What is the first thing I should do ?

[Shelda]

My husband has left our home almost two weeks ago.I was a stay at home Mom for 30 years and just recently started working outside the home. We still have a 14 and a 16 year old living with me at home. He has not provided for us and received a paycheque and never gave me nothing the day before Christmas. Do I go see a lawyer ASAP ? So as to receive money from him?. How do I get a seperation agreement from him?

Thanks
Shelda

[FreeNow]

My husband has left our home almost two weeks ago.I was a stay at home Mom for 30 years and just recently started working outside the home. We still have a 14 and a 16 year old living with me at home. He has not provided for us and received a paycheque and never gave me nothing the day before Christmas. Do I go see a lawyer ASAP ? So as to receive money from him?. How do I get a seperation agreement from him?

Thanks
Shelda

Shelda,
More info is needed. What is your income and his? You may be eligible for legal aid.
He will pay child support for his children. Depending on the difference in incomes he may pay spousal support as well.
Others on this site will help you with legal aid.
Although I am sickened by the way men are screwed by the FL system I am also angered by men who walk away from their families. They are the ones who screw the good guys.

FN

[Shelda]

Shelda,
More info is needed. What is your income and his? You may be eligible for legal aid.
He will pay child support for his children. Depending on the difference in incomes he may pay spousal support as well.
Others on this site will help you with legal aid.
Although I am sickened by the way men are screwed by the FL system I am also angered by men who walk away from their families. They are the ones who screw the good guys.

I just started working after being home with 7 kids for 30 years so my income is not too much. He works when he feels like it.I stayed home with my kids because I was also receiving widows pension and child tax credit,this helped us to be able to.I never pursued a career now I wish I would have.So I make an appointment with legal aid and they help with the rest I gather. Are there separation agreements where he has to commit to so much money per month ?

[dadtotheend]

Since you were a stay at home Mom for 30 years, there definitely appears to be a spousal support obligation in addition to the child support, and it could likely be of an indefinite term (as in, for life). I'm guessing that he makes more than you, given that you only just recently re-entered the work force.

If he doesn't come across with a reasonable offer of support, he is being very foolish because a judge will stick it to him if you have to bring an emergency motion for interim support.

[Kimberley]

If he doesn't come across with a reasonable offer of support, he is being very foolish because a judge will stick it to him if you have to bring an emergency motion for interim support.

This may not apply to you, but in my case when I brought an emergency motion for interim child support for our 4 children, all my ex did to avoid the judge determining an amount was to not have any documentation (financial disclosure) completed for the court date. While the judge gave him a verbal lashing, she apologized to me that she was not able to determine an amount at that time due to having no financial information available to her.
He hired a lawyer immediately after who spent months stalling the entire process until I threw my hands up in sheer financial frustration, as I was paying for a lawyer and getting absolutely no child support. This was 2005 onwards.
I have seen the total sum of $1600 from him for our 4 children from August 2005 to August 2008. Interim order in place - managed via representing myself instead of paying a lawyer - order has been with FRO since September 16, 2008 - deduction notice with employer since October 3, and thus far I have only seen the October payment on November 25th, arrears for September, November and now for December still unpaid.

Be prepared for the possibility of having to wait for financial support, and try not to budget or bank on anything more than what you know for certain you make via work or other sources of income (child tax benefit, GST and the like) as this will make things all the more stressful if he stalls the proceedings.

Best of luck to you!

[Shelda]

So he can walk away from the girls without paying a red cent then is what I am understanding,and he can keep his entire pay cheque for his own wants. So now my next question is how can I get it legal that we are separated ?

[dadtotheend]

So he can walk away from the girls without paying a red cent then is what I am understanding,and he can keep his entire pay cheque for his own wants. So now my next question is how can I get it legal that we are separated ?

How you drew that conclusion is beyond me! It clearly states above that you are entitled to both spousal and child support. Getting it may end up being a process but you are entitled to it and the Family Responsibility Office (FRO) will eventually ensure you get it. You have to get a court order to have the FRO involved though.

[Shelda]

How you drew that conclusion is beyond me! It clearly states above that you are entitled to both spousal and child support. Getting it may end up being a process but you are entitled to it and the Family Responsibility Office (FRO) will eventually ensure you get it. You have to get a court order to have the FRO involved though.

Kimberley has stated she has not received much from her ex.What is the first thing I should do then. Should I get a lawyer?

[Shelda]

How do I get a court order?

[dadtotheend]

She said that she has been waiting for a long time for it, but that she did get an order to receive it. She just recently got the FRO involved and they will enforce the order. Her case is somewhat unusual. Most folks dont have to wait years before getting it.

You have to file an application with the courts to get a support order.

