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rockscan 05-15-2017 07:50 AM

Here we are
 
Well my partner is in it. Served this weekend right in front of a few buddies while building a project. You can imagine what his stress levels are like and all his PTSD issues have come screaming back.

The highlights:
Ex is requested a recalculating of support back three years and does not include income changes or kid living away for school.
Ex is claiming school expenses that are not calculated properly.
Ex is claiming therapy with no back up or medical info.
Ex wants all our banking info, proof of money spent on vacations and home renovation, joint assets and loans.
Ex wants all info on my partners job search efforts when he was out of work.

Her affidavit makes horrible statements that the kids have been suffering from serious medical issues, that my partner has created them by not agreeing to pay for section 7 stuff and that he has cut off access.

She wants $20,000, the freedom for the kids to take as long as possible to finish school and free reign the register in section 7 stuff that he has to pay for regardless of agreement.

My partner is terrified to go to court. Cannot believe her claims and is livid she dragged the kids through this. Hes waiting on an appt with his lawyer here and has to find representation in that jurisdiction.

He keeps saying "what are my chances they believe her?" At one point he told me to leave him as I dont deserve this. Trying to get through to him how much I love him seems to be the biggest challenge. As his mom said yesterday "he goes in his hole and its hard to get him out".

:( Any advice is welcome!

arabian 05-15-2017 08:26 AM

This is certainly not a surprise. As the ex loses more and more control over her children (they are getting older and need her less) as she faces an empty nest. If she feels so strongly about the issues she could have raised them in court before.

Your ex has to keep his wits about himself. This isn't going to be over anytime soon.

If your partner is terrified to go to court then take him by the hand and go to the courthouse and sit through some family court hearings with him?

He has the documentation/proof to defend himself nicely. (If he didn't have that then I could understand his being scared).

I hope he retains a good lawyer who practices only family law (not a jack-of-all-trades lawyer). Keep track of all the instances of unreasonableness of the ex to amass a good position for costs, right from the get-go.

Tell your ex to snap out of it and put this whole thing into proper perspective - this is not a criminal matter. His situation is certainly not unique - happens all the time.

rockscan 05-15-2017 09:03 AM

Ive told him all those things. He is managing but the stress does get to him. This whole thing is completely because he was paid out and equalization she didnt agree with. Now she wants it back.

His lawyer here is REALLY good. His original lawyer there is a barracuda but hes scared they wont be available.

I keep reminding him that court was an inevitability and he needs this to set boundaries. Her claims in her affidavit are inflammatory and hurtful as they dont acknowledge what she has failed to do.

Im hopeful the judge sees that she has refused to update cs even though he has asked repeatedly, refuses to follow the law, and has created most of this damage she claims for the kids through her behaviour over the years.

arabian 05-15-2017 10:08 AM

Hopefully it will all come out in the wash.

You should encourage your ex to immediately seek some long-term counselling. This is going to drag on for a time. He will be seeking 3rd party acknowledgement of his problems and emotions.

LovingFather32 05-15-2017 10:13 AM

Rock,

His ex is going to be seen as high conflict .. simple as that. I hope she knows what she's doing claiming that the children are suffering serious medical issues due to financial stuff. I'll tell you right now that judges won't appreciate her using the kids to scheme.

Tayken 05-15-2017 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Ex is requested a recalculating of support back three years and does not include income changes or kid living away for school.

Provide the last three years NOAs. That is all you need to provide.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Ex is claiming school expenses that are not calculated properly.

Receipts, receipts, receipts... (chanted in the style of Steve Balmer.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Ex is claiming therapy with no back up or medical info.

Send a Form 20 requesting medical records. Funny thing is that alternative therapy is not "medical treatment". At most you may be dealing with a psychologist/psychiatrist but, the question back is why that was not done through referral and billed on OHIP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Ex wants all our banking info, proof of money spent on vacations and home renovation, joint assets and loans.

Wanting and getting are two different things. You have no obligation to give up any financial info. The court just needs accounts he is named on and consider you are both divorced I doubt you were stupid enough to open "joint" accounts. (Which are a stupid idea considering you can transfer money for free online between accounts of the same institution. eBanking has virtually rendered "joint accounts" complete and utterly USELESS.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Ex wants all info on my partners job search efforts when he was out of work.

Provide it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
Her affidavit makes horrible statements that the kids have been suffering from serious medical issues, that my partner has created them by not agreeing to pay for section 7 stuff and that he has cut off access.

