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Tyep66 04-18-2018 08:50 PM

Please send some advice?
I have been viewing this forum a lot over the past year, but it seems I'm at my wits end and need some advice.

My girlfriend has a son and daughter. Her son shares a different dad than her daughter, but non the less she has always cared for him and her when she lived with her daughter's dad. A year ago my girlfriends ex took her daughter for what would be a weekend visit and never gave her back and instead served her paperwork to get custody of their daughter. He was granted an emergency custody without prejudice because he said she did drugs, which she doesn't and that she is a neglectful parent, which again she isn't and that he was always the primary caregiver, which isn't true because he would work out of town. She was served on a Saturday and had till that Tuesday to respond. We immediately went to legal aid because she doesn't have a lot of money and was granted some kind of legal council for that day, but ultimately until she had a lawyer there wasn't much she could do and he was able to keep her.

She was able to obtain a lawyer through legal-aid, but as soon a she tried to respond to his affidavit his lawyer went on a month long vacation. She responded to the affidavit and cited that she doesn't do drugs and that she isn't a neglectful parent and that she was the primary care-giver. As soon as his lawyer got back they responded with another affidavit and this back and forth went on for a while and during that whole time she never once got to see her daughter; however, she was taking care of her son 5 days out of the week. Finally after a month she was granted overnight visitations under the conditions that I not be present, which her lawyer told her to agree too because he could get it lifted. Well after more adjournments and more affidavits of him accusing her of more stuff and her simply denying it we were finally able to get in front of a judge; however, before our case was about to come up to the judge his lawyer approached ours and asked for the OCL to become involved and we disagreed because it had already been months and if they wanted to do this then why didn't the ask for it at the beginning. As soon as our case began the judge said that he wants the OCL involved and neither our or his lawyer had a chance to say anything. Essentially, everything was to remain the same until the report was finished.
She was granted a case conference, but he didn't agree to anything. Well this meant for the next 3 to 4 months she got two visits, which were spread over the week and that I couldn't be present during those visits, which I agreed too, but I never thought it would take this long.

The daughter's dad during this time tried to work together with the son's dad in order to take the son away from the mom through the courts by signing an affidavit citing more stuff about drug use and neglect, but she was ultimately granted interim custody and through mediation my girl friend and the son's dad worked out a shared-custody agreement. Her lawyer during this was the legal aid lawyer that is currently representing her during the father custody dispute.

Also during this time she became pregnant with my child her lawyer stated that the only way he could get that ban lifted from me is if we move in and have a good reason.

The OCL clinical investigator seemed to understand what was going on and said at worse she would get shared custody; however just before her report was about to be finished she took ill and had to send it to another OCL investigator. This meant the whole thing had to be restarted.

We decided to move in together because my son was due soon we needed to be together and we asked if we could get that ban lifted on me during the visits for this reason, but he denied it so we went to court to get it lifted and the judge gave my girlfriend supervised access visits, which delayed the second OCL report even longer. My girlfriend was crestfallen and all of this happens just before Christmas so she couldn't spend the holidays with her at all.

After my son was born we again tried to get the ban lifted and her access un-supervised citing that there has been a material change, but the case was ajourned and during this time the second OCL gave her recommendations at a disclosure meeting. Even though her finding suggested that my girlfriend is a good parent and doesn't do drugs and that I'm not threat he still awarded him sole-custody based on how much time he had with her during this. Sure he was told that her visits be back to over-night and un-supervised and that I can be present, but it just doesn't make sense. She said that it was better for the daughter to have a strong relationship with both parents during her life and yet just gives him what he wanted even though she knows he lied. Her lawyer suggested we wait for the report to actually be finished and try and see if she messed up anywhere, but I personally believe he is just going to agree with the recommendation and not push for trial.

