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-   -   'Mild' Domestic Violence (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21957)

guitar88 07-15-2018 06:40 PM

'Mild' Domestic Violence
 
My Wife is diagnosed with OCD and major depression for several decades and has suffered a brain injury from a suicide attempt. She has near zero motivation. I stayed married to try and support her during this illness. She puts on a different face when talking to health care professionals see and they never see the 'sick' side. They know of my intentions to separate and I was hoping they could see I'm serious and steer my wife towards accepting separation when they meet. Whenever I discuss a separation with my wife she will not agree to one saying "We're married for life and I have no where to go" and 'I will not let you separate from me".
Over the last three months when I mention this subject she will get extremely angry that I'm not taking proper care of the house and her ,and has hit me with a sharp edged cardboard box, kicked me in the leg causing bleeding, punched me in the back of the head and just last week threatened to kill me by repeating it several times while holding scissors raised over her shoulder while I has trapped sitting in a low easy chair. Each incident is a little more scary then the previous. I let her doctors know about the 'mild' violence and my uneasiness to have my back turned towards her.

How can I make a report to the police? Do I?

Most of the time she is calm and meek. I don't wish to cause her difficulty but I'm a little concerned. I block the door to my bedroom. She has thoughts of suicide and death but tells the doctors she has no plan.

I'm preparing the paperwork re: property division and wonder how she will react to a formal reply from my lawyer? I was really hoping her mental condition would improve before going ahead with separation but it appears there is no improvement.

The only time I was physically violent towards her was a pushing incident over 30 years ago that resulted in no injury. I have restrained myself many times being extremely frustrated with her depressed personality.

ifonlyihadknown 07-16-2018 10:13 AM

I can't help with the police aspect of things but I suggest you document everything at the time it happens. Write it down with dates, time, photos, medical reports. Maybe even talk to family or friends so they can later back you up.

Talking to a family doctor may also help as they will make a note of it.

I don't have any experience to know what the police will do. It may start things going in a way you don't like and can't stop. She may also accuse you of abusing her. Perhaps others can comment.

You may want to leave first and figure out the separation agreement after in order to minimize the chance of conflict.

Memory is very faulty, and these are all traumatic events. You want a rock solid history of things in case you need them later.

guitar88 07-16-2018 10:46 AM

Other than a bit of blood on my leg that's healed quickly there is no visible injury to be seen. It's her 'threatening to kill me' that has me concerned. Words don't show physical injury but cause 'invisible' mental pain.

I have documented these instances to her brother and my Son.
Though situation because she's only angry and violent such a short period.

rockscan 07-16-2018 11:01 AM

This is more than likely a mental health issue brought on by her physical health. Its not your problem if you are seeking a divorce. You need to decide if you truly want to end the marriage and if so, do it. She will need to find her own supports as a result. The longer she sees she can manipulate your feelings with threats, violence and assault, the longer you will stay. Time to pull the trigger.

SadAndTired 07-16-2018 08:22 PM

Voice recorder.

Stillbreathing 07-16-2018 08:39 PM

You sir are not involved in a case of “mild” domestic violence from what you describe. You are living in an extremely dangerous situation.. For your own safety I highly advise you to leave immediately and then file your paperwork. Your wife has a longstanding history of mental illness with a serious suicide attempt. When depressed a person suffers from all sorts of cognitive distortions . In other words, they are not thinking rationally. To top it off she now has a serious brain injury on top of her depression with resultant anger management issues, impulse control issues and the violence is escalating! This is a flashing neon warning sign. Ignore at your own peril.

backinthesaddle 07-25-2018 12:34 AM

Abuse
 
If you went to police with that info she would most likely be arrested and charged with assault with a weapon (box, knife) and utter threats. Ontario has very strict laws and guidelines for domestic violence. You would have no say in how the investigation would go. You can't report "in case" something happens. If you don't want police involved and her to get charged I would get yourself out of there asap. Mental illness is horrible but she is aware of what she is doing so mental health court wouldn't help her. It would be an excuse for her actions that a lawyer would use. Good luck!

Newfie76 09-12-2018 11:29 PM

lol careful...

I went to the police regarding violence from my ex....she turned it around and said I was crazy and suicidal. I was arrested. Almost lost my job over that.

Our society will first and foremost protect the women above anyone else. Men are always going to be the abusive, controlling, money hoarding, lazy bodies that can not raise children and just gets tonnes of cash dropped on them from the sky without doing any hard work to actually earn it. We are the oppressors of women. And our legal system along with our PM strongly feel we as men are deeply indebted to women.

I am still struggling as to why our media and society is so focused on missing and murdered indigenous women.....when there are 3 times as more missing and murdered indigenous men. Why not just focus on missing and murdered indigenous "people"? Nope...men are not worth it.

Carefull....you go to police you better have very good and strong incriminating evidence. A photo? nope....you're drinking buddy gave that bruise to you etc....

HammerDad 09-24-2018 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadAndTired (Post 229908)
Voice recorder.


Yup. Buy a digital voice recorder. Keep it on you at all times. While it may not be evidence for family court, it can be used to prevent false allegations should you actually serve her with divorce papers.


Keep it running 100% of the time when you are in the house or in her presence when no one else is around. Download it each night to a secure laptop.


I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Your best bet is to leave the relationship, as it isn't healthy. But protect yourself in the mean time, both from physical violence from the ex, and from potential false allegations.


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