Serious medical issues are covered by the government of Canada. You can't double dip. Sorry to say but, S7 expenses without consent don't get paid. Furthermore, alternative medicine not aligned under the Health Act is "for fun" stuff that are not special nor extraordinary. A good lawyer can argue that alternative therapy is NOT necessary as it is not part of the regulated health practices.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220673)
She wants $20,000, the freedom for the kids to take as long as possible to finish school and free reign the register in section 7 stuff that he has to pay for regardless of agreement.

Again, you can want all sorts of things. I want baby goats, wearing sweaters, riding poptarts in space. But, all I get is this damn picture...

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...n0tSx_rszIGCjw

Good Luck!
Tayken

Tayken 05-15-2017 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220676)
Ive told him all those things. He is managing but the stress does get to him. This whole thing is completely because he was paid out and equalization she didnt agree with. Now she wants it back.

His lawyer here is REALLY good. His original lawyer there is a barracuda but hes scared they wont be available.

I keep reminding him that court was an inevitability and he needs this to set boundaries. Her claims in her affidavit are inflammatory and hurtful as they dont acknowledge what she has failed to do.

Im hopeful the judge sees that she has refused to update cs even though he has asked repeatedly, refuses to follow the law, and has created most of this damage she claims for the kids through her behaviour over the years.

Note: Have the matter moved to your jurisdiction if it is only to deal with support. Generally, it happens where the support payer resides for "support only" matters.

Tayken 05-15-2017 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingFather32 (Post 220683)
His ex is going to be seen as high conflict .. simple as that. I hope she knows what she's doing claiming that the children are suffering serious medical issues due to financial stuff. I'll tell you right now that judges won't appreciate her using the kids to scheme.

Nor will they accept it. If people have major medical conditions we have a system of government funded health care. Which judges are well informed on.

I would accept the argument if say... you lived in a country where preexisting conditions were just removed from your insurance plan by an orange painted idiot.

rockscan 05-15-2017 01:30 PM

Tayken, Im intrigued and not just by your goat idea.

He could get it moved here for support issues? Even if the kids live there? If he can, then his lawyer could rep him!!!

I'll add the form 20 to the list of questions.

Hes requesting transcripts and income information for kid. Hes also planning to question why kid went away to school incurring so many costs the ex cant afford when she has such serious health issues requiring her to take so much time off resulting in additional years of school. Methinks this is a suck and blow!

As for the therapy. He heard nothing. He sent several emails asking how kid was doing since she refuses to speak to him and ex would simply say her health is fine. Suddenly he gets a bill for claims her benefits wont cover.

The whole thing is laughable if we weren't so stressed because the claims she makes are contradictory. Oh my kids are so sick but I dont want to tell their father anything. Oh my kids are so sick they need six years to get a three degree but lets send them off to school four hours from home and let them sit on a bus every other weekend to come back.

We have no joint accounts. And everything we have done she wants proof of is from my bank account. Im not obligated to tell her how much I paid to go away to alleviate his emotional stress from her refusal to let him see his kids at christmas.

I have to give her credit though for thinking a judge is going to allow her to make financial decisions for him again. You got divorced for a reason sweetheart. Whats his is not yours anymore.

Tayken 05-15-2017 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 220708)
Tayken, Im intrigued and not just by your goat idea.

What motion form was served? This matters as it governs what can be argued.

rockscan 05-15-2017 02:21 PM

Here we are
 
15 motion to change

And its only support and section 7

rockscan 05-24-2017 10:43 AM

To update...cant move jurisdictions as she "fired first". My partner is trying to decide between paying his lawyers half rate for travel time or go with a lawyer in that jurisdiction. There are pros and cons to both. The only con seems to be the travel costs. His lawyer here lets me help organize materials and do the leg work his assistants would do to save money, lawyer there may not. Partner is also comfortable with his lawyer here and based on what he said at the appointment I feel pretty confident this will be straight forward from our side, just depends on the reasonable behaviour by the ex.

Ive got a list of requests for the form 20 to back up her claims. I know the onus is on her to prove it all but I firmly believe his lawyer should be adequately armed. The harder part is the kids being pissed at what hes asking for (records, financial info, school info etc). I told him if shes going to use the kids then this was bound to happen.

Now its just a matter of helping him cope emotionally. Today was bittersweet as he was given his best performance review in his career. The big whigs were there and told him they are so impressed with his work and he scored higher than anyone in the company. It comes with a pay raise too which he now has to get documentation on and advise her accordingly.

I dont know how you self reps do this. We're not sleeping, fighting over everything, hes so jumpy I have to be careful not to surprise him and we both have been having panic attacks. Mine is more because I feel so helpless in providing support and protection.

rockscan 02-14-2018 01:42 PM

I need to vent again...

