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-   -   Trip to Florida disney world with grandparents being denied (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22098)

dad_needs_help 10-02-2018 11:25 AM

Trip to Florida disney world with grandparents being denied
 
This year I took the kids ages 12 and 15 to Mexico with my x written permission. This coming spring my parents have asked if they can take the kids to Florida Disney World. My ex is refusing them to go unless I go with them. My parents have an active role in our children's lives and are very trustworthy. I do not have money to go fight this in court.
I cannot get the time off in the spring when they are going to attend. As well it would be great bonding time for the girls and my parents.
What options do I have?
Both girls want to go with them.

standing on the sidelines 10-02-2018 04:25 PM

first off never tell the kids about trips until its an actual go. All you do is get the kids excited then make them hate the other parent for not letting them go.

Will you ex miss any parenting time if the kids go? If she is then I cannot blame her. The kids are not going on vacation with you, they are going with your parents. Tell your parents to cancel the trip till you either get travel consent or can afford to go with them.

Your ex hasnt been unreasonable in the past when YOU took the kids to Mexico. In fact she has said that if you go this time then she will give travel consent.

Janus 10-03-2018 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dad_needs_help (Post 231092)
What options do I have?


Legally of course you have no options. Unless your agreement has a clause that specifically states "grandparent trips can take place at will on mother's parenting time and she must give consent" then that is the end of the road. I presume you are aware of that which is why you posted in "parenting issues".


Good Options
A) Take the time off. "Cannot" is a strong word that is rarely true.
B) Negotiate. Offer her extra time, offer to pay for the mom to go on the trip, offer to allow the kids to do that thing that she wants that you've been a stickler about. Everyone has something they want.
C) Beg -> she might have a heart, she did let you go to Mexico after all.
D) Tell the grandparents to schedule trips during your parenting time in the future, or at least during times when you can take off work easily.


Lousy Options:
A) Tell the kids about the trip
B) Tell the kids to pressure their mom to let them go
C) Try to make the kids annoyed at their mom for not letting them go
D) Yell at mom
E) Threaten court action

dad_needs_help 10-03-2018 03:40 PM

All the above :)
 
It is during my time with the kids so would not affect her time. It IS difficult for me to take the time as I just started a new job.
My parents have asked year after year to take the kids but I wanted to wait until they were older so it has always been me being the ogre. They asked again this year and this time I said yes however I could not go with them. I did not think it would be a problem since her dad has taken the girls for weeks before, just not out of country.
Either way, it is not written in our agreement and I can't go this time around. Maybe next year.
Thank you for the advice.

standing on the sidelines 10-03-2018 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dad_needs_help (Post 231107)
It is during my time with the kids so would not affect her time. It IS difficult for me to take the time as I just started a new job.
My parents have asked year after year to take the kids but I wanted to wait until they were older so it has always been me being the ogre. They asked again this year and this time I said yes however I could not go with them. I did not think it would be a problem since her dad has taken the girls for weeks before, just not out of country.
Either way, it is not written in our agreement and I can't go this time around. Maybe next year.
Thank you for the advice.

that is why you never tell the kids about potential trips.

Janus 10-04-2018 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dad_needs_help (Post 231107)
It is during my time with the kids so would not affect her time.

That changes things completely.

Assuming they are not missing school and it is during your time, I cannot think of a reasonable objection the mother could raise. Is there some silly "right of first refusal" clause in your agreement?

If it is during your time and not during school, then I would consider going to court and self-repping. This would be a very winnable case.

If they would miss school, what are their marks like? When they travelled previously with their mother, have they missed school at that point?

Quote:

Either way, it is not written in our agreement and I can't go this time around. Maybe next year.
I think that is a reasonable.

That said, mom is being the ogre here. Nothing wrong with letting them know. Morally you are completely in the clear on this one.

Yup, I just did a 180, I recognize that. However, I think this happening exclusively on Dad's time truly is, to use our parlance, a material change of circumstances :)

arabian 10-07-2018 03:53 PM

In intact families if kids go to stay at grandparents or go with grandparents on a trip it is considered a good thing. Why would it differ in instance of non-intact families?

I'm not well-versed in child custody laws, but merely curious. I fail to see the rationale in denying kids time with their grandparents, especially to go on a cool trip such as this one.

rockscan 10-07-2018 04:18 PM

In intact families one parent cant say no and hold all the cards. In divorced families one parent can be an asshole and get away with it. See also: why the family courts are so full.

Janus 10-07-2018 10:01 PM

Grandparent's trip during parenting time of "their" kid: Usually not an issue.
Grandparent's trip during parenting time of "other" kid: Usually a major issue.

...which mostly makes sense. If you have a grandchild, schedule fun times during the parenting time of your child. In this case, the grandparents did exactly that, and the other parent is refusing. I don't think she has much of a leg to stand on, and I think he would probably win if he pushed it to court. I don't think he is going to push to court though, he has already given up on this year. Too bad.


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