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-   -   Help them figure it out- aka avoiding nuclear divorce 101 (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22554)

iona6656 05-30-2019 09:52 AM

Help them figure it out- aka avoiding nuclear divorce 101
 
So here's the situation.

My best friend is thinking about separating from her husband of 13 years. But they've been together for 25yrs (highschool sweethearts). They are both great parents. They both agree they would co-parent equally 50/50.

They have three young daughters- 8, 7, 6.5.

She's not sure how they should set it up.

She makes significantly more- she's a doctor, and he's a brand engineer. While she probably makes about 3x what he does, he also does not make peanuts (>$100k)...

They just sold their house and purchased a smaller one.

He wants to move out- so I told her why don't they do their financials, and she can advance him equalization for him to buy a 2-3 bedroom condo, and they can consider nesting with the girls.

This may be a trial separation....or maybe it's permanent- I don't think she knows yet.

Also- yes, she's quite aware she would be on the hook for spousal, I think she would prefer a buyout though... Luckily they are both calm and rational people. I think there's a way they can do this amicably. They're both more sad than angry right now. (well- she may be angry- but that's backstory that probably isn't relevant).

Their focus is their girls...but I'm just wondering how well nesting works? Is there another arrangement you guys can think of? For the near future.

I think ideally, if the separation sticks, they would both buy homes to accommodate the girls- and just do 2-2-5-5 schedule or week about.

gettingexpensive 05-30-2019 11:15 AM

Why would she be on the hook for spousal? Why is entitlement a sure thing?

iona6656 05-30-2019 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gettingexpensive (Post 235977)
Why would she be on the hook for spousal? Why is entitlement a sure thing?

If he wanted SS, he would likely get it...just cause of the length of their marriage, the variance of income, etc...I really dont' think he would want it or ask for it. As I said- he makes a good salary. He wasn't economically disadvantaged by the marriage- she took the mat leaves for all the kids. They have a nanny so he didn't stay at home or anything. And she would for sure give table amount of CS - rather than set off to ensure the households keep the same similar lifestyles...I think they would not want the girls feeling like one household doesn't enjoy the same level as the other....

I think my real question is whether nesting is the best arrangement for now.

HammerDad 05-30-2019 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gettingexpensive (Post 235977)
Why would she be on the hook for spousal? Why is entitlement a sure thing?


There would likely be a non-compensatory entitlement due to the significant differences in income.

Janus 05-30-2019 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 235974)
I'm just wondering how well nesting works?

Hypothetical Situation

The air conditioner is not working well. The dad wants to spend the money to fix it, the mom is less interested because she does not really use A/C much at all.

Also, dad tends to run up the A/C bills in the summer and mom is getting annoyed at paying them.

When married

mom and dad argue a bit. Eventually, they have to come to some resolution because they share finances and they live together. There is an upper limit on how much this argument can spiral out of control.

When nesting

Parties do not share finances, they do not live together. They have very little incentive to compromise on the issue. Argument can easily spiral out of control. Even worse, these are two people who could not stay married despite the obvious benefits of doing so, and so likely do not argue well in the first place.


*********************

This can happen over any disagreement. Who cuts the grass? Was the house left clean by the other parent? Who has to deal with the broken toilet? Is it acceptable to hang the picture of dad and his new girlfriend in the hall? How about the new tasteful yet clearly erotic artwork? Can stuff be stored in the garage? How clean should the driveway be after a snowfall if the parents are switching? Why is the oven so greasy?

That was me brainstorming for 20 seconds, given time I can do better.

To me, nesting is like signing a paper promising to turn an amicable divorce into an all-out war.

arabian 05-30-2019 05:55 PM

I agree with Janus. There is a poster on here who lived in the nesting arrangement. Didn't go very well for him, particularly after he discovered the hidden cameras around the house...

iona6656 05-30-2019 10:48 PM

Well shit. What do they do? I guess just set up two houses? But what do they do in the immediate future?

Iíll bring up your points with her.



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ifonlyihadknown 05-31-2019 09:30 AM

Though I don't think any ex should get SS if making over $100K the divorce act does say that one of the objectives of spousal support is, "(a) recognize any economic advantages or disadvantages to the spouses arising from the marriage or its breakdown;"

So who knows. Hopefully none is owed.

Berner_Faith 05-31-2019 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656 (Post 235992)
Well shit. What do they do? I guess just set up two houses? But what do they do in the immediate future?

Iíll bring up your points with her.



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What do they do? One buys the other out of the house, or they sell the house... either way they are going to end up with two separate houses


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