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-   -   Seeking opinions/advice on my situation (https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21880)

toilet 06-04-2018 09:20 AM

Seeking opinions/advice on my situation
 
Good morning,


I wanted to share my situation in more detail to see if I could get some opinions or advice. When I first posted back in November, I thought it was going to be an amicable divorce, but I can see things beginning to get a bit ugly. At first I was ready to move out and let my soon to be ex wife have the house, but I admit I'm starting to have second thoughts about it.


When the mortgage renewal came up in January, I still wasn't mentally prepared to start the process of separation/divorce. We signed another 5 year closed mortgage.


We paid $287,000 for our house in 2013. I put $50,000 or so as a down payment. The mortgage balance is now $196,261, so I believe there is around $90,000 in equity, or around $45,000 each. So at least $45,000 belongs to her no matter what. I'd like to think that $45,000 is mine, but apparently since I had the misfortune of having my father die, I am a 'selfish greedy bastard' (her words) for wanting my half of the equity, despite having received a large inheritance after he died ($300,000, which I keep in a different bank altogether with only my name on the account).


Does anyone think I am greedy for wanting $45k on top of my already large inheritance ($300k)?


We bought a dog in 2015 - my stbx paid for the dog using her credit line. I didn't want a dog at the time and reluctantly agreed to pay for it several months later, but I have no proof that I did. I do almost all of the dog walking, taking her to the dog park etc if that counts. I want to keep the dog.


My wife wants to keep the house. She would be able to afford it as long as the mortgage payment stayed roughly the same. ($1,050 per month) I make $76k per year, she makes $60-65k or so. I make $500 more than her per month after taxes.


Is it possible to refinance a mortgage so that I can take my share of the equity out, but the mortgage payment would stay the same for her? That is what I want (but again, am I greedy?).


Her proposal is a bit different. She wants to keep the house, she wants all of the equity in the house. She'll let me keep the dog if I do what she wants. She feels that she is owed more than 50% for a number of reasons: that I wasted 10 years of her life, that I am abusive, etc.


If we were to both get lawyers and fight each other over my $45,000 share, how much money would this cost?

arabian 06-04-2018 09:32 AM

I'd let her keep the 45 k for a number of reasons:

Whether you agree or not, she could start an application for SS. To defend your position you could easily go through 45 k in legal fees alone.

I'd negotiate with her that sure she can keep equity in home less $$ it will cost to negotiate and execute a proper separation agreement. This would include Independent Legal Advice for both of you.

I am not sure how you calculate the equity in your home. Have you had a professional appraisal done or are you simply going by what a real estate agent (money-grubbing person) has told you as these people typically 'blow smoke up your ass' and tell you your property is worth more just to get the listing.

Really doesn't matter whether she thinks you are greedy. What you have to do is look to the future and protect yourself.

toilet 06-04-2018 10:07 AM

Do you mean she should pay for the cost of the separation agreement and independent legal advice for both of us? Just making sure I understood.


I wasn't sure how to calculate the equity in the house. I just took the amount we paid for the townhouse in 2013 ($286,900) and subtracted the mortgage balance ($196,261) to come up with $90,639. The value could have gone up, but I'm not sure by how much.


I just feel backed into a corner. If I just give her my share of the equity, basically walk away from the house, she'll let me keep the dog and won't give me any trouble. It seems like extortion.


I'm pretty sure if I went to see a divorce lawyer behind her back and she got served with papers, she'd be pissed. She'd probably try and go after my inheritance, spousal support like you were saying. I'd lose the dog, and my $45k would be eaten up in legal fees.


And that is my situation.

rockscan 06-04-2018 10:42 AM

You are going to need legal advice to sign an agreement. Its called covering your ass.

Greedy is subjective. You could say shes being greedy demanding you get nothing.

You may want to do some research about the inheritance. I have a feeling its open to her in a full fight.

