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-   -   do your kids rather not see you because you make them do homework? (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22366)

tunnelight 02-23-2019 11:48 PM

do your kids rather not see you because you make them do homework?
 
after a multi year battle, I was awarded joint custody and 50.50 access . Not to demean mom but child has always struggled in school under her primary care. I'm really ramping the child up with school work, test studies and been able to help her get several As and Bs on tests she studied for with me. Before this time,when I didn't have 50.50, they were all fails, Ds and on rare occasions Cs.

Some subjects, like math, child is completely lost. Child has IEP as well. I'm basically pushing her to learn it. when she finally understands it, she solves the questions quickly. issue is, it causes a lot of friction and frustration. my concern is, it lowers quality of our time with one another and to be honest, no child really likes homework. so when child knows its daddy's time, it's time to do homework...ugh.... and she knows I don't slack off with homework. When there is homework or a test... it's time to do homework and study. period.

mom of course, not to demean, usually doesn't do the work , will maybe get child to do a bit just to "show" effort and it leaves me with the bigger burden.

question is, do tour children ever hate you or prefer not to visit you because you make them do homework and study? particularly in cases when the parent is the disney parent? and I ask this as a parent who was alternate weekend disney dad that wanted to be the involved not so much fun parent...

I really don't want my child to "choose" other parent because she is the YouTube and video games all day parent..

rockscan 02-24-2019 11:41 AM

Kids need to learn hard work is what leads to success. Im sure there are plenty of books on how to help your child or you could try tutoring which makes the tutor the bad guy.

Making a big deal about their success might help too. As they grow they will realize that working hard isnt such a bad thing. Perhaps taking them out for a reward when they succeed?

Just keep enforcing your time. Your ex does not get to change the schedule.

Tayken 02-24-2019 08:56 PM

It depends on age.

<14 they don't get a say.

>14 then you have a problem as they will start to play the game of pitting parents against each other.

Ultimately, the lack of homework will demonstrate on their report cards. Teacher feedback will show up outlining how the failure to do homework has impacted the children's report card.

Playing with a child's education in this manner will reflect poorly on the parent and if it becomes a significant issue there is evidence that will generate. You should maintain the importance of completing homework over video games and YouTube.

Access schedules should be followed no matter what age. Even if a child protests.

iona6656 02-25-2019 12:25 PM

1. Even though you keep repeating that you don't mean to "demean" mom- that's what you're doing. To us at least.

2. Honestly- it's sounds like you're trying to overcompensate for what you think are mom's shitty parenting skills. Mainly that she doesn't take enough of an interest in your daughter's education and ensure she's helping.

You're probably right. You're doing your part....but maybe ease up on your kid a bit. I don't mean stop doing what you're doing- it sounds like you're doing the right things. BUT like Rocksan said- take her out as a reward. Or straight up bribe her.

I'm far from this with my daughter- but I intend to fully bribe her to do well in school. It worked for me. My parents did not have a lot of money- but when I was in highschool- A's on a report card meant $20. Everything else was $0. This was in addition to the allowance I got for completing regular chores. My parents told me that they knew I could get A's if I tried and worked hard. And that the money was a reward- just like in life- you work your ass off, you generally get rewarded. When I got to OAC- they told me that if I graduated with an over 95% avg and stayed local for university they would get me a car. I sure as shit worked my ass off for that and achieved it. But I didn't get the car cause I opted to go away.

Not the same thing- but my daughter comes home from the days at her dad with SO. MUCH. ATTITUDE....if she doesn't get to do what she wants it's a full out tantrum. Probably because she's with her cousins all day (ex's sister's kids) who basically do whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want (is that judgment you hear? yes.)...But it could also be that that's just how it is with kids transitioning between homes. One home is always going to be the stricter home (sounds like you're 'bad cop').

A friend of mine has bonus babies that are her husbands daughters from a previous marriage (11 and 9)- she says she always gives them a day to let them "reset"- to remember they're at dad's home now. This usually means gently reminding them to pick up after themselves (mom's house has a maid)- to say 'please and thank you'....I think the same thing could apply at your place. Give her some transition time- and don't feel like you have to make up for mom's shortcomings when it comes to helping with her education.

HammerDad 02-26-2019 02:10 PM

I understand the issue with homework. Hard work will pay off and the child will be better for it. But make sure their hard work is rewarded, even if it is something small.


I make sure my kid studies as well. She is smart, but there are subjects we both know she struggles in. But when I do make her work, I ensure there is something fun to do when she is done.


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