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Nigel 10-23-2011 08:20 PM

mediation agreement
My ex wants to change our mediated agreement. Am I obliged to pay for half of re-mediation because she is unhappy with the original agreement?

ddol1 10-23-2011 08:50 PM

there was a post here that gave a real good case study on why a spouse did not want to continue through and sign what in this case would be an incomplete mediation agreement. You speak of absolutes (yes/no - black/white) where in reality it doesn't matter because you never had a mediated agreement! For it to be complete it would take both your signatures on it!

So why do you not instead look at this as what is preventing your ex spouse from going through with the agreement in its current state? There are 1001 reasons why your ex spouse is backing out and maybe just one for her to be satisfied? It can be anything from a small piece of wording that he/she discovered was missing and would make this a better more solid, more likely to be followed agreement to a huge ommision or worse (say your spouse now feels they were railroaded into making decisions and now there has been a period of time to think about it there is hesitation.

I only put a couple of reasons here there are 999 other possible ones?? Might be a logical step to speak to your stbx and ask what is the hesitation? You maybe surprized to find out it is not a whole new document but just a minor tweek that you do not object to??

NBDad 10-24-2011 12:02 PM

Is the agreement a final order? What reasons are being listed for changing her mind?

The ex agreed to something during mediation, this was documented by the mediator I assume and now she is backing out? Simply push forward and ask that the mediated agreement be made the final order, let the ex argue about changing things they already agreed to.

OR offer to return to mediation IF the ex picks up the cost.

Nigel 10-24-2011 04:15 PM

Mediated Agreement
Thanks for your advice. The agreement was mediated 2 years ago and lasts 5 years. It was signed by both of us at that time with our lawyers as witnesses so I assume it is a "final order"(?). She says that if I don't pay for half of re-mediation then she will file to take me to court. Can she force me to pay for half of the re-mediation even though the original 5 year term has not transpired? How do I push to make the agreement a "final order"?

NBDad 10-24-2011 05:27 PM

It's probably already a final order if the lawyers signed off on it. 2 years of status quo, she'd have a bugger of a time arguing to break things now.

Check with your lawyer and see if it was filed with the court first.

ddol1 10-24-2011 11:42 PM

different story if it is on the go for two years now? I do not think there could be any cause for your being forced to reopen anything - even if she goes to the lawyer. Correct me if I need to learn something here about mediation, settlements and divorce but is not the mediated agreement the conditions to which your seperation agreement is built on, and if you go through with it to the end - it then represents the conditions of your divorce settlement/agreement that I thought was essentially for keeps. This would mean we get one chance at making an agreement we are satisfied with. Once done, signed and filed with the court it basically finalizes the whole process that took so much effort to complete in the first place?

So this is also the first time I have heard of a mediated agreement for the purposes of seperation/divorce that had a lifespan - five years or otherwise? Can anyone elaborate on this...... after hearing so many times "you had your shot to negotiate. If you don't like it, or if you missed some sort of clause then a big ToUgH! It is too late so get used to it!" (this having nothing to do with the annual revisiting of support conditions and the exchange of each others annual incomes.)

billm 10-25-2011 10:41 AM

What does she want - can't you just work it out between you?

HammerDad 10-25-2011 10:50 AM

Depending on the nature of what she was to re-negotiate, you may be under no obligation to discuss it with her.

If she wants to change the current parenting time scheme to something that does not provide for at least the same parenting time for you, I would simply state you don't agree that there is a need for a change and that it is in the best interests of the children to maintain status quo.

If it relates to child support, well....that doesn't really need an agreement to change. That should be changing automatically as the payors income fluctuates.

If it relates to some random insignificant matter that has little effect on your parenting time or whatever, I would agree to mediate, at her expense, as she is the one who is seeking to alter the agreement. Should mediation be successful, I would agree to them reimburse her 50% of the costs of mediation. I would agree to mediate in good faith.

But if her issue is something you wouldn't agree to anyway, like you getting less parenting time, I would simply state to her that you don't agree with any change that reduces your parenting time and that mediation will not change your mind on that.

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