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Mom's the breadwinner

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  • Mom's the breadwinner

    I was married for almost 16 years, I walked out 2 days before our 16th anniversary. I supported him in the way of paying his $300/month for child support from a previous marriage for 10 years. The matrimonial home was his mom and dad's. The house is 107 years old and you can only imagine the work it needed. I the year 2000, I got a loan for $ 30,000 so we could lift the house so it wouldn't crumble beneath us. He has always until 2005 been self-employed, but was of no use around the house. No cleaning, no meals. He did coach hockey in the winter and golfed in the summer. I payed all the bills. In 2005, his shop burned down so he was forced to get "a real job". At this time I had to go out of the country to earn extra money to pay bills because he had suppliers to continue to pay. During most of the time he was self employed he and his accountant had it figured out that he would make just over 4500/yr so he could claim child support, I didn't even get to claim that. Most of our income tax cheques in the spring would go to covering his golf membership and get other debts paid off.
    Since I left, my contact with with my 2 children ages 13 and 15 have been severely limited due to their father's bad mouthing of me. I realize at their age the choice is theirs to make as to where they want to live.
    Now the "kicker" he likes his previous lifestyle and wants me to continue to finance it. Yes, I am willing to pay my fair share but I would like someone (like a lawyer) to realize financially what I put into the marriage for 16 years. He currently has a paying job and could easily afford his own f$%&^%g golf membership.
    I had one lawyer say to me, you paid his child support for 10 years, now why don't you want to pay your own. ( I fired him today)
    Yes, I could have left many years ago, but chose not to because I loved him and thought the house would eventually be ours after his mom and dad passed away. Not all the times were bad, there were good ones too. But more often the bad out weighed the good.
    Any other bread-winning moms in same situation or dad's with an opinion, I like to hear it.

    jevans

  • #2
    Well the lawyer you fired today is certainly correct, your responsible for child support! At the end of the day your children need to be supported. At their age they can decide whether or not to visit you.

    Mominont

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    • #3
      well he can get off his lazy ass and pay the child support for his own child first off. You may be on the hook for some SS but make sure that the judge sets a time limit on it. It sounds like the lawyer you fired didn't get the situation, in no where in your post did you say you would not support your children. Why should you support his child from his previous marriage?? Heck it would be nice if they took into considertation the 10 years you paid, but they will not. If he is working now then he is self supporting and should not get SS in my opinion. The kids are a different matter, but you only have to pay for your own bio kids.

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      • #4
        It doesn't matter what gender the bread-winner was. If it was a man that was the breadwinner, helped pay off his wifes debt and helped renovate the home while the wife didn't work or worked very little, he would be on the hook for both child support and spousal support when the marriage breaks up.

        The CS laws are for the children, to keep them in the same relative standard they were in before the break-up and spousal support is to help the spouse get "back on their feet".

        If the father was the main bread-winner, he'd have to pay CS and SS upon divorce, regardless of how little the female contributed finacially to the marriage. In fact, the less the female contributed financailly, the more SS she would be "entitled" to.

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        • #5
          You need to ask for full financial disclosure. If he is writing off all of his expenses to look like he has no income, then you may not to pay him SS or very much. But if he truly has very little income, and you were willing to support him during the marriage, then you will have to pay him SS.

          You do owe the kids CS. Make sure you start paying that right away. Have you applied for custody? What are your arrangements to see them?

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          • #6
            If more women were faced with your situation, the laws wouldn't be so unfair.

            Men usually get shafted by "entitled" women.

            Welcome to the "Old Boys club". Not that much fun, is it?

            My above rant aside, it certainly is unfair when one has to continue to pay in a marriage that is over.

            Child support and spousal support are part of all this, but the govn't policy of equal households with one paying more is just unfair and wrong. The paying spouse is totally screwed over, especially if they are successful.

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