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Kkc 04-28-2019 08:17 PM

Living with my parents and custody
Thanks in advance for situation is a very ass backwards one so please only comment on the living situation

Without going into too much detail..we have a temporary 60/40 arrangement that came from.a nesting agreement as the ex alledged my dad tried to assault her. She is very high conflict and drove up court costs and depleted all financial assets on random things post separation. We sold the house and all the funds from the house are in trust. She ended up getting a house without a down payment and is paying an absurd amount of interest...I don't know all those details...and also skipped the whole concept of dividing furniture and just took everything including all the kids stuff and basically left me with whatever was at my parents and my old transformer toys..really low

Anyways..bc of all this I have to live with my parents with the kids. They have their own room and are adjusted to it and love the extra attention. My concern is that they are saying I'm heavily reliant on them. I also am staying here bc there is obvious evidence that her family is trying to brainwash and alienate us with comments..and I feel exposure is best way to overcome that
The truth is I am with them all the time, j take them to swimming and soccer, and outtings (I have Fri 3pm to Monday 9am). My daughter has become attached to my mom and often likes her to come with us. So usually when my mom does the groceries me and the kids go because they like grocery shopping.
The only time the kids are left with them is 20 minutes on Friday after school, if one of the kids wants one on one time with me (ie I took my 6 year old clothes shopping) or when they are asleep and I go for a walk around the block.

Has anyone especially fathers been in this spot and what was your approach. kids love it so much here they have demanded I build a house on the empty lot next door.

Selfrepmom 04-28-2019 09:16 PM


Originally Posted by Kkc (Post 235252)
My concern is that they are saying I'm heavily reliant on them. I also am staying here bc there is obvious evidence that her family is trying to brainwash and alienate us with comments..and I feel exposure is best way to overcome that.

Who is the “they” you speak of? If it is your parents, and they are saying you are relying too heavily on them, then maybe it’s time to sit down and have a conversation on expectations on both sides.

If it is your ex that is saying you rely too heavily on your parents, who gives a rats ass? Hit the ignore button and continue on with your happy set up.

Your second sentence above is a bit confusing as well. You feel that your ex’s family is trying to brainwash and alienate you and your parents against each other??

Kkc 04-28-2019 09:22 PM

No ex is saying that

Yes ex and her family r trying to alienate..interfere with access and all

Selfrepmom 04-28-2019 09:46 PM

Ignore the pointless bullshit/background noise. If you still wanted your ex’s opinion, you would have stayed with her.

If she starts trying to withhold the children during your access times, DOCUMENT IT (aka email and maybe a calendar where you jot down notes about exchanges)

Start trying to practice separating your emotions from this. The blunt advice from forum members here really helped me with this. There came a point where I really truly just stopped caring about what my ex was saying, and it was so freeing. He tries to yell/cause an argument with me over the most ridiculous stuff at least once a week (most recently it involved being told I’m a neglectful shit mom because our JK age daughter decided to dress herself for school in non colour coordinated clothes). It is honestly the best feeling on earth to just look at them, smile, say “have a nice day” and walk away while they loose their mind trying to get you to engage in their crap.
If your ex decides to spend all her time sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong and sprinkling her bag of negative fairy dust everywhere while you’re out living a full and wonderful life with your children and not giving two shits about what she says..... guess who the winner is?

Side note: Maybe ask your parents to no longer communicate with her (if they are) unless necessary- aka cordial hellos if they are responsible for exchanges

Kkc 04-28-2019 09:55 PM

Thx for advice

My parents do not talk to ex...she tried getting my dad arrested and pulled this shit 3 weeks after my brother was diagnosed with advanced cancer

I write everything down...I had to have the cops supervise a handover bc she wouldn't bring the kids bc they were crying...2 weeks prior there was near violence from her step dad for the same thing...
Case conference is in few weeks and after that I can go on the offensive...I really don't care what she does to me...but my kids is different

iona6656 04-29-2019 01:43 PM

I haven't come across any case law that supports the position that if one parent lives with their parents- kid(s) grandparents, that shows that the parent can't handle children.

From the case law I've reviewed- and what I've seen on this board- it seems actually fairly common a setup. And if the grandparents don't pose a safety risk- I'm not sure how it would hinder your case.

My two cents- kids benefit from a village.

iona6656 04-29-2019 01:46 PM

However, if your parents are putting down other parent though- that might be an issue.

If you end up with the OCL- make sure your parents don't say one little shred of negative stuff about your ex. Nothing. Express no disappoint with the ex- but maybe just the situation if it feels too inauthentic.

Kkc 04-29-2019 02:12 PM

my parents do not say anything
my daughter constantly asks us if we like their mom and is surprised when we say yes

my daughter is scared to talk about my family in front of her mom because she thinks she will get in trouble, she was also worried about praying for my brother with cancer because she sleeps next to her mom and would pray at bed cannot make this shit up, im writing everything down and hopefully OCL will pick it up

it is surprising that she wanted an OCL in her CC brief...must be a mistake, I am asking for it because of all the shit that has gone on

my kids find incredible stability with my parents, they have demanded that i build a house next door on the empty lot...

HammerDad 04-30-2019 04:24 PM

I would be shocked if there was an issue at law with you residing with your parents.

The ex's side saying you are becoming reliant on your parents is noise. You are living with them until the funds from the sale of the matrimonial home is released, at which time you will start to look for your own place. Where you live now is out of both convenience and necessity. While your parents are likely cool with helping, I doubt the invitation is infinite.

Ignore the ex. Focus on the kids.

Kkc 04-30-2019 04:30 PM

Yes...I will throw back that in 6 months she needed me to take care of things for the kids on her time...

Ie..I need u to get groceries...d2 needs a coat for school and in the states (to go shopping)...u need to cancel your work day bc the kids are sick

When I don't comply.i get berated...all on text message

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