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It goes on and on 09-13-2018 12:35 PM

How can i make it stop?
 
Left my husband in 2010. We had an amicable situation until he met a woman, now his wife. Since she has been involved in 2013 its been hell. I hold him responsible because he is responsible for his actions but its a nightmare.

CAS, police, OCL, psychologists have all been involved. After incredible fabrication on his part, the professionals finally sorted it out and saw him for what he is. He went from having the children almost half the time every week, to being cut back by CAS to every second weekend. in 2016 on the eve of our trial, he was suddenly motivated to settle and I thought it was over.
Then the allegations started again. He filed official complaints with the law society against the OCL, against my lawyer, and filed a complaint with my husband in his professional association. All dismissed of course as there is no wrong doing on my part. As part of the settlement agreement I settled only on the agreement that he and his now wife would sign a release stopping them from further litigation. Other than the arduous custody/financial garbage in family law, she had tried to sue me twice in civil court for "pain and suffering". None of the outcomes of any of the litigation went well for him or for her.
in 2015 he manhandled our son and he kicked him out and hasn't allowed him back since. He was 16 at the time. A month after settlement he kicked our daughter out during her time with him and hasn't let her back either. He joins groups and forums and has contacted newspapers, Dr. Phil etc etc.....all claiming that he has been alienated from his children and that he is a champion for fathers rights to have their children 50/50. He has started a new family court process, trying to turn over the agreement we signed and had endorsed on the eve of our trial in 2016. He agreed to it. But now he wants it overturned saying that I committed "fraud" because I had spoken with his now wifes ex husband. I used a false name to speak with him. I had contacted him to understand her thinking better and to understand some of the claims she had made during their divorce and parenting situation. He was never involved in anyway in the case and his name never even came up until after the agreement was signed. it had no bearing on anything.
Anyway, he wants to over turn the agreement. He wants legal custody of the children (19 yrs and almost 17 years) but he doesn't want them to live with him. He wants me to pay him back all the years of child support he paid plus litigation costs plus interest plus mortgage fees plus plus plus plus...it amounts to 300K. Meanwhile, he stopped paying all child support and recently FRO started to garnish him. He is 25K in arrears.
Im just tired. He has no case. He has made no motion to see the kids. Wants nothing to do with them, but wants them removed from my home and put into foster care because "im a monster". Im so tired of spending money on litigation. Im paying for college on my own and all the childrens needs...plus litigation. Im just so tired. This has been going on and on.
This incessant insanity.
At least he stopped calling the police...for now.


there is so much of this story that no one would believe me if I outlined it all. I want to write a book but right now im too tired to even do what I need to do for this new litigation crap.


This is what its like to divorce a narcissist.

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 12:37 PM

BTW, I feel a tremendous amount of empathy for fathers who are kept from their children, and if any of them knew what a con my ex was they would be so angry with him. He is a disservice to their cause. Our daughter really wants a relationship with her dad....and rather than do that, he prefers this narrative of his "suffering" because he cant see her. He wont see her.

rockscan 09-13-2018 01:08 PM

First document everything.

Second, respond to his motion with a request to dismiss. The kids are 19 and 17, no judge will force them out of your house.

Have you spoken to the police about harassment? Or even slander?

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 230761)
First document everything.

Second, respond to his motion with a request to dismiss. The kids are 19 and 17, no judge will force them out of your house.

Have you spoken to the police about harassment? Or even slander?

