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-   -   Is 50 / 50 joint physical custody preferred by courts? (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22781)

YYC_SingleDad 10-15-2019 12:24 PM

Is 50 / 50 joint physical custody preferred by courts?
 
My divorce has been going on for about two years now and wehave just agreed to an interim parenting order that will be reviewed in Spring2020. My situation is that my ex left the children who are now 9 and 6 and I inJanuary 2018 and moved into a condo that did not allow children and saw thechildren once a week on the weekends. She stayed there for a year and thenmoved back to our neighbourhood into a two bedroom condo with her boyfriend andasked for shared parenting which I did not agree with. I agreed to graduallyincreasing her visitation and agreed to the children having one overnight onSundays and also visitation on Wednesdays and Friday evenings. That went on fora couple of months and then we went to court and the parenting time got revisedand now the children are with her every other weekend and she gets to see themon a Thursday on her off weekend. Her lawyer was trying to go to a one week onone week off schedule and wanted me to pay her child support as she iscurrently paying child support me.

We will have a review hearing in Spring 2020 and she is hoping to get 50 / 50shared custody and for me to start paying her child support. The children havebeen doing well with me as I have always been the primary care giver andcontinued to do so when she left. I have read that the courts normally do notwant to disrupt the childrens schedule especially if the children are doingwell and I would like to keep the schedule we have now.

Do you guys feel that the court will decide that the children should move to aone week on one week off schedule if the children have been living primarilywith me? I am very confused as my lawyer seems to think that is the way thecourt will decide but all the readings I have done seem to favor the statusquo.

Thanks
YYC_SingleDad


iona6656 10-15-2019 12:59 PM

Do the kids have any special need that only YOU can take care of? Was she involved in their care before?

I tried to play the "disruption to the schedule card"- and our parenting coach told me (deadpan)- "kids adapt"....so that is not really a great excuse.

why can't you guys do 50/50? What is the reason?

Does she have some deficiency she can't fix? mental illness? history of substance use? history of violence?

You see where I'm going here, right?

YYC_SingleDad 10-15-2019 01:22 PM

Thank you for the response and your insights.

The kids do not have any special need that only I canprovide. They do attend a second language school on the weekend have been forthe past years. Their mother does not speak the language to help them withtheir homework but I dont know if that would hold up.

I have been the primary caregiver and scheduled all thechildrens appointments and took them to their appalments and extra curricular activities.She was not much involved in the care of the children during the marriage orafter. I dont know if her motivation to go 50 / 50 is to end her child supportand to have me start paying her.

I do see where you are going with your post.

rockscan 10-15-2019 02:11 PM

Other than having to pay her child support, what is the issue? The kids get to see both parents on an equal basis.

Is she abusive? Does she forget to do something with them? Are they suffering under her care?

Berner_Faith 10-15-2019 02:27 PM

I think the biggest thing you have on your side is status quo... what change in circumstances have occurred to warrant a change in access? That should be the biggest question.

Another question to ask yourself is what is the maximum time you feel would be suitable with their mother? What is something that is middle ground? If not 50-50, what about 60-40? Are you worried about school work?

While courts are learning towards 50-50, status quo still has weight.


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YYC_SingleDad 10-15-2019 03:05 PM

Thank you all for the reply and giving me many differentways to look at this.

I do want the children to see their mother and they do sonow and are happy with this routine. My issue is that she basically abandoned thechildren and consciously choose to live in a one bedroom apartment with herboyfriend when she first moved out. I was left taking care of the children andreceived only minimum child support from her as she asked to be laid off fromher job and the child support was based on her unemployment income. I have putin an application to have that recalculated.

She knows that if there is 50 / 50 physical custody then Iwould be the one paying her child support. I feel that its unfair if I was theprimary caregiver and the children live with me and have been doing well that Iwill need to pay her child support if there is 50 / 50. I know that is the lawand will have to deal with it if it does come down to it. I would be happy with a 60 / 40 . Would that schedule still be considered shared parenting?

Berner_Faith 10-15-2019 03:08 PM

Is 50 / 50 joint physical custody preferred by courts?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by YYC_SingleDad (Post 238818)
Thank you all for the reply and giving me many differentways to look at this.

I do want the children to see their mother and they do sonow and are happy with this routine. My issue is that she basically abandoned thechildren and consciously choose to live in a one bedroom apartment with herboyfriend when she first moved out. I was left taking care of the children andreceived only minimum child support from her as she asked to be laid off fromher job and the child support was based on her unemployment income. I have putin an application to have that recalculated.

She knows that if there is 50 / 50 physical custody then Iwould be the one paying her child support. I feel that its unfair if I was theprimary caregiver and the children live with me and have been doing well that Iwill need to pay her child support if there is 50 / 50. I know that is the lawand will have to deal with it if it does come down to it. I would be happy with a 60 / 40 . Would that schedule still be considered shared parenting?



Great that youre happy with 60/40 because thats shared parenting, the same as 50/50 is and youd still owe her CS... so the question now is... if youre okay with 60/40, why not 50/50? The difference is a couple days a month...

I have a feeling this is about child support for both of you


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rockscan 10-15-2019 03:26 PM

So basically you dont want to pay child support. Great reason. Good luck with that.

YYC_SingleDad 10-15-2019 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berner_Faith (Post 238819)
Great that youre happy with 60/40 because thats shared parenting, the same as 50/50 is and youd still owe her CS... so the question now is... if youre okay with 60/40, why not 50/50? The difference is a couple days a month...

I have a feeling this is about child support for both of you




Yes that is the root of the issue. I feel like I have taken care of the kids for so long and that she left them and now wants them to avoid paying child support. I don't want to pay child support but I know I will have to if 50/50 is granted. Are you saying that if it is a 60 / 40 physical custody that I would have to pay her CS?



I want to keep status quo with every other weekend and have her have some additional time during the week. Maybe that is a pipe dream but wanted to get other's thoughts which have been very helpful.

Berner_Faith 10-15-2019 03:31 PM

The cut off for shared custody is 40%... so if she gets 40% yes youll be paying CS... this isnt a good argument to make. If this is the only reason you dont support shared parenting you most likely will lose. So mind as well save court fees, lawyers fees and just work out a suitable schedule


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