Definitely do some searching through this forum and through canlii.org on the topics in your split. Figure out what she could ask for and then decide if 15 grand is worth it. If she will agree to no spousal, giving you the dog and not touching the inheritance its much better than losing 200 grand plus legal fees.

toilet 06-04-2018 11:39 AM

I tried to tell her she was being greedy not letting me have any of the home equity. Her response is always the same. "You have all that money from your dad! What do I have?".

rockscan 06-04-2018 11:53 AM

Stop talking about it then. Who cares who is greedy and who isnt? Does it really make a difference? NO

Youre splitting up, stop making it more difficult by being petty with the name calling. When she says crap to you your response is “ok” or “thank you” or “its unfortunate you feel that way” or no response at all. Fighting about it is just going to make you both angry and want to get revenge. You want a quick and easy out? shut your mouth, figure out the numbers, present her with an offer and move forward.

Berner_Faith 06-04-2018 07:25 PM

As long as the inheritance hasn’t been mingled in family assets she can’t touch that. Any money used for family assets or in joint accounts becomes subject to equalization.

I am sure your house has increased in value since 2013.... best you get it appraised.

You need a lawyer for independent legal advice but you can decide to walk away with less than your entitled if you want to.


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arabian 06-04-2018 09:10 PM

I can almost predict what is going to happen here.
The poster's ex is going to seek legal counsel and the lawyer will convince her to fight for everything (cause he is billing 400.00+/hr and can use that money for summer vacation).
Both the poster and his ex will not realize any of the profit on the home because lawyers will eat it up. In fact, the poster could very well end up owing more than the equity in his home due to legal bills and possibly a new order for SS.

I'd therefore try to play nice. Heck, throw in a nice winter vacation with the deal if need be. As long as both parties have good, steady incomes $$$ is billable hours to lawyers. All it takes is one party to lawyer-up and the other follows suit... and off to the family court races we go....

If the ex takes the next step to retain lawyer (as her friends will have told her to do by now) the best thing he can do is stress to the ex the importance of getting regular monthly invoices from her lawyer so she can see how much having a lawyer really costs... Hopefully it won't get to this stage and the two can come to a nice settlement out-of-court.

blinkandimgone 06-04-2018 10:15 PM

Your inheritance has zero impact on the marital family financial split.

If she wants to keep the house then she can buy out your share. It's up to her to secure the financing to do so, you don't need to be concerned about how much the mortgage payment is and if she can afford it, that's her issue to sort out on her own. If the bank says she can't afford it then it gets listed and sold and the equity gets split - after any marital debts are deducted of course.

As for the dog, you may have to give up the dog if she wants to turn it into a fight. She will tire of it and likely give it back to you when she does.

It's pretty straightforward math. Mediation may help. Your inheritance will not even come into play at all. It's rather ignorant of her to claim you're greedy for an inheritance, you didn't gain $300k, you lost your dad and that's rarely a good trade off. I am soryy for your loss.

cashcow4ex 06-05-2018 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arabian (Post 229118)
I can almost predict what is going to happen here.
The poster's ex is going to seek legal counsel and the lawyer will convince her to fight for everything (cause he is billing 400.00+/hr and can use that money for summer vacation).
Both the poster and his ex will not realize any of the profit on the home because lawyers will eat it up. In fact, the poster could very well end up owing more than the equity in his home due to legal bills and possibly a new order for SS.

I'd therefore try to play nice. Heck, throw in a nice winter vacation with the deal if need be. As long as both parties have good, steady incomes $$$ is billable hours to lawyers. All it takes is one party to lawyer-up and the other follows suit... and off to the family court races we go....

If the ex takes the next step to retain lawyer (as her friends will have told her to do by now) the best thing he can do is stress to the ex the importance of getting regular monthly invoices from her lawyer so she can see how much having a lawyer really costs... Hopefully it won't get to this stage and the two can come to a nice settlement out-of-court.


Their differences in salary really is negligible for SS purposes. Their is about a $10k difference annually based on the OP's figures. I doubt SS would even be entertained.


My opinion is if he gives in and gives her all the equity of the house, that's just going to cue her to go for more.



I would tell this piece of work to sh#t in her own hands and clap!


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