As stated above you may be entitled to legal aid. Call the Law Society of Upper Canada and you can a free half hour consulation with a lawyer where you can discuss your case and get the ball rolling. You might have to bring an emergency motion for interim support. The lawyer can explain it all to you, and you should do a search in this forum on interim support and do lots of reading. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can.

[billm]

You said that he gave you nothing. It has only been two weeks. Have you talked to him to see what he thinks is fair, or how you and he could work together to determine how to deal with support in the short term until you can come up with a final agreement? You should find out what is normal and fair in this situation, but given that it has not been very long since he left, it seems premature to run off to the court house.

[Shelda]

You said that he gave you nothing. It has only been two weeks. Have you talked to him to see what he thinks is fair, or how you and he could work together to determine how to deal with support in the short term until you can come up with a final agreement? You should find out what is normal and fair in this situation, but given that it has not been very long since he left, it seems premature to run off to the court house.

How long should I wait for then before I go "running" to the courts? I have heard nothing from him.

[billm]

Why wait for him - you know as much as he does. Approach him, do what it takes and see if you can get a dialog going, come up with a solution for now, and then work toward a final settlement. Courts and lawyers are there as a last resort, not a first. You each need a lawyer to help with the final agreement to be legally binding (tell them what you want, don't let them tell you - this will only cause fighting which is how lawyers make money). But you can do this without lawyers (as long as you both are fair - which means that you should each not entirely like the deal!).

If he does not respond etc, send him to this forum or some other source so he can learn the it is in his best interest to deal with you, rather than the courts (same goes for you).

I realize that you may be used to him making things happen or making the money decisions, but you can't wait for him, you must find a way to make a deal with him without lawyers, or you will both suffer.

In essence it is simple - split everything 50/50 (assets and debts), he pays you child support using the federal tables, and he pays you spousal support based on what you can both agree on (that last one is hard, but the other part should be easy). You have been together too long and if you want you can (and perhaps should) get spousal support for the rest of your life, given that you have been permanently career damaged by staying home with the 7 kids for so long.

None of this is easy because of the emotions involved, but if you can both manage some trust, you will get it done faster, more fair, and without paying two lawyers a combined $600/hour to argue about the value of a $4000 car (as an example).

Asset split and CS are straight forward - he just has to accept that, but SS is a little more tricky - either a lifetime of SS, or perhaps some now with a time limit combined with a lump sum payment to you. You are reading here and learning, he perhaps is not. Once you both know what is normal in divorce, then you both can come to a final agreement.

It will be hard, but try to deal with him, write things down, list the assets, the debts, add it up, divide by two, and show it to him. Look up his income in the federal child support tables for the 2? kids he has to support, and give him a copy of that. Try to determine what is fair for SS, write it down and give him that. You will be saving yourself 300/hour and be in charge of the situation. The key is to get him some info so he can begin to get this into his head.

Just don't negotiate on asset/debt split at 50/50 or using the federal child support tables - that is fair and makes things go easy. SS - that is up to you and him. But the courts will cost you both and will be the worst case scenario for him.

Good luck, I am sorry you are going through this.

BTW I have just completed equalization (debt/asset split), share my kids 50/50 and pay my ex SS/CS because I make more than her, and her career was held back while she stayed home (not as long as you and she has resumed it nicely) - It took us 17 months to get there. I paid all the bills for the first year, then we started formal SS/CS. Total spent on lawyers (including title transfer etc) is about $5000, which is far less than if we fought it out - though it sounded like we were going to, but then we both realized what is normal, and followed that. I did all the work though, but it saved my family thousands and thousands and thousands...and save some emotions too.

[Shelda]

I threw my husband out because he is an addict,and was taking my money "stealing" it for his habit. He never gave to me he took from me. All the furniture I own is because I received money from survivor benefits when my first husband died on the job. We rent.so there isn't any thing to split.I just want him not to be able to take all of his money (when he works) for himself. I started my own company and make more money with my two daughters. But individually I do not as the income is split three ways,but my daughters live here and give it all to the same common denominator our home.He never gave me much to begin with..and he lies so I can not depend on him to give anything. This is why I want to find out how to get him to give to his two youngest daughters before he blows the next cheque on himself.And they and/or I receive zero again. At least we are no longer having to deal with his insanity any more

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

"billm" has great advice.
If you feel that there really is nothing of value to split, then your agreement can clearly state that. Also, CS is a given regardless of your financial position, it is about the non-custodial parent's income. Your agreement would indicate what his income level is, and what the corresponding child support table amounts are.
Then have the CS order enforced through the FRO with auto deductions from his source of income. That way he does not have to deal with it, and you will receive regular payments that you can depend on.

If you feel that asking for and seeking SS would be more of a head ache then it’s worth, plus his fighting against it, there is always the option to tell him that you will forgo SS if he consents to an uncontested divorce and pays the government table amount for CS relative to his income level to be reviewed annually.