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Best interests hypocrisy thoughts for a Saturday night.

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  • Best interests hypocrisy thoughts for a Saturday night.

    I just read a post that talks about someone's rights regarding a parenting schedule issue. That post on it's own wasn't especially bad, but the language used by the poster got me thinking. It struck me that so many people in separation talk about their rights. Fundamentally, they don't see that is the kid's rights that are most important. It's so simple but so often not really about the children.

    Many people pay lip service to being child-centred, focused, whatever. Sadly, one only has to rattle that cage just slightly and all of sudden it becomes all about me and my wants. One just has to listen to some people who don't think from the child's perspective for less than 10 minutes to figure out that fundamentally, they just don't get it.

    Frankly, it boggles my mind how some people, even when claiming to be doing things for the "best interests of the children" all of a sudden show their true colours in the face of even the smallest level of disagreement. How many times have you read on this site the phrase, "Can I go after him/her for...."? Pardon me?

    If there is one simple piece of advice that can be distilled from all the bullshit that separated parents throw around in the settlement of their differences, it's to think about the problems from the kids perspective. It's sssssssooooo simple but sssssssooooo overlooked.

    It really is unbelievable how kooky it can all be.
    Last edited by dadtotheend; 01-31-2010, 12:18 AM.

  • #2
    Good post!!! It's not about the child in most of these posts. Its about the $$$$$. getting back or even or making the other parent suffer and using the children as their weapon.
    Everyone just wanting to reach their % of time so they pay less. And the other way around, spouses denying access so that the ex will not get their 40% at least just because they want the extra money for themselves.

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    • #3
      The man speaks the truth.

      For all the talk of "equality under the law" and "in the children's best interests" lets face it, the family law system doesn't give a rat's tiny behind. The whole system is massively tilted in the mother's favor, no matter how awful a person they might be.

      Most separated parents lose sight SO easily of what's really important. Most of the posts on here, and coinciding real life issues, boil down to ONE thing...the almighty dollar.

      Pretty damned pathetic.

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      • #4
        I think that it should be manditory to seek professional help ie.pyschologist or someone in that field or parenting courses before they allow things to go to court etc. You waste your money on lawyers who really take your money and run-most of them, Im actually quite happy with mine and using some of that money to help build a relationship with the other parent that would hopefully for the long run keep you focused on the children.

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        • #5
          Here's another great one I love. This one says it all:

          How many times have you read about scheduling issues and the poster talks about "my time or the other parent's time with the kids"? It's not about the parent's time with the kids, it's about the kids time with the parents.

          That seemingly minor distinction in the way some parents consistently describe parenting schedules speaks volumes about their mindset.

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          • #6
            great post

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            • #7
              My favourite is emails from ex always stating "MY" daughter..... think he does it to annoy me.

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              • #8
                Very true.
                I admit I fall into this trap on occasion myself.
                It is difficult to remain child centered during the times when it seems the ex is specifically attacking me, without concern for anything else.
                Although I try to temper my thoughts and actions in those situations, it's only human to take some things in the personally and want to strike back.
                Human nature sucks I guess.
                In my opinion, that is one of the greatest benefits of this site. I can run over what I'm thinking with strangers that, for the most part want, to give the best advice on how to take the next step with the child in mind.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                  Very true. I admit I fall into this trap on occasion myself.
                  Oh yeah, me too. Occasional lapses can be forgiven.

                  But there's a big difference in a momentary lapse in human judgement and systemic thinking that reapeatedly reveals itself.

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                  • #10
                    If someone says they never do on occasion do this, they are liers. With all that is going on, it is very difficult to stay focused. Mine always jumps the gun when I send emails or when we talk anything about OUR child. If he just took an extra minute, re read what I sent then I wouldn't have to deal with 3 personalities.... yes 3 of them.... LOL
                    There's just no winning with him, not that that's what it's about, I just take a deep breathe and think TOOL laugh and go on.

                    And the whole money issue is just sad..... I have not received anything from him, nor am sure I will. Whatever, our child is well taken care of and that's my main focus right now. My beautiful, smart, loveable child!

                    It's ok for me to use my child in reference on here right?
                    LOL

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                      My beautiful, smart, loveable child!

                      It's ok for me to use my child in reference on here right?
                      LOL
                      Boogie on reggae woman!

                      Comment

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