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Frustrated21 05-19-2021 07:51 AM

Mediation - Preparing for mediation
 
All,

I have some questions on preparing for mediation, as in what do I need to do to be ready.

The separation date is Jan 1, 2020, although we were living in the same house until May 1 2020. My paycheques were deposited to our joint bank account until Sept 2020. From Sept 2020, my pay is deposited to a sole account. I was ordered to pay spousal and child support starting Feb 2021 and I have been paying. Title to the house is in ex's name. Ex lives in the house with 3 kids, all of whom are above the age of majority and are in school. No assets have been split yet.

We have mediation in two weeks, and I don't know what to expect or how to prepare for it. What should I do to get ready?

My counsel is not that communicative and hasn't answered that question, other than to say they will be preparing a brief. Plus my counsel tends to approach things from a bigger picture perspective while opposing counsel tends to be detail oriented, combing through the joint bank statements item by item and bringing many items into affadavits that were expenditures for the family or to pay taxes and stating these were my expenditures only and should be attributed to me. I am concerned that my ex's counsel will have spent a lot of time on the details and will use this in mediation and I don't have a response to the mediator bc I haven't done the legwork. I can do the legwork, just need guidance on what I should be doing.

This is completely new to me, any advice appreciated.

Stillbreathing 05-19-2021 09:09 AM

Both sides prepare briefs on their positions and financial statements. My experience was that initially we all came together with the mediator in the boardroom and he spoke to us about the purpose and rules of arbitration and his role. Then we are ushered into separate rooms and the mediator moves between rooms and discusses the issues with us separately to see if we can come to an agreement.

You are supposed to go to mediation with a mindset that you are willing to
Compromise on your position in order to come to an agreement. Not necessarily a mutually beneficial agreement, but an agreement to get the process over with and behind you so that you can move on with your life. Both parties need to be willing to lower their expectations and “put water in their wine”, so to speak in order to come up with an agreement.

Good luck

rockscan 05-19-2021 11:19 AM

What sb said.

Also, you should look at your entire picture and what you expect/are obligated to pay. Your ex is going through everything to increase what they think they are entitled to. As in, you are solely responsible for xyz debt so that amount cant come off the asset list.

Dont waste time on minute things or trying to find details. That will just waste time. Consider best case scenario (everything you want), worst case scenario (everything ex wants) and what you can live with. That way you can reach a compromise in mediation.

You should also ask yourself thisam I willing to spend tens of thousands to fight for this or can I live with giving it up. This tends to trip people up. They dont want to budge on $10,000 but it will cost them $20,000 to fight for it losing ten in the end.

Dont depend entirely on your lawyer either. They make more money if mediation fails. With your kids old enough to make decisions, its just financial matters. Knowing what your ex is entitled to going forward will help you determine an adequate compromise.

Oh and leave emotion out of it. Dont get caught up in making them pay because of something irrelevant. What is the bottom line and what are you able to live with.


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