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-   -   stressful messages / acts from ex.. (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22350)

tunnelight 02-18-2019 11:03 PM

stressful messages / acts from ex..
 
this is a particularly annoying thing. messages always have an accusatory or insulting twist embedded in their tone. I'm sure most of you get theses from your exes.

ignoring works but I still tend to get stressed put when I read them and these days soon as I know there is one in my inbox.

there is of course the little things other parent does as well but that is a totally different story. same feedback I'm looking for.

what do you all do so you're not pissed off or upset by your exes irritating actions?

Mom 2 Two 02-19-2019 07:01 AM

My therapist keeps saying that I need to focus my energy on the things I can control and not the ones I canít. My kids come home and dump any and all things that dad or dads gf did or said to them all weekend. I try to change the subject... or ask about well what fun/good things did you do...
itís so hard as the kids feel they need to vent I guess. All I say is things that try to validate their feelings.

Then of course the emails... I have to be in the right frame of mind to open them. As they are always accusatory. I have a separate email account. That helps. It used to just pop up in my regular email and then a panic attack would come on at any given time. At least this way I can prepare for it.


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Selfrepmom 02-20-2019 07:16 PM

-Punching Bags
-Voodoo Dolls
-Screaming into pillows


Just Kidding....

In all seriousness discovering this forum has actually really helped me not only put things in perspective (realizing that a lot of people have it worse than I do), but it has also taught me to leave behind my emotions and treat this as a business. Every time I get a text/email, I pretend that it is a really annoying client that I have to still be polite with for the overall success of the business

arabian 02-21-2019 12:54 AM

I was divorced in 2010. My son and and I were stalked by ex's g/f. I moved across the country. I have received emails for years from ex's g/f (pretending to be ex) since 2009. There is really not much you can do about it if you have a child with that person or for other reasons.

Time makes things better. I know you have probably heard that saying often. I would recommend that you set up another email account and have your regular family and friends use the new one. In a while the only messages you will receive in the old account will be from your ex. You can then decide what you want to do. Yes it takes a long time to set this up and in the meantime it is very annoying. In the long term it is well worth it. Anything aside from child=centered information is awful. Many on the forum over the years have purchased Our Family Wizard to use as communication. Actually I believe in some cases it has been ordered by the court. You can search on this forum for information on the program.

Hope you are free from harassment some day. I don't want to jinx myself but I have been free of harassment for at least 4 months now!

tunnelight 02-21-2019 03:24 PM

that's all good stuff. we are using our family wizard so I decide when to login into the fire pit. the most annoying is there will be a message about something but then within that same message an accusation of something completely off topic is embedded.

I completely understand Arabian.. my ex and her pot stirring sister are making fake instagram and facebook accounts and trying to add me... I've started screenshotting them and blocking them.. any way to make it so nobody can send you fried requests ?

people are messed up

rockscan 02-21-2019 03:29 PM

Its all normal bullshit. You just have to shake your head. When I first started dating my man he didnít tell me or show me anything but would jump when the phone rang, jump when his email dinged or get really sad when he read his email. After I witnessed her pull a stunt he started letting me help him work through it. Her messages are always full of some guilt worthy bs about how the kids matter or how he is a parent blah blah blah. Meanwhile she has alienated them completely.

Best advice? Talk to a therapist. Second best advice? Consider the source and be happy you are no longer married to them. You control the crazy you let in. Or as I like to sayóyou canít control other people but you can control your reaction.

You can do this!

Mom 2 Two 02-21-2019 04:13 PM

I've started screenshotting them and blocking them.. any way to make it so nobody can send you fried requests ?



people are messed up[/QUOTE]


Yes!! Lock that Facebook account down. You can turn off all friend requests. Or set it to any friends of friends. Hope that helps.



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