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SadDad2010 12-22-2010 03:09 PM

Are there any benefits to being a NCP?
I guess I'm feeling down about not having my kids living with me right now (they are teens)...I've been separated for 9 months and am still working out the division of assets. I've tried discussing shared custody with my EX as I would like to have it written in the separation agreement that once I have a house, we will share custody...she proposed full custody with a wait and see Wait til you get a house then we'll see. Of course, it's a catch 22, since I can't get a house until I have a separation agreement. and I can't get shared custody until I get a house.
So...I'm asking this question sort of tongue in cheek "Are there any benefits to being a NCP?" Now you may say freedom but my EX also has freedom as my kids are old enough to be left alone so she is out quite often with her new bf. I certainly don't benefit financially as I pay full CS for three children and I'm living in a small apartment. Since they are teens, they are not jumping for joy when I propose taking them out for dinner or a movie...I guess I just miss having them any benefits :)

lumpy 12-22-2010 03:26 PM

You can get in the bathroom without a 3 hour wait....

I hope that it works out for you very soon and you get to spend lots of time with them over the holidays.


SadDad2010 12-22-2010 03:34 PM

Thanks Lumpy...I forgot about that! :)

today 12-22-2010 04:03 PM

just curious, why do you feel you have to accept being an ncp, simply because she says so...

SadDad2010 12-22-2010 04:44 PM

I'm not accepting being a NCP but in my present circumstances, have no other choice. My EX's argument is that once I get a house, the kids will 'need' time to adjust because it will be very stressful for them to go one week on one week off. This of course is laughable because (1) they are teenagers and (2) she was not concerned with them at all when she decided that our marriage was over...refused to go to counciling, refused to go to mediation, and then brought a new man into their lives 2 months after we adjustment needed there at all.
My lawyer has recommended I don't fight for shared custody, as it would cost a lot, and once it was resolved, the kids wouldn't be children anymore anyway
Now I have talked to the kids about it, and the boys said they would move in with me full time if I bought a house in the country with ATV's and snowmobiles :) no serious discussion possible there.
My Ex has it all worked out...she proposes that i buy a house within walking distance of hers and the kids can decide later.
Win win for her because she gets full CS and gets to send the kids to my place whenever she wants her own time. I told her I would rather have shared custody first before I agreed to live so close.
I'm caught between a rock and a hard I buy a house close and hope my kids want to share residences or do I accept being a NCP and maybe buy a nicer more affordable house 5-10km away.

dinkyface 12-22-2010 04:53 PM

Since they are teens, I'd think it is likely that they would want to hang around more their established home, and their preferences WILL matter - you cannot force otherwise. So even when you get a house, you may have a hard time in getting anywhere near 50-50 time with them. Then again, I don't know your family dynamic, so my assumption could be completely off base. But if you do have < 40% time, this will mean you pay fill CS (unless you can some to some other agreement with your ex).

A completely separate issue is whether you have joint custody i.e. you both have the same level of responsibility (read 'control') regarding decisions about their education/health/religion (big stuff). Is this something that is important to you? If you generally trust your ex's judgement, and you can communicate well, then perhaps it is not a big issue. But a warning, if she has sole custody, I'd recommend having a 'mobility' clause in your agreement indicating whether she may move to another city (or further).

<ah - I see more info has come while I was typing...>

SadDad2010 12-22-2010 04:57 PM

...that's it exactly, the kids have lived in the house their whole lives and I would never force them to share if they didn't want to.
We have agreed on joint custody so no problem there.
I guess I should accept being NCP and hope for the best.

dinkyface 12-22-2010 05:01 PM

If you have Joint Custody then you are both CP's.

I'm thinking even the country house might not be such a big draw - they will have friends they want to be around, so the country house becomes just a weekend thing at most - especially if it is a long way from school.

SadDad2010 12-22-2010 05:11 PM

I thought that joint vs sole custody only applied to who makes decisions regarding the children lives. ...and shared custody deals with splitting residences...unless you are right and I have joint custody with shared at 5-95 :)
I know that by law I have joint custody as we have no separation agreement.

Oh yes...i made that exact argument with the boys regarding the country house...I told them the novelty would quickly die off for them and poor Dad would be stuck out in the middle of nowhere :)

Rioe 12-22-2010 07:22 PM

Rent a house close by.
Get the legal separation agreement to have the kids live with you half the time.
Buy a house wherever you really want to live and move there. Keep it in the same school zone though.

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