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iona6656 05-23-2019 10:09 AM

Medical Appointments
 
D2.5 has a lot. Dermatologist. Allergists. Pediatrician and sometimes a GI doctor.

What do you guys do for medical appointments?

I suggested that we trade off doing the routine ones...e.g. every six months she goes to the allergist- I do it once, next time it's dad.

She's a regular at emergency for moderate - severe allergic reactions (contrary to popular belief- severe allergy kids have, on avg., about 1-2 severe reactions a year). We both usually end up attending although it's weird and awkward.

He's insisting that he be allowed to go to each appointment.

I think my way is better.

StillPaying 05-23-2019 10:16 AM

I'm with dad. Medical appointments are more serious and should be attended by both parents. If it's dentist or some other simple appointment, then no need for everyone to attend.

cashcow4ex 05-23-2019 10:18 AM

In my case, I took the kids to all the regular dentist apt's the Ex took care of the regular doctors apt's and we split the ortho apts 1/1. I of course would attend if the doctors apt was important or under an emergency.


Worked fine for us.

iona6656 05-23-2019 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying (Post 235779)
I'm with dad. Medical appointments are more serious and should be attended by both parents. If it's dentist or some other simple appointment, then no need for everyone to attend.

that's exactly what i said- routine appointments. the allergist is the regular skin prick test every six months. the dermatologist is routine every six months. pediatrician is every 1/2 year. same with dentist, etc etc...not all medical appointments are serious.


why in the world would we both need to be at these appointments?

like i said- serious ones- emergency and OIT- I've already agreed we can/should both attend.

rockscan 05-23-2019 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 235788)
that's exactly what i said- routine appointments. the allergist is the regular skin prick test every six months. the dermatologist is routine every six months. pediatrician is every 1/2 year. same with dentist, etc etc...not all medical appointments are serious.





why in the world would we both need to be at these appointments?



like i said- serious ones- emergency and OIT- I've already agreed we can/should both attend.



He’s flexing. Doubtful he will show.Tell him ok. If he shows, bring a book. If he doesn’t, great!

Janus 05-23-2019 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 235775)
He's insisting that he be allowed to go to each appointment.

If he has joint custody? Well, why not?

If you have sole custody? He does not get to insist on anything :). You can tell him that you'll let him know if anything important comes up. Or not, you can also just ignore him.

Quote:

I think my way is better.
Well, cutting a parent out could hardly be described as "better".

Quote:

We both usually end up attending although it's weird and awkward.
Weird and awkward for you or for the kid? One matters, the other does not. Try not to conflate the two. Kid probably appreciates having both parents there, especially if you pretend to try and get along.

iona6656 05-23-2019 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 235794)
If he has joint custody? Well, why not?


If you have sole custody? He does not get to insist on anything :). You can tell him that you'll let him know if anything important comes up. Or not, you can also just ignore him.

Even if he has joint custody- why? Why do both of us need to be there?
These are routine appointments. If there's somethign special a parent wants to ask the specialist- then we can call and make an appointment on our own.

Dentist- what's so pressing that we both need to attend? does she still have all her teeth? great. does she need braces? yes? send it in an OFW message.

She's not brushing her teeth enough? send it in an OFW message

Quote:

Well, cutting a parent out could hardly be described as "better".
There's no cutting anyone out.
We'd both be attending the same amount of appointments each year- 1 for every specialist. Everything is equal! Everyone is involved! Everyone wins!

Quote:

Weird and awkward for you or for the kid? One matters, the other does not. Try not to conflate the two. Kid probably appreciates having both parents there, especially if you pretend to try and get along.
Me. Kid is fine. It doesn't matter to me- it's emergency- he can be there. I can be there.

He just does stupid stuff like ask her "Oh- what did mom feed you today? did it hurt your tummy?" Passive aggressive shit like that.

Janus 05-23-2019 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 235798)
Even if he has joint custody- why?

Why not?

Quote:

Why do both of us need to be there?
There is no reason that both of you have to be there. But, he wants to be there, so let him be there. I invite my ex to every single medical/dental appointment that I make (and I make roughly 100% of those appointments). She showed up to a bunch at the beginning, (all of them for the first year) but then realized that it was pointless.

Showing up is just a power play. If you invite him, then what's the point of making the play?

Hopefully you are not telling him in writing that you don't want him there. That could look yucky if you ever end up at a trial.


Quote:

There's no cutting anyone out.
We'd both be attending the same amount of appointments each year- 1 for every specialist. Everything is equal! Everyone is involved! Everyone wins!
For what it's worth, I agree with you.

But, if he wants to go to every appointment, then let him. Stop going to the appointment's on his time, and greet him happily when he shows up to yours.

If you want to be passive aggressive, schedule them at inconvenient times for him. The greater the effort required on his part the sooner he will abandon his appointment attendance crusade.


Quote:

Me. Kid is fine.
That kinda answers the question then, donnit?

iona6656 05-23-2019 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 235801)
Hopefully you are not telling him in writing that you don't want him there. That could look yucky if you ever end up at a trial.

You know- it's funny you say this- because we talked about this in co-parent counselling. And our therapists suggested this: I'll go to the first derm appointment, and we'll alternate thereafter.

And yesterday- we had this exchange on OFW:

Him:
Can you confirm I will be making and taking D2 to her next dermatologist appointment?

Is it Dr. X at "Pediatric Practice"?



Me:
Hi,

Per our last session with Co-Parent Counsellor- she suggested I do the first appointment with Dr. X. We can alternate regular appointments after. D2 checks in with dermatologist roughly once every six months. Same with the allergist.

Thanks


Him:
ok. to confirm you have asked me not to attend the first appointment correct?

We can figure out further appointments as we move along, corrrect?


Me:
https://media2.giphy.com/media/l14qx...&rid=giphy.gif

I didn't say don't attend. I said we should do what co-parent therapist said to do.

I haven't responded yet.

rockscan 05-23-2019 12:28 PM

I wouldnt respond. You set it out clearly. Hes putting words in your mouth and trying to get you to say what he wants.

If you wanted to respond I would say “Again, as discussed in our co-parenting counseling, the suggestion was for me to attend the first appointment and alternate thereafter. Do you disagree with the approach discussed in the co-parent counseling? Do you need the therapist to clarify the reasoning behind it?”


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