Bill from the lawyer brings this up to $4200 spent yet no movement. Havent had a cc yet. Ex is now sitting on things as she has other things to worry about. Meanwhile my partner is continuing to look like a deadbeat. He gets another message from kid asking how hes finding information out. Like hes not allowed to know! I cannot believe this ridiculous system where these exs get away with this bs. They turn the kids against their parent, make astronomical requests for money they arent entitled to (and against the law and agreement they signed) and then hold you hostage because they have other priorities. Such bullshit. Meanwhile there is jurisprudence about stopping cs or not paying expenses for kids who turn their back on a parent for no reason but it would be too expensive to argue it. Where is the justice in this stuff? Why arent these parents being reprimanded?

I can only hope that once they do get to the cc the judge lays it out cold for the ex that everything she is asking for is not legal and gets her to settle.

denbigh 08-20-2018 08:25 PM

so whatever happened in the end?

rockscan 08-20-2018 09:26 PM

Still waiting on a date for the conference. The ex (who started this) is dragging her heels. Kids still think dad is a deadbeat. The good news is that FRO finally read the order and dropped one kid off cs as they aged out according to the order! Still paying for the other kid who isnt in school or working.

Cross your fingers he gets a court date soon! Trial coordinators office wont return calls.

kate331 08-21-2018 09:41 AM

How old is the child that is not working or in school that you are still paying child support for? Do you know if she has plans for school this September?

rockscan 08-21-2018 10:38 AM

18 and she has no plans for school until next year. Same thing happened for the first kid which extended the amount of cs past the timeline in their agreement. It is also the basis of the dispute currently before the court.

I am convinced that kid 1 wants to go back to school and the delay is so the ex can put together a case for both kids to have additional years of schooling paid for. Not sure why she does that since her portion of the expense is 70%.

rockscan 10-30-2018 02:33 PM

Motion date tomorrow. Crossing my fingers the judge sees through the giant heap of bullshit the ex has thrown.

Quick question though...if the motion is tomorrow, what is the timeline on filing anything else? Another affidavit from someone not a party to the matter was filed Friday. It didnt come to the lawyer until today. Thats not proper filing correct? It would have had to be filed and served on him by Thursday at 3?

Ange71727 10-30-2018 03:30 PM

Fingers crossed for you too!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mom 2 Two 10-30-2018 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 231597)
Motion date tomorrow. Crossing my fingers the judge sees through the giant heap of bullshit the ex has thrown.

Quick question though...if the motion is tomorrow, what is the timeline on filing anything else? Another affidavit from someone not a party to the matter was filed Friday. It didnt come to the lawyer until today. Thats not proper filing correct? It would have had to be filed and served on him by Thursday at 3?



Will be thinking of you!! Let us know how its goes!!! Hopefully judge throws the pile of bs at the ex!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

kate331 10-30-2018 10:26 PM

Best of luck tomorrow!!! And I mean "luck" as in something that I am learning, is court can be a "crap shot".

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and looking forward to your thoughts and comments, your posts are so informative and such a huge help to all. I am just hoping that some peace can come yours and your partners way.

arabian 10-30-2018 10:44 PM

Positive thoughts are with you tomorrow. Look forward to your comments. Thanks always for sharing all of this with us.

Tayken 10-31-2018 04:51 PM

Any updates?

rockscan 10-31-2018 07:00 PM

It was five hours broken over three sessions. His ex got schooled by the judge and my partner got some serious vindication from the judge.

The ex was pretty confident and was just obnoxious. The judge went to town on her and her requests. Also went after her for what she has done and how she wasted the courts time.

He won and was awarded $3000 in costs.

kate331 10-31-2018 07:46 PM

YAY!!! Congrats. Does this mean its finally over for you and your partner?

rockscan 10-31-2018 08:02 PM

No. This motion was for a list of disclosure. They will still need to resolve the financial dispute and draft a new order for school expenses. Hopefully the words of the judge resonated and she stops with the stupidity and works within the law.

arabian 10-31-2018 10:34 PM

congratulations!

Is the costs award enforceable by FRO? Now that would be something wouldn't it?

rockscan 11-01-2018 09:03 AM

No the costs award isnt FRO enforceable but shes a self righteous martyr so she will pay. If she doesnt then when they work out the math on the school expenses and child support he will request it be subtracted.

Thank you for all your kind comments. We woke up feeling hung over this morning. I want to order the transcripts. Do they take minutes during motions? My partner just kept remembering things last night and I figured it would be best to have the transcripts so when his kids come at him he can quote the judge directly. I wont get into details publicly because they would identify us if she found this forum. If you have specific questions just pm me.

