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  • Increasing Shared Access

    Amazing forum, thank you!
    Access had been a roller coaster with my X until our parenting plan came into play March 2010.
    We have two girls ages 4 ½ & 7 ½ and have been separated for 5 years now with a divorce finalized.
    We have shared custody with a parenting plan through arbitration with her getting “primary residence” as we live only 20 mins apart but different school zones and “final decision making” if a decision could not be made unless we would have to go to court. The access we had previous was the same as below less one day but I have been seeking 50/50 since day one. The arbitrator kept that current access until the start of kindergarten (Sept 2010) for our youngest at which time he implemented the following access detailed below:
    Dad:
    Week one Mon 4 pm – Tues 8 am
    Thurs 4 pm – Sunday 6 pm
    Week two Thurs 4 pm – Fri 8 am
    Mom:
    Week one Tues 8 am – Thurs 4 pm
    Week two Sunday 6 pm – Thurs 4 pm
    Fri 8 am – Mon 4 pm
    It has been a constant battle since day one to try and gain a 50/50 with lawyer delays and changes. She even had “father unknown” on the birth record of my youngest and took until this year to get that changed. The arbitrator stated at the time that the girls were happy and could remain with the above access until their lives changed as they get older. I would like to seek extra access but do you think it is too early for me to do so. Arbitrator stated that more access would have been given if communication could be better. . I have always communicated well but the mom does not and claims she has issues with communicating with me because of anger over our separation. At the time it was a joint decision to separate until mother did not get 100 percent of everything (financially). Mother has increased her communication verbally quite well, but refuses any kind of paper trail communication.
    This increases the “suspicion” of non-communication between her and I. I send mother weekly emails regarding the girls, issues, schooling, sports, daycare, and health. She sends nothing unless it is pro-rata money owing to her. I am the one to sign up the girls into swimming, art, skating and baseball and pay 70% (pro-rata) of the activities although mother uses these receipts for her own taxes. Both parents are involved with school, daycare, sports equally as well as my common-law who actively takes the girls to most of these activities as X and I work and common-law is self employed. I pay full child support so that has never been an issue.
    What I have always wanted is shared 50/50 for the girls and I. I'm thinking the 2-2-3 is very easy to blend into our current arrangement.
    The girls are happy with either parent for any length of time as we have longer summer access each or longer access due to long weekends The Plan also stated we would need to seek arbitration again to change anything regarding it. I feel hesitant to return to this arbitrator seeing he did not even advocate the mother to seek joint counseling with me to better communicate thus affecting me getting 50/50. He did not advocate the communication emails either but I do them regardless.
    It has been almost one year since that agreement and don’t want to look in a hurry to the arbitrator but also don’t want this left in stone either “StatusQuo”. The only change in circumstances would be extra curricular activities the girls are doing now as they are both school age that we are all involved in. The arbitrator stated that when the youngest turned 6 I could possibly re-address the access but I feel regardless of their ages, both girls and parents deserve to be together equally and again the Status Quo comes into thought. What is your advice?
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