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-   -   The first post-seperation milestone (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9972)

inseperationhell 08-14-2011 05:17 PM

The first post-seperation milestone
 
Our 12th wedding anniversary would have been tomorrow. Not like we have celebrated in the last few years - marriage was too far gone and we both had our heads in the sand "for the kids sake". But I feel a little empty. I know that it is better apart...I am happier apart....but I think tomorrow will be a tough day for me none-the-less. Is that wierd?

wretchedotis 08-14-2011 05:33 PM

Nope. Completely normal.
I still mourn on the aniversary of my father's death.

Same idea - when something so significant is lost to us, it only natural to remember it. Not only that, but for better or worse, it serves us well to remember it. Just as long as you don't only remember the "warm and fuzzy parts", and therefore put the past on a pedestal.

AngieJ 08-14-2011 06:45 PM

This past Wednesday would have been 9 years
 
I understand where you are coming from! My X and I separated this past May, June would have made 17 years together and last Wednesday would have been our 9 year anniversary.

Our separation was my choice and I had my reasons, but in my opinion, I think it is normal to have strange feelings on those types of occasions, it's not like any of us planned to get separated and divorced.

I hope that you don't have to hard of time getting through your day. Mine was not at all as bad as I had thought it would have been, however, it was awkward cause we are still living under the same roof for a few more weeks till I move out on Sept 2nd.

Good Luck

Ang:)

winterwolf7 08-15-2011 09:43 AM

Tomorrow is my 1st Separaversary. Somewhat happy that I managed to get a signed separation agreement in days before the first court appearance and under a year. I can't believe it's been a whole year, but then again this has felt like the longest year of my life as well.

I noted my former Wedding Anniversary on the day of, but I didn't feel anything. The anniversary of separation has more emotions for more, as it was a really terrible day. My ex-wife had depression and had become an expert at lying to me and convincing me everything was fine and would be OK, right up until the separaversary when she told me she loved me and wished I had a good day at work (both lies) to get me out of the house so that she could change the locks, clean out all of our joint accounts, and leave me homeless and broke.

I can't forgive her for it yet, but I can put it in the past and move on. I try to frame as such:

"A year ago, something really terrible happened in my life. But that was a long time ago, and I have my whole life ahead of me."

fireweb13 08-15-2011 01:20 PM

My ex and I were together for 3 years and a month almost exactly. When my current fiancee and I got to that point it felt great, to know that I have been in a great relationship longer then I was in a terrible one. It was a bit of a weight off my shoulders. But I guess if you were married for many years it would be alot different.

inseperationhell 08-15-2011 09:11 PM

Well, I have almost survived the day - as couple of hours to go. Surrounded myself by good firiends and lots of beer. I told stories of the good times, like my wedding day and the days the kids were born and then went onto the bad times....reassuring myself in a way that my decision to leave was indeed the right decision. And to top off this day, was officially notified with documents that the divorce was going to mediation - kind of wierd that on what would have been our 12th anniversary, the wheels of divorce is finally moving forward.... Figuring that with each passing year it will get easier. Although I left him for many countless reasons, and would never go back, there is a small part of my heart that is empty...and will be empty forever...

May_May 08-15-2011 09:20 PM

I think it's healthy and normal for you to feel this way. Soon it will/would have been my 14th wedding anniv and I can relate. I believe it's a sign that you got married for the right reasons, and the date is significant for many personal reasons. We all got married with good intentions...but for whatever reasons we have ended up here. Look forward to new dates and find different unique ways to celebrate the loss, the gains, and the future !

blinkandimgone 08-15-2011 09:34 PM

Perhaps this will add a little levity to your day:

It's a gift!

May_May 08-15-2011 09:38 PM

blink-that's hillarious ! Found one with a pic...he actually put it in the driveway ! Mayor faces probe over dumping boulder on ex-wife's driveway - The Globe and Mail

blinkandimgone 08-15-2011 09:43 PM

lols, even better!


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