I want to say there was a silver bullet that sunk her but it was a number of things. The biggest was the lack of humility. She self repped because of self righteous attitude and it backfired. She had no decorum in the court. Argued with the judge and interrupted my partners lawyer to the point where she was reprimanded by the judge. Her materials were a mess. The judge flat out said he had no idea what she was asking for and when he figured it out from my partners affidavit the answer was still no. He also told her she should have hired a lawyer because they would have told her how wrong she was. It was a waste of time.

It also helped that the judge was knowledgeable. He is an expert, is a speaker on family law and has been on the bench for almost 20 years. He was not tolerating her bs.

The worst part is the kids. They wont get it. They will only hate him more now. He accepts that and said he needs to grieve for their loss and move on with his life. Its the saddest part that they will continue to live this victim behaviour because their mother refuses to accept responsibility.

arabian 11-01-2018 09:35 AM

Yes order the transcripts. Read them over very carefully. On the last transcript I ordered and received there were errors (the transcript had put in words that I do not ever use). The transcript was corrected and I received revised copy.

Transcripts, in my case, are extremely important. The last judge relied on previous transcripts to uphold Order and show how my ex repeatedly lies to court. I will forever love the judge's statement "he does not come to court with clean hands."

Transcripts will help the judge the next time you go to court in seeing what a disaster the other party is.

rockscan 12-19-2018 02:47 PM

I ended up not getting the transcripts as they were five hours long and would have cost about $2000.

Im bumping this because its been almost two months and my fianc has yet to receive either an order or the items the judge ordered the ex to provide. She was also ordered to pay costs by January 3. He has asked his lawyers office if they have anything and has not received an answer. He was going to wait to follow up when it came time for the costs payment.

Do you normally get an order following a motion like this? How long does it take? How will her refusal to comply in the 30days impact the settlement conference?

Tayken 12-19-2018 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 232695)
I ended up not getting the transcripts as they were five hours long and would have cost about $2000.

Im bumping this because its been almost two months and my fianc has yet to receive either an order or the items the judge ordered the ex to provide. She was also ordered to pay costs by January 3. He has asked his lawyers office if they have anything and has not received an answer. He was going to wait to follow up when it came time for the costs payment.

Do you normally get an order following a motion like this? How long does it take? How will her refusal to comply in the 30days impact the settlement conference?

I would have assumed the judge gave the order orally and possibly a handwritten order. Most judges do this. The official type up can take a while but, a handwritten order is just as good. Pazaratz types them up right in the courtroom and prints and signs them. But, he is an unusually excellent justice.

I doubt the other party in your matter will make any further action on the matter now that they have to pay costs. A lot of times the losing party will abandon their file and take no further action. So it falls on you to see enforcement of the order. If you press the issue they will likely want to settle out of court as going back will only net them more costs orders.

The next step if there is no action is to schedule a conference. But, depending on how things are set now you may not want to take any further action either as you may have the upper hand in not having to do anything but wait.

Costs orders that are not paid work in your favour. Orders not followed also work in your favour. If you don't need anything from the other party why push? It just adds unnecessary anxiety and cost. The other party may simply disappear.

rockscan 12-19-2018 03:35 PM

Thanks Tayken. In the confirmation sent by his lawyer, it said he would have a draft order with him. The order from the judge was in his favour so it should have been signed. Could be that the lawyer wants to save us money by waiting until he has all the paperwork and the costs payment.

We expected her to either comply with some verbal bs or send an updated offer to settle. They have a settlement conference scheduled for June which will address the previous section 7 and outstanding cs he owes because of her refusal to update and how section 7 and cs will work for the other kid who is expected to go to school next fall. Although there was talk that kid 2 wasnt interested in further schooling but kid 1 wants an additional degree. Her costs order is less than what he owes and what he will have to pay for kid 2. She flat out said she will be motioning for all of it and the judge clapped back that she wasnt entitled to anything she would be asking for.

Shes notorious for not meeting deadlines, I thought since she was so fully smacked by the judge that she would be on better behaviour. Guess we will wait and see.

rockscan 03-01-2019 10:52 AM

Here we are
 
Im feeling down today and figured an update was in order...

The ex complied with the costs part of the motion but the judge told her verbally to provide the school info. She didnt. After several weeks of back and forth with the lawyer, my man found out that they have to go back to get clarification from the judge to turn the endorsement into an order to have her found in contempt since they need the school info for their settlement conference in June. (His lawyers assistants are completely useless which compounded the problem).

