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rollingesto 01-20-2014 07:56 PM

OK, haven't figured out how the quotes work so will respond to the best of my ability as a group. First of all, Thank You all for the suggestions and comments (except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation).

Yes, initially things were fairly amicable and ex and I agreed to the basic framework we have in place re: kids and house. It works well, he has never attempted to restrict my access to kids or house. He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.

I am working with an experienced lawyer and he did not see any problem with me leaving mat. home though he also feels I have been too generous. Ex CAN afford to carry the current home with benefit of my equity and could not hope to get any comparable space for less than he is paying now, I am willing to facilitate this until both are finished high school so that kids don't have to move, I just feel this is better for everybody when looking at the big picture.

Kids are teenagers, I am not worried about custody issues and don't expect this will go to court. They spend time at each house as it suits them...son has never likes sleeping anywhere else, daughter is here overnight frequently. As for my availability, yes I do work. I am fortunate to have a position where my presence in office is entirely at my discretion, I can come and go as I please and often work from home. Accountant, I have been privy to many separation agreements so have a decent idea of what can be...

As for ex's 2nd lawyer ??!! no clue. I would guess maybe his lawyer concurred with some of my points when I responded to the draft agreement and ex didn't agree himself. The basic draft re: kids/house was pretty good. Cottage/property division issues I didn't like to be described in a separate post/forum.

Links17 01-20-2014 08:19 PM

Quote:

except the sleeping with my neighbour...while technically correct, that is not an accurate representation of the situation)
Didn't need to dignify that with a response it was inappropriate, I was just struck by the irony. Sorry in any case.

rollingesto 01-20-2014 08:37 PM

I get it, no worries!

Links17 01-21-2014 12:44 AM

I mean, there are a few of neighbours I'd sleep with but I don't think I'd be popular in the community ;) - if you sleep with enough of your neighbours you get promoted from "Home Wrecker" to "Neighbourhood Destroyer".... ;)

stripes 01-21-2014 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rollingesto (Post 161642)
He was fine and we could talk while he had a romantic interest but turned hostile again when that fizzled. The abuse I referred to was verbal and had been ongoing (almost always under the influence) for over a decade, it never escalated to physical although I feared it would and I left when it got too stressful.

This part just jumped out at me because I've got a little bit of been-there-done-that in that respect. You probably know this already, but if your ex has a substance problem, at his (presumed) age it's probably not going to get better, and as it gets worse his behavior will become more and more erratic. People with substance-abuse issues, whether it rises to actual addiction or not, can be much more unpredictable and vindictive than "ordinary" people. All the more reason for you to hammer out a firm, ironclad legal agreement which spells out in precise detail exactly how you will conduct your shared parenting lives, including "sunset" clauses for disposing of the marital home once the kids are out of high school.

If you are being "too generous" or relying on day-to-day improvised arrangements, that works fine when the ex is doing okay, but the day may come when you want a solid legal document behind you when he hits a downward spiral (for instance, I think mcdreamy is right that you could be vulnerable to table CS if you don't have an agreement which clearly states shared parenting, and your ex decides to go for maximum money).

rollingesto 10-31-2019 12:32 AM

So some time has elapsed (cough)...divorced almost 2 years, never did do the SA - just filed for divorce
Kids are older, D22 is done post secondary and entirely self sufficient in TO, S20 is 3rd year Uni out of town. X still lives in the mat home (my name only) now itís about our shared custody senior canine....he canít manage her on his own with his work schedule and I am afraid if I take her he will lose it, plus he is well armed. Years ago he would tell me (often) that he would be leaving me and the kids & only taking the dog, so I donít want to rock that boat.
Beloved pooch is getting on and I want to be prepared. He isnít paying any rent so not a tenant per se, anybody know if I need paperwork to oust him when I am ready to sell?

Berner_Faith 10-31-2019 07:45 AM

Well was equalization ever done? Even if the home is just in your name itís still a marital asset that needs to be split. If you never did a separation agreement and the house has never been dealt with you canít just up and sell. Itís still an asset that needs to be dealt with. You stated two years ago you were paying half the mortgage and ex was paying the other half and other bills... has this changed? Looks like you need a lawyer again and this should have been dealt with two years ago


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rollingesto 10-31-2019 08:53 AM

No equalization, I will still give him half of net separation date value because itís fair but at 8 years post separation/2 past divorce is there a legal obligation to equalize assets? And yes I am still paying half of what I called a mortgage, but itís actually a HELOC that was used to finance a jointly owned business rather than to buy the house. House was free and clear before that.

Janus 10-31-2019 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rollingesto (Post 239166)
No equalization, I will still give him half of net separation date value because itís fair


Fair might be half of the current value, given that you have only been paying for half of the HELOC. Who has paid for repairs and maintenance during this time? Who has paid the property tax?


Quote:

but at 8 years post separation/2 past divorce is there a legal obligation to equalize assets?
I think you are right in that the obligation does not last forever. I wonder what the limitation period is. I feel I have read it in some case law but I'm not recalling off the top of my head.


Might be worth a search to figure that out.

iona6656 10-31-2019 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus (Post 239167)
F
I think you are right in that the obligation does not last forever. I wonder what the limitation period is. I feel I have read it in some case law but I'm not recalling off the top of my head.

6 years from date of separation.

s 7(3) of Ontario's Family Law Act


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