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kate331 10-18-2018 08:58 PM

I hope it worked well for you at the bank. Next step finding a lawyer. Do you have adult children that can help you as you restart a new life? i.e. getting the house ready for sale, packing etc. Try and think of this as a new beginning!

Sad54 10-18-2018 10:21 PM

I will be meeting with the bank in the morning. Hope it will go ok. The mortgage part is whatís making me nervous.

I have two adult children that are very supportive as well as a son in law. I will have my family around me. Iím lucky for that.

kate331 10-18-2018 10:43 PM

Knowledge is power, at least you will know what the bank thinks you can afford on your own, but maybe difficult without knowing if you will get spousal support.

The support of your family, priceless!

Pursuinghappiness 10-23-2018 05:36 PM


Originally Posted by Sad54 (Post 231337)
I will be meeting with the bank in the morning. Hope it will go ok. The mortgage part is whatís making me nervous.

I have two adult children that are very supportive as well as a son in law. I will have my family around me. Iím lucky for that.

I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. Its really good that you have a support system in'll need them. If I could tell you one thing after having going through a tough 6 year divorce, its that it will pass and things will get better. Divorce can be such a blessing and can lead to some really wonderful things...although its hard to see that while you're going through it.

Whatever you do, take care of yourself. Your physical and emotional health will need extra pampering during this process. And expect to have some really down, anxious, worrying just kinda sucks but you'll get through it. Best wishes and hugs.

Sad54 10-26-2018 11:35 AM

Thank you for all the kind words of encouragement. It really helps. I am having good days and some bad. I am looking forward to a life on my own but at the same time I have some very big regrets. I feel that 35 years of marriage has been a big mistake and I was stupid to not see it until now. He has never been affectionate with me and never confided in me. I wish I never met him. He doesnít even contact our children. They are adults, but I think it is even harder on them at this age. We are expecting a new grandchild any day now; he doesnít seem to care. He is more interested in his ďnew familyĒ (three little girls).

It went well at the bank. I have my own account and a new credit card on the way. I also learned that it wonít be too hard for me to get a mortgage when the time comes. It will just be stressful finding something suitable. Life goes on ...

arabian 10-26-2018 11:43 AM

That is wonderful news! I am heartened that you have at least some financial encouragement with regards to moving to a new place.

Yes my son was an adult at the time of our divorce. It is extremely difficult because the adult children know what is going on. I found it hard to watch our son faced with reality of who is father really is. I always encouraged contact for the two, even through the really tough years. Father/son didn't contact each other for almost 2 years. When we divorced the in-laws didn't contact our son and still do not to this day. Very sad but there is nothing that can be done from our side.

Think "new beginnings" and look forward to the day when you are in your new place... You will find comfort in reading some previous threads on here on things people did to celebrate their "new life".

rockscan 10-26-2018 12:14 PM

Adult children understand shit better than you think and all he is doing is making it worse for himself. When his new family decides heís too old for them and she goes looking for a new sugar daddy he will be alone and remorseful. The kids can then tell him to get bent when he tries to blame them for the crappy relationship. I say this from experience. My father has been told several times that being part of my biological make up doesnít give him free reign to be a jerk.

Focus on yourself and your needs. It wasnt wasted because you have great kids and a grandchild on the way!! Everything in life (good or bad) is a learning experience and now you know what you want in your life!!

denbigh 10-26-2018 02:06 PM

I think that is a pretty normal reaction, regret. I am so embarrassed to say I was married to ex. And looking back I did distance myself from a lot of people and we had no couple friends and that was because his behaviour is embarrassing g. I started distancing myself when we were dating. Can there be a bigger red flag? And yet Marry him I did anyways. What helps me to cope
With those feelings is that I do not regret my glisten I. Any way they are my focus and the most important part of my life and they would
Not be exactly who thy are without me having married the person I did. They are their own unique blend of our genetics and that I donít regret.

Once I. Your own place it will probably feel good , will feel like your own space. I would
Gladly get rid of my house and all itís bad memories but I need to stay so my kids can stay in the house they know, until they are grown up. I am trying to make changes to make it my own space as finances allow, like moving furniture around and changing some rooms.

Sad54 10-26-2018 05:42 PM

Rockscan, yes my adult children do understand maybe too well. They are very upset, disappointed and hurt by everything thatís happened. They also feel as though they were never good enough in his eyes. My kids are talented in many ways. One is a talented animator the other has a masters degree in music. They are both decent, good human beings. He has said more than once that his affair partnerís children are so bright and smart. He plays board games with them, goes to movies with them, etc. Makes my kids feel really rejected. He never interacted with them as much. His girlfriend is a ďwriterĒ and has posted an essay online with references to Plato and people that live in caves (that would be me). She very thinly veiled it as it was about me and my husband. She talked about people afraid to push boundaries, etc. One thing she said was about how people like this are blindly devoted to their children and canít raise them to their full potential. My husband is normally a smart man but he eats up everything she says. So, not only do I feel like a failure as a wife but also as a parent. Actually, Iím not a failure as a parent. My kids think iím pretty great and I think they turned out well. but this woman is clouding my husbandís perceptions. He is the one that will be losing out in the long run.

kate331 10-26-2018 05:58 PM

Wow, thank the Lord, this man has found a women that truly understands him. Good luck basing their new found love on what a terrible wife and Mother you were. They deserve each other! Hopefully these girls also have a great bio Dad that is devoted to them, cause she sounds like a nut case.

That said, you have a new life to begin and what a way to begin by having a grandchild. Enjoy!!!

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