My man was also called for jury duty and he is really frustrated as he cant take time off and he loses pay. Hes worried about how it will impact his job and income. They cant fire him but they can replace him and then realize he wasnt needed (fire him) which is stressing him out.

Im trying to deal with getting his divorce certificate so we can get a marriage license. Thank god we arent doing a wedding which would be impacted by timelines. Living several hours away from the courthouse is difficult. I have to send a family member and the waits are hours long.

Finally, I was diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer but it has also placed a huge weight on us. He doesnt handle stress well and today I feel like Im holding everything together because if I dont, we will collapse. I do see a therapist and they are helping me cope but some days are easier than others. Im trying not to worry and waiting on our disastrous health care system is quite annoying. I would like to know Im cancer free and can get on with my life.

This morning he told me that hes been upset because this legal issue will just distance the kids further and reconciliation will be unattainable. I told him his kids need to get over themselves and there is nothing he can do if they choose to hate him for expecting their mother to comply. I will be brutally honest and say that I have zero interest in dealing with his kids. Aside from their attitude toward him, they are really spoiled jerks. My diagnosis has made me look at all the shit Ive been through and since Im not bemoaning my struggles, its really hard to listen to their you are mean for not paying for me to fuck the dog at school and spend summers at the beach.

Theres my vent. Im going to go sit and try to enjoy the sun even though I know its still winter and stupid cold.

#firstworldproblems

iona6656 03-01-2019 02:21 PM

This just sucks- I'm sorry. But I wouldn't downplay these issues as first world problems...sometimes I want to do the same thing with my problems because - even though all this shit is going down in my life- I still feel like I have a lot of privilege that others don't...so somehow my problems don't seem as worthy? But that's just dumb. Everything is relative.

I'm sorry about the health matters. Are you waiting on test results or appointments?

As to your husbands kids- that just sucks. I can tell that he's fought so hard for them. And saying they'll come around is probably just platitudes...but hopefully something will trigger something in them- the further they are away from their mother.

rockscan 03-01-2019 02:54 PM

Im waiting on more info from the pathologist which may require further surgery and on an appointment with another specialist who will do a body scan to check for any other impacts and to determine what further treatment/long-term care will be required.

At least the lawyer was helpful this morning and my man was told he is no longer needed for jury duty.

For some reason this week I just feel like everything is being juggled and Im exhausted.

Thanks for the pep talk :)

iona6656 03-01-2019 02:57 PM

...because you ARE exhausted. ?

I hope you guys get a chance to do something restful this weekend.

PeacefulMoments 03-01-2019 03:17 PM

Hugs, hope you can find some rest today. Im recently having health issues myself compounding other issues so I get how it just makes everything else more stressful. Try not thinking too far ahead and focus on feeling better today. Im wishing good things for you.

arabian 03-01-2019 04:21 PM

Best wishes Rockscan. Yeah healthcare in ON is antiquated. Like wine that is sold, people in the province don't understand what the problem is cause they simply haven't experienced much selection. Keep on top of your medical stuff... too many union people and not enough doctors I think. Record management is scary.... I'd phone to make sure things get sent (referrals/test results/appointment notifications) and assume things will, indeed, get lost. Sorry to add to your stress.

Hopefully things will improve in near future. Soon Spring will be here and perhaps you and your man can dive into a home/yard project. Keeping busy with fun things helps.

kate331 03-04-2019 05:05 PM

WOW Rockscan, your in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself, your health is a top priority. I too recently had a health scare (with my son), and it totally changed my perceptive. I simply am grateful he is alive and will recover, and I dont give a shit anymore what happens in the hell hole called Family Law.

I remember being in my early 20's and didnt give a shit about anything but myself, I feel sorry now for my parents (who were divorced amicably). Now that I am a Mother and in my 30's, family is everything to me, and I hope one day his children realize it. It just may take some time.

In the meantime, I wish you good days and lots of sunshine even though its still stupid cold outside. And I hope your man realizes what a gift you are to him and puts his focus on your well being and puts the past with his bitch of an ex and children behind him. I know easier said than done. But sometimes these life changing medical issues can do that.

I also would like to take this opportunity to thank you personally for all the help you have been to the members here, and particularly to me. Your no bull-shit approach has provided much advice, insight and thought, and I truly am appreciative.

On a lighter note, are his children bridesmaid at your wedding??? Sorry couldn't resist :):)::)

rockscan 04-16-2019 05:25 PM

I need a what would you do check on something.

Email to my man about plans for kid 2. Very passive aggressive/my hands are clean approach. Boils down to where have you been? We have a kid heading to school in the fall!

My question to the minds here is: worth a response other than thank you for the information? They have a sc in a couple of months...


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