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-   -   Guilt feelings and can't imagine a day without seeing the kids (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19115)

abuseddad 06-20-2015 06:39 AM

Guilt feelings and can't imagine a day without seeing the kids
 
Hi,
Feelings of guilt that my kids will suffer from divorce have been lately taken the good part of me. I have tried to convince the other party to go to counseling. I have admired my flaws and started working on them but no use.

Now the notion of having to see the kids only one part of the week is killing me.
Any suggestions? I am sure some of the members experienced those feelings?
Thanks

Janibel 06-20-2015 10:45 AM

Even intact (no divorce) parents will suffer from feelings of guilt from time to time - it comes with the job lol. The trick is not to let it influence your better parenting decisions. Nowadays more than half of us will end up divorced.

If you genuinely feel that life is good regardless of the ups and downs, your children will not be traumatized in any way - in fact they will learn to pick themselves up and soldier on when life throws them a curve ball. It will make them stronger more resilient adults.

It's tough seeing them only part-time, make the best of what time you do spend with them. Make new, happy memories for your family regardless of the divorce. Others have muddled through - so will you.

LovingFather32 06-20-2015 10:55 AM

It's the toughest thing I've ever had to go through. I dreamt of the awesomeness of having kids. It was like a fairy tale to me. I've always strived to be the best father. I taught D4 how to walk and read. I never thought I'd be a part time dad. It terrorizes the human mind. Nobody should have the ability to rip your child away from a loving parent without good reason.

But it happens. Just follow Janibel's advice above. Be resilient. Laugh in the face of stress. Find an outlet (the gym for me .. or magic).

Your kids will follow suit. Remember, they're learning how to deal with this by watching you.

yellman 06-21-2015 10:25 AM

This was one of the biggest issues I had in my divorce. Being separated from my children, having them impacted by the divorce. I am fortunate enough that I see my kids every day but two in a month. I pick them up from school and spend time with them afterwords. On my ex weeks I drive them to her house.

Just like a death of someone close to you. The wound never heals but becomes liveable over time. Some days are easier then others. My ex is a horrible mother and a awful person. My kids suffer with her but not enough that I can legally get custody.

I hate paying her anything. I hate being without my kids.

Over the years i have learned that kids are very resilient. Stuff that drives u crAzy will not impact them as much. They are more focused on their lives, not yours.

Franklin 06-22-2015 07:04 AM

Quote from Yellman. Over the years i have learned that kids are very resilient. Stuff that drives u crAzy will not impact them as much. They are more focused on their lives, not yours.]

Well said.


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