Moving out with a child???

[rimanel]

I am in a C-l relationship of 7 years with a 5 year old. My husband owns the house in his name. I have been financially contributing to the house and it looks like I have a good reason to claim unjust enrichment. However, our relationship is through and he wants me to move out and leave my daughter with him - which I would never do anyways as he was not an overly involved parent.

I would love to move out with my daughter as it is unbearable to be in the same house with him and then go for sole custody. Is it an option? Am I going to indirectly minimize my chances of getting the sole custody as I will be the one who moved out?

Please let me know your perspective.

Thank you!

[dadtotheend]

A cardinal sin when trying to obtain custody is to move out of the marital home without the kids. That said, some parents do move out of the house under the "...I came home and he/she took everyhing (including the kids..." strategy.

While this tactic is abused by some people who falsely allege abuse and is reprehensible, it is a sad fact that there are many that have to get out for abuse reasons. If your case is absent those circumstances, you will have to tread carefully if you move out with the kids on the sly. One of the determinants of custody is the willingness of the custodial parent to ensure the other children have generous access to the other parent. By moving out absent emergency conditions and taking the kids, you may be perceived as unwilling to involve the other parent. You might consider proposing a negotiated/agreed move where you are the primary residence with joint custody.

[scottishmaiden]

CL and Custody

Hi:

It's true..the Cardinal Sin is to leave without the child even though you want the child in the end. Also, try to include the other partner and agree to joint/custody arrangement if possible or at least a custody arrangement. " Dandtotheend" is very wise with his advice.

I was in exactly your position. I packed my child, dogs, clothes in a car and drove away. I got a lawyer ( if you can't afford one you can apply for Legal Aid ) and then I applied for sole custody of my daughter and got it.

Yes, he had the house and I ended up in a small apartment and yes I had to work shift work and yes, yes, yes, he threatened me with the fact he owned a house and my hours of work and finding a sitter, blah blah blah. Once I actually got legal advice I was told he was just trying to scare me with tactics. If you are a single mom trying to make it work and you may work odd hours, as long as you provide proper childcare for your daughter, No one is going to fault you for trying to get on your feet for her and yourself. You will not be faulted for trying to do what's best for your child and that is all it will come down to in the end. You are her mother, and if you can provide and show the best situation for her it so be with you as primary custodian then you and your lawyer will show that. You must understand, he is her father and he is loosing the two of you. He is hurt no doubt and the only sense of control is stating he is going to keep her. I went through the same thing and it's hard to really see his pain when you are caught up in your own.
Be ware, until you get things written down in paper, he can take the child and you can not do a thing about it. Unless the child is in immediate danger the police do not like to interfere ( from experience ). They will ask if you have a court order or legal document in place stating you are the primary custodian and for example that she is with you from Mon- Friday and wknds with dad or you alternate every second week. etc. Whatever the arrangement is, it means NOTHING unless you have it done legally.
Remember, no one will fault you for moving out with her if it means the situation was not good for her to be in, she may have heard fights, sensed the mood, etc...As long as you take her and get legal action. What I do suggest is trying to get a free consultation with a family lawyer while you are still in the house. Once you have contacted legal council and acted under what legal council has suggested regarding your scenario and leaving with her, etc. This will only help you, since you have tried to go about leaving' properly' and rationally by seeking legal council before you left. If the situation is dangerous and dire, then leave with your child and get council ASAP.
I hope this helps. I was in the similar situation with my 5 yr old daughter a few yrs ago and my ex and I were Common Law Partners.

Good luck and trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of you. You may not see the light right now, but keep walking, it's there and you'll find it.

J