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-   -   What has family court taught you? (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21580)

Stillbreathing 01-09-2018 12:31 AM

What has family court taught you?
 
Six years ago I was very niave in that I thought going to court would force my unreasonable ex to follow the law and quickly resolve our conflicts. I also thought that like criminal court, family court would protect us from harm. Boy was I wrong! I have lost all faith in the justice system and I say this as the “winning” litigant!

What family court has taught me:

1. Family court loves, expects, condones and thrives on lies.
2. Lies will be believed long after they are disproven with evidence
3. Everybody is after every cent you own, earn and can go into debt for
4. Best interests of the children is an oxymoron
5. The “fast track” in family law means 6 years and counting
6. The judge views and treats you, your ex and your children with disdain like you are scum under their feet
7. Case conferences and TMC’s are a waste of time and money
8. Whoever is the bad guy wins
9. The rules are actually only guidelines
10. Your ex will be able to get away with everything no matter how outrageous
11. Whether you follow the court order or not doesn’t really matter to your case
12. Judges have a God complex and are not held accountable
13. You are punished for following court orders
14. Your ex will be rewarded for breaching an order

These are but a few things I learned. How about you? What did family court teach you?

Stillbreathing 01-09-2018 12:43 AM

A few more lessons:

- family court is traumatic
- once you enter family court you will never be the same
- you don’t really instruct your lawyer, they do what the hell they please and then blame you

kate331 01-09-2018 01:48 AM

That the wheels of Family Law justice move very slowly. And one party can drag it out for years. And the system is set up to be very adversarial.

There needs to be a "times up' or "metoo" type movement for the Canadian Family Law System imo.

ensorcelled 01-12-2018 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate331 (Post 226158)
That the wheels of Family Law justice move very slowly. And one party can drag it out for years. And the system is set up to be very adversarial.

There needs to be a "times up' or "metoo" type movement for the Canadian Family Law System imo.

I was thinking this exact thing today too.

Helpmyspouse 04-03-2019 11:39 PM

I learned that the system is broken. Only winners are the lawyers. You will be bled for every cent you own until you are in debt. The system players all support each other, judges, lawyers, court staff. That's why everything is dragged on and you are billed by the second. Best interest of kids is ignored. I wish I had NEVER gotten married and will NEVER enter another relationship again. Freedom is priceless. Just wish I could have freedom and the more than $100,000 in legal fees that were robbed from me and my kids. :mad:

ifonlyihadknown 04-04-2019 10:53 AM

I learnt that the system must be specifically designed to inflict the most psychological pain possible on its victims.

That case conferences and settlement conferences are a complete waste of time and money (at least in my case.)

That the less an ex does during the marriage, they more they get.

That the system thrives on restricting knowledge to the two parties who are going through what is probably the worst time of their lives.

arabian 04-04-2019 03:18 PM

I was shocked at how lawyers seemingly endorse clients submitting false affidavits. I soon learned that lawyers merely game their clients. The more high-conflict things are the more money is to be made.

I was fortunate to have a very good lawyer. If I could not corroborate my affidavit to my lawyer then the affidavit would not be sent out. If more lawyers did this I think there would be a significant improvement in family court. Encouraging client to file highly inflammatory statements about ex is simply wrong.

I think it is safe to say that most people who enter into family court have had no previous experience with any legal matter aside from purchasing or selling a home. People trust their lawyers and unfortunately don't seem to "instruct" their lawyers. Instead they are led down a long and expensive path of litigation. Lawyers also fail their clients by not discussing other options to settling their issues and makes me believe that unless a lawyer can make money on something they ain't interested in considering anything. It's all about billable hours. The endless revolving doors of case conferences is proof of this.

Another thing that really bugs me is how self-represented people suck the life blood out of the system by going to court over the smallest thing. Doesn't anyone know how to settle things with their ex out-of-court? It's almost like everyone is seeking judgement ... the need to be told one person is right and the other wrong drives people to endless litigation. Total waste of time and taxpayer's money.

And yes... Parenting after separation courses should be mandatory prior to anyone doing anything in the court system.

Mom 2 Two 04-04-2019 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stillbreathing (Post 226156)
A few more lessons:



- family court is traumatic

- once you enter family court you will never be the same

- you don’t really instruct your lawyer, they do what the hell they please and then blame you



Yes like telling them you want to adjourn again and the lawyer disagrees. Writes your lengthy brief. Serves it on the respondent and then calls you after saying you should adjourn. Oh and still sends the $2000 bill for doing up paperwork you didn’t need.


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rockscan 04-04-2019 04:11 PM

There is a mandatory program in Ontario on the process that I think people have to attend at the beginning. Its listed on the motion to change form. I don’t know whats involved but it should include the laws around their case. I say this because the motion in the fall was completely a waste of time and the judge spent four hours explaining why it was useless to a self repped individual.

Which is really the issue. Self rep litigants do suck the life out of the system. If they are self repping they should have to sit down with someone ahead of time who tells them flat out what they can and cant do and has the power to cancel a court date.

iona6656 04-04-2019 04:48 PM

Some of you really need to fire your lawyer.


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