My question is what do we do? CAS never had a problem with us or her. His accusations were completely false and baseless. She has a share-custody agreement with her sons dad proving she can cooperate. I'm no threat and have zero criminal record or CAS file. Furthermore, she never had a chance to argue her case because he was awarded with a temporary emergency custody order. Basically because he was awarded a temp order based on a lie he gets to keep her.

TLDR: Dad was awarded emergency custody without prejudice and through lies and even though they where proved as lies during the disclosure meeting the OCL recommended sole-custody for him? What can we do?

I'm sorry if this is difficult to read and will elaborate more with responses.

Stillbreathing 04-19-2018 12:00 PM

The sole custody would at this point be an interim order. Not final. Do not accept it and do push for trial. Yell from the roof tops that you will fight this and want equal shared parenting or joint custody. Put your foot down and donít budge. Educate yourself and instruct the lawyer you are objecting to his having some custody and you intend to go to trial over this. Be prepared this will take time. Be prepared to go to trial.

Tyep66 04-19-2018 03:19 PM

Thank you. I just spoke with her lawyer and he wants to wait for the report itself in order to go over it and see of there are any holes or missing evidence. The thing is that he knows the OLC investigator and believes because she is a veteran that she probably wont leave out anything. We also talked about the disclosure meeting and that how she basically was leaning towards a shared custody agreement but then at the end awarded him sole custody simply because of an unoffcial status quo that he got once again off false accuations. So, basically we wait for the report go over it with a fine tooth comb and dispute where we can. Then we wait for a settlement confernce where a judge will weigh the two sides and probably fuck us because of the report... At that point we will push for trial. Thing is legal aid might not go for a trial at that point but who knows. In the mean time the CAS is lifted and we have overnight visits.

rockscan 04-19-2018 03:26 PM

You may want to do a search on this forum for threads started by LovingFather32. His daughter was taken by his ex and he was accused of drug and alcohol abuse as well as domestic abuse. He went through an exhausting process to get his daughter back and now has 50/50.

You should also make sure she takes some parenting after divorce courses and any other courses recommended by CAS for custody. Even if shes a good mom, it will look good for the effort.

standing on the sidelines 04-19-2018 05:04 PM

She would be wise to have a hair follicle test to prove the accusation of drug use is a lie. That way his biggest argument will be blown out of the water.

What was the reason for calling her a neglectful parent? What was the custody situation for the daughter before this?

arabian 04-19-2018 07:34 PM

3 kids, 3 different fathers, allegations of abduction, Legal Aid, involvement of child welfare and probably police. High drama.

I'm sure there is enough money (from baby bonuses alone) to pay for a hair follicle test (excellent idea SOTS).

Rioe 04-19-2018 08:17 PM

Also read WorkingDad's case for how to fight a status quo established on false pretenses.

Tyep66 04-19-2018 10:51 PM

Sorry if I was a late. She is a recovering drug addict and has been clean for over 3 years so she has drug records that date back to before I even met her so there was our proof so she doesnt need to do a hair folicle test. Also her daughters dad is also a recovering drug addict, but he isnt on any program anymore. Thanks for the working ddads post. Ill go through it in detail, but man she never eeven got a chance to properly defend herself and I would hope a judge will see through this false satus quo

arabian 04-19-2018 11:42 PM

sorry... addicts are liars.

"drug records"? urine?

Without follicle test there would be much doubt, particularly as she is an addict.

Hope she is employed and making something of her life - that is important.

Tyep66 04-19-2018 11:47 PM

She goes to the clinic every week to pee in a cup and she has been doing this for 3 years and her doctors have to problem with her. So, they have had a sample record eachweek dating back to 2015. He was also on the same recovery program but voluntarly quit it so im assuming he is using again but I dont have any evidence. She is on mat leave now and she does work. She isnt a liar though. Ge however doesnt know the meaning of the word truth. Our lawyer said that a hair folicle test has shown to be inaccurate and im not sure what the case was but appatently a bunch of hait foliclr test were tampered with and now the courts dont trust them as much.

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