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motherbear4 11-12-2012 12:37 PM

How Do I Respond to This?
I have a high conflict ex. We've just been through another round of craziness with letters flying back and forth between lawyers. This past weekend was his weekend and he sent me this email:

An important FYI..

I just had a conversation with S3 one on one and he expressed that you love Twin Brother more than he out of the blue. im sure that is not the case and i told him so but i find it important to tell you so that you can be aware and talk to him about it.

Obviously the continuation of that thought would be damaging to him.

I know that kids feel like this all the time....I remember saying something like this to my mother as well. And more importantly...he (they) are 3.5, not exactly the age to be having a "conversation" of this nature. Normally I just ignore stuff like this, but seeing as it comes hot on the heals of his latest antics...should I respond? If so, I'm not sure how to. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


Mess 11-12-2012 12:43 PM

This may just be passing on information. To the extent that it comes on the heels of a period of very high conflict, I might think that the email is a record for him that there may be issues with the children's relationship with you.

I am not saying there ARE issues, I am saying that he now has a record of an email he sent "discussing" the situation. My ex used to do this all the time.

Have warm one-on-one with your child and say you love him and his brother exactly the same, that's why you had twins!

Then send a brief note back to the dad stating the child says the same thing about him. ;)

Janus 11-12-2012 12:43 PM

I would either ignore completely, or respond:

"Over the upcoming decades, it is important for us to be able to communicate with regards to issues surrounding our children. Thank you for your message, and I hope that we can continue to work together."

...but that's just me :). He's trying to needle you, if you write back a nice message like that, then he's just wasting his time.

fireweb13 11-12-2012 12:58 PM

You could write a quick. "Thank you for the info"
So you are not trying to continue the conversation, have not said you have done anything about it but not saying you have not done anything about it. It shows you are responding and not ignoring something but you also don't really want to open up a big discussion.
Agree totally about having a warm one on one with each of them.

motherbear4 11-12-2012 01:04 PM

Thank you! This one definitely requires a response but was not sure if it should be a one liner or not. Am definitely waiting 24hrs before responding to keep from biting back ;)

Lots of warm one on ones and group "hugs, kisses, etc" happen every day :D

wretchedotis 11-13-2012 01:40 AM


Originally Posted by Mess (Post 115463)
Then send a brief note back to the dad stating the child says the same thing about him. ;)


Well played.

caranna 11-13-2012 09:51 AM

Throughout their childhood, I tried to have my kids feel equally loved and important. When each of them came to me and claimed that I liked the other one better, I figured that I did OK. :)

motherbear4 11-13-2012 11:37 AM

Thanks everyone! I loved the part about replying the same to him as well :D The rotten thing is, I have two older children and I've been through this before with them (still do and one is in university!). But I have to be very careful with the twins' dad. I've sent him the usual "Thanks, I've read this" one-liner; hopefully he does not reply.

blinkandimgone 11-13-2012 11:45 AM

I would simply reply with :

"Thanks for letting me know. That's exactly the same thing I told him when he expressed the same about you! Glad to see we're on the same page and working toward a common goal."

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