thanks for the reply. Yup, everything is documented but you know what, it almost doesn't matter. You cannot prove a negative. The real irony is that he levies all these accusations at me that I cannot prove I didn't do but he never provides the evidence that I did it. (because I didn't). And then it all gets conflated and dismissed as a "he said/she said" scenario. I keep saying provide the evidence and he muddies it so much that that gets forgotten.
I have no intentions of calling the police. He called the police on me 8 times I think and once tried to have me arrested for harassment etc. I had evidence to counter his claims and they dropped it all, but each time I experienced the worse misogynistic, demeaning garbage and I learned quickly that I had to keep my voice super calm...almost to the point of monotone or I got accused of being irrational. I told the police once that I was afraid of him hurting me...and I am....and was told that "he didn't seem that type" and dismissed me. This was in response to their coming to the house after I would show them documentation counter to why he had called them.
He hurt our daughter once, and 3 days after that she came back to my care. The police got involved given that CAS was involved...they actually told me that it was my responsibility to report these things when it happens and I could be arrested for negligence.
I didn't know it had happened and she wasn't in my care when the event happened. The police knew about it the first moment she was in my care (again I didn't call the police but they were called by her counselor when I took her for the appointment). I was in trouble for not reporting it. Not him for having perpetrated it.
no thanks.


no police.

rockscan 09-13-2018 01:59 PM

You may need the police. Hes bordering on requiring an order against him like a peace bond or a cease and desist. Plus if you were to sue him for slander or harassment you would need them.

Otherwise you are simply going to have to ignore his bullshit. The kids are old enough to choose what they want and as long as FRO is enforcing the financial order you can just live your life. Yes he will bad mouth you, yes hes a jerk, yes its difficult but you canít stop him from saying what he wants. Harassment is a whole other ball game but the lies are his to tell. You need to just remember the source.

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 01:59 PM

I really am struggling today. I don't think I mentioned we were in court yesterday with the case conference. Despite being told at the DRO and now this that really he has no case, he just doesn't hear it.


Im never going to have him out of my life. Im never going to have him leave me alone. I feel like im cracking at the seams again and im so, so utterly tired.

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 230764)
You may need the police. Hes bordering on requiring an order against him like a peace bond or a cease and desist. Plus if you were to sue him for slander or harassment you would need them.

Otherwise you are simply going to have to ignore his bullshit. The kids are old enough to choose what they want and as long as FRO is enforcing the financial order you can just live your life. Yes he will bad mouth you, yes hes a jerk, yes its difficult but you canít stop him from saying what he wants. Harassment is a whole other ball game but the lies are his to tell. You need to just remember the source.

oh I don't care what he is saying. that isn't the point. I just need him to stop litigating. I don't want to sue because it costs me more in suing and whats the point? He is trying to have the release he and she signed to not be able to refile new law suits over turned and my starting a pointless suit would just play into their hands. They seem to want litigation, but I don't know why. I really don't. Im really just venting. I already know that none of this can be stopped other than having a summary judgment issued to drop this nonsense and file a motion that forces him to petition the court in the future for malicious litigation.

rockscan 09-13-2018 02:02 PM

So you go to the case conference and you get the judge to tell him what for. See if there is an order that can be made at that point. Once youve gone through the conference, file for a motion date and request it be dismissed.

You cant reason with an unreasonable person. He will do whatever he can to hurt you. My partner is going through his own issue with an ex who has mo case but insists on hurting him. As awful as it is and as hurtful as it is, he has the freedom to file the paperwork. Once your kids are old enough you can be done with the bs. He will realize eventually that all of his garbage is only hurting himself.

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 02:04 PM

I guess I should have titled the thread: I wish I could make it stop. I thought it was supposed to stop after the agreement is signed but it didn't.

It goes on and on 09-13-2018 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 230767)
So you go to the case conference and you get the judge to tell him what for. See if there is an order that can be made at that point. Once youve gone through the conference, file for a motion date and request it be dismissed.

You cant reason with an unreasonable person. He will do whatever he can to hurt you. My partner is going through his own issue with an ex who has mo case but insists on hurting him. As awful as it is and as hurtful as it is, he has the freedom to file the paperwork. Once your kids are old enough you can be done with the bs. He will realize eventually that all of his garbage is only hurting himself.

he doesn't hear the judges. We saw the trial judge in 2016 and she yelled at him, almost held his lawyer in contempt and even in that he just didn't hear it. I wish there was a system in place for the courts to deal with someone who obviously has some sort of mental health issue. They don't. We are basically all at his mercy because as you said, he has the right to file whatever he wants and im forced to reply to it. Not replying isn't an option.


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