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-   -   Picking Your Battles... (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11581)

Berner_Faith 03-11-2012 12:35 PM

Picking Your Battles...
 
There have been a few posts on this forum, were the OP is told to pick their battles. I can't agree more with this advice, something so small is not worth the hassle just to not give the ex what he/she wants...

My example for today... on Friday my bf received a text from his stbx saying she was in another car accident (second in 2 years)... luckily the children were not with her and she was okay.. the problem was, I was to meet her today to pick up the children at 1:30... however, she was unsure if the van was a right off or not and would not know more until Saturday (yesterday)...

Yesterday while I was at work, I received a text from her, asking if I was able to pick up the children at her place, as the van was a write off and she could not get a rental until Monday... my first initial thought was no... because two months ago when we had to have new brakes put on our van, she was unwilling to come and pick up the children from our place and said we had to find away to meet her... however, we all know you get more bees with honey.

Before I had a chance to write her back, she phoned me... obviously upset and embarrassed by what had happened, she tried to plead with me about picking up the children... I had already made up my mind that of course we would pick them up... lets face it, we never give up a chance to spend with them...

She offered me gas money, offered to do the next 2 exchanges, offered to not cash his next CS cheque.... now some people may have taken any of those offers, but really, none of them had any merit to me, I was just excited to have the kids for a week... I told her to relax, its unfortunate what happen, but I was glad she was okay. I said we would pick the children up later tonight as apposed to this afternoon, and no, I/we didn't expect any of what she offered.

There was a pause, and then she Thanked me... she thanked me for being so understanding, she thanked me for not freaking out and she thanked me for being so awesome to her kids... to me, there was no thanks necessary...its just the type of person I am... she is still their mother and it is going to be a lifetime of us dealing with her, why not do so has civil as possible?

I just hope this is a step in the direction that eventually any hostility she has towards me and my bf, will diminish and together we can all provide the children with the best possible...

I just wanted to share a positive story, as we are often told of the negatives...

Happy Sunday All!

torontonian 03-11-2012 12:42 PM

Good for you... if only more were like that....

Mess 03-11-2012 01:21 PM

Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.

Berner_Faith 03-11-2012 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mess (Post 89147)
Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.

Ha ha...unfortunately you are most likely right... but we all have to hope every once in a while:rolleyes:

Fedupwithcrap 03-11-2012 02:27 PM

Thank you for sharing Berner_Faith, it's truly wonderful to hear the good stories :)
Hopefully perhaps by displaying gratitude the way she did, maybe just maybe she's willing to be more courteous from now on. There's always hope.

May_May 03-11-2012 02:50 PM

BF_thanks for sharing...I agree-easier to attract flies with honey. Whenever possible I put things into perspective for my ex as to how the conversation will benefit him...it's a great way to start and I usually get less contention when I do that.

Rioe 03-11-2012 07:57 PM

Maybe the crash rattled something into place in her brain.

Mess 03-11-2012 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rioe (Post 89157)
Maybe the crash rattled something into place in her brain.

Maybe not far from the truth. Sometimes a serious accident can make you realize just how petty all the petty stuff is.

tugofwar 03-11-2012 09:20 PM

Good thing you took the high road... And yes maybe the crash might have stirred up some thoughts and feelings. That was pretty big and nice of her to thank you with explanations, must have made you feel alittle good inside. Alot of people would have just insisted you do the pick up and never send a thanks.
I tried to be the bigger person today after informing my ex of our little ones sickness ( Childs first experience with vomitting) it took 5hours to respond to my text and then became a way for them to get off topic) I choose to ignore, one of the reasons I hate sending texts or emails
I just thought if it was reversed, that was something I hope they would have shared with me..

wretchedotis 03-11-2012 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mess (Post 89147)
Everyone has good day from time to time, I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon.


LOL! Too Funny.


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