her favor.

Wait- he signed the agreement BEFORE getting legal advice? Why?

Quote:

She says shes open to 50/50 but wont commit to a timeline or any kind of schedule. Weve had the kids about 30% of the time in August but I expect thats only because she needed the childcare. They had a live-in nanny whos contract ended last month so she renewed on her own but reduced the hours. Once the kids start school / daycare next week shell revoke access as the nanny will take care of the kids before and after school.
Does he have joint custody? or does mom have sole?

OpenSesame 08-30-2019 06:06 PM

He talked to a former family law paralegal before signing but did not talk to or retain counsel. He signed because the agreement provided for joint custody / guardianship and decision-making as well as Montessori education for the children, equal sharing of all holidays including summer break, and a review of the parenting schedule Sept. 1 of this year. There is proof that she threatened him before he signed but I also don't believe he really understood that regardless of it being a "kitchen table" agreement (witnessed by the nanny) it still carries weight. He does now.

On the flip side, I expect it carries somewhat less weight since she has disregarded several elements of the agreement. She ignored the provision for Montessori school and enrolled the children in public, does not share holidays, and does not engage in joint decision-making.

The result is that I believe he will move to have the entire agreement thrown out. His lawyer has said it's highly unlikely he would lose joint custody / guardianship and there's really nothing else worth preserving at this point, except maybe the division of property. Otherwise, he's been overpaying child support and other expenses since he left.

So.. recommendations for a parenting coordinator?

I'm a firm believer in trying to work it out. In a perfect world, we would all just get along! I understand why that's difficult but am hopeful a parenting coordinator would be able to put things into perspective for both of them and help make decisions. I do not believe mediation would work at this stage.. I've seen the communication. She's not in a place where she would be open to compromise or seeing his perspective and she has threatened to drag this out on more than one occasion. They need someone with some decision-making authority. And it's court-ordered for the school decision which is up for review in December (so they can make early enrolment for January / February if necessary).

Also we did just send her a proposal for transitioning the children to 50/50 over the course of the next four months... nothing back yet. The answer will be no. She says her lawyer said we should work toward two overnights every 14 days (i.e. once a week) by the end of 2020. That sounds crazy to me, no?

iona6656 09-02-2019 10:01 PM

A lot of stuff youve included in your post doesnt really change anything and sounds inflammatory.

Doesnt matter why your partner left or how angry his ex was.

Doesnt (legally) matter if she threatened him with litigation.

Whats changed now, from two years ago? Other than the kids are older and easier to take care of?

Actually what their mother is proposing isnt nuts. A child focused PC will probably tell you transitioning toddlers to 50/50 in four months- who have only known one parent as the caregiver is actually nuts.

My 3yr old daughter is transitioning from a similar access arrangement as dad in your case. And were headed to EOW and Wednesday nights- but thats over a two year period. Its child focused. Were checking in with the PC once a month and will move up or back dates depending on how our D3 is doing.

iona6656 09-02-2019 10:13 PM

Also, PCs only have decision making authority if both parents give them that. Doesnt sound like in your case- either parent would agree to that.


Whats the big issue with school in February? Is it because they disagree whether the youngest goes to Montessori? v JK at public school?

Janus 09-03-2019 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSesame (Post 237805)
She says shes open to 50/50 but wont commit to a timeline or any kind of schedule.

In the event that you are a gullible couple who cannot see the obvious, let me state it for you:

The mother is not open to 50/50, she is stalling. She will never voluntarily give 50/50. The only way you are getting 50/50 is in court.

You do not need a parenting coordinator. You have nothing to coordinate. You are about to have a war with the mother, or you are about to concede completely and watch the kids fade out of your partner's life.

I would say self-rep, but your partner already signed one really moronic agreement. He probably needs a lawyer. The fact that you were looking for a parenting coordinator leads me to believe that you do not realize the depth of the hole out of which you guys need to climb.

Janus 09-03-2019 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenSesame (Post 237845)
The result is that I believe he will move to have the entire agreement thrown out.

Kids are not the same as money.

If an agreement is financially unfair, then it can be thrown out. Money can be redistributed.

Kids though are heavily governed by status quo and best interests. Your partner currently has 0% overnights. Unless the 4 year old has developed a drug habit secondary to her employment in the sex industry, it is going to be hard to argue that mom is not doing a fine job. Four year olds are generally easy kids without problems.

Throwing the agreement out will have zero effect on custody. You would have to show that 50/50 is better than the current custody arrangement, which in practice means showing that the mom is screwing up somehow.


Quote:

His lawyer has said it's highly unlikely he would lose joint custody / guardianship
That is true, your partner will not lose joint custody. Everyone gets joint custody except for Iona's ex. :)

What the lawyer is not mentioning is that you will almost certainly lose the case and have to pay for a portion of the ex's lawyer's costs. That might not be cheap.

Quote:

I'm a firm believer in trying to work it out.
Mom has had the kid for two years. She is getting child support. Why on earth would she give that up? There is no way this is getting "worked out" to 50/50. At best your partner will get EOW and maybe one weekday. At best.

Quote:

Also we did just send her a proposal for transitioning the children to 50/50 over the course of the next four months... nothing back yet.
Resend your proposal, but make it over the next two years instead of the next four months.

Realistically, kids are super adaptable and they could easily handle a four month changeover period. However, the courts have this belief that kids are fragile and need a lot of time to get used to a new parent. It is nonsense, but that is what they believe. They will never go for your four month transition plan.

Quote:

She says her lawyer said we should work toward two overnights every 14 days (i.e. once a week) by the end of 2020. That sounds crazy to me, no?
Doesn't sound too crazy. As I said, send a new schedule, make it slightly more aggressive (3 out of 14 by the end of 2020) and then have it continue until you are 7/14 by the end of 2021.

Tayken 09-03-2019 06:43 AM

As for a recommendation:

https://familysolutionstoronto.ca/te...e-vanbetlehem/


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