Help me all

[hadeel2427]

well i have 2 kids they are 7 and 5 years old and im on social services
and i had low income and im seprated more than a year and he doesnt care
about anything about me or his kids he is not paying a penny for them
and he had criminal recored my abusing me and hurting me
i asked him for divorce he says he will not pay for it cuz he dont have to
he can have a gf and he is happy with that and he says if u wana divorce
he wants me to pay it all
so i was like i wana dont know what to do so i was searching
and i found that site Divorce and Separation: How to Get Divorced Without Going Broke.
and they say that they can do it for 300$ but i was like scared
if its not trusted site and they will take my informations
and my money that i need it so much for my kids
i saw the applications they r so hard to filled by me and i wana do it
as soon as possible im so in pain and wana have a life cuz im still 26
and having all that plz plz could anyone advice me and help me

[dadtotheend]

Check into legal aid. If you're on social assistance, you probably qualify and they will represent you in a court action.

[Kimberley]

I don't quite see how you can't have some sort of a life without having to head for a divorce. Since you are already separated, what is stopping you from making a life for yourself & your children?
Have you talked to your case worker about getting some basic skills for job placement? This can make a huge difference in how you see yourself and your life, and it's also good for your children to see that you are doing things such as bettering your lives by finding a way off the system.
Unfortunately you are not going to find a quick fix, this is something that takes work, and you will have to put effort into making a life on your own.
Let me tell you one thing, you do not need a man to fix your life, you need skills, self-esteem & strength. Stop listening to your ex and move on with your life.
In time, when you can better afford it, then look toward filing for a divorce. For now, do what's best for your children. If you already have a lawyer, than ask her to file for custody & child support for the children rather than the whole shebang at once.

Best of luck to you.

[hadeel2427]

iam moving on my life and im studing now cuz he didnt let me to complete my study and now im studing and trying to give my kids the best life
but i cant effored lawyer cuz it costs me alot of money
i just need to have a divorce for child support and the custdy
but i want it in a way not costing me alot and about him he wants to divorce
but he says he dont wana pay anything

[Kimberley]

You do not need a divorce to file for custody & child support.
I can tell you this from personal experience. I am self-represented, I do not have a lawyer and if a have a few questions I ask here on the forum where there are many helpful people, I browse CanLII for cases, searching for matters that fall within my search boundaries, as well as asking a court clerk and/or duty council at court.
I do not have duty council speak for me in court, as I feel confident doing this on my own. I do not have a lawyer file papers for me, the court clerks are very helpful & patient, so I am able to complete & file everything I need.
You can file for custody & support separately from a divorce which can always be dealt with at a later date.
Call your local family court & find out about FLIC offices, dates, times etc in your area. These are duty council lawyers that can help you with paper work as well as questions you may have.
You will need to find a way to separate your emotions from the facts, as it's the facts that will lead you into the right direction.
I know it's not easy, I am raising 4 children who are 9 to 14 yrs old fully on my own, they have been with me 100% of the time, and it took me time to find my strength to stand up & say "I can do this!".
Remember this, you CAN do it, all you have to do is try.

[hadeel2427]

thank u so much for ur words
but why i need a divorce is cuz i wana also get married i cant just be
like this without a divorce and im not kind of woman that dating or
have bf etc... thats why i need all that..and also thanx for ur reply and ur advice

[Kimberley]

Is there any specific reason why you feel that you must get married right away? While I understand this is something that people may want, I suppose I don't understand the reasoning behind moving on to something that can be a life changing event whilst there is so much life turmoil on the go at the same time.

[dadtotheend]

Is there any specific reason why you feel that you must get married right away? While I understand this is something that people may want, I suppose I don't understand the reasoning behind moving on to something that can be a life changing event whilst there is so much life turmoil on the go at the same time.

Exactly, I know I needed a lengthy period of time where a relationship is the last thing on my mind in order to get past the separation. It's been two and a half years since we separated and six months since we divorced and I still don't want to immerse myself in anything serious, let alone expose my two young children to that.

Don't want to sound like a therapist, or presume to know you well, but you might find that working hard on re-training/education will give you the self-worth and resources to be better equipped and available for a relationship of permanance.

[Kimberley]

Exactly, I know I needed a lengthy period of time where a relationship is the last thing on my mind in order to get past the separation. It's been two and a half years since we separated and six months since we divorced and I still don't want to immerse myself in anything serious, let alone expose my two young children to that.

Don't want to sound like a therapist, or presume to know you well, but you might find that working hard on re-training/education will give you the self-worth and resources to be better equipped and available for a relationship of permanance.

That is so spot on. I know for me, it's about 'finding myself' again, and having that time just for me & the kids. I've been separated now for 38 months and still waiting for the divorce papers his lawyer claimed they would be filing a couple weeks after court on Sept 16th, as he wants to re-marry right away.
Although mine are 9 to 14 yrs old, they still need me more than anything, and while there is someone in our lives, it's moved quite slowly over the years so it's nothing the kids are suddenly thrust into the middle of.

Figuring out who you are all over again takes time. Realizing that you can't change the past, but can get a grasp on the future, without requiring a significant other to do that for you can make such a difference.
It takes a very strong & loving relationship to be able to last through the turmoil, and only if there is no doubt in any way, and you are confidant with yourself and your decisions should something so serious be considered.

/end therapy moment

[standing on the sidelines]

love yourself first, then worry about loving/being loved by someone else.

[hadeel2427]

well again im gona say that i was separated for 3 years and u dont have any idea about about details there was police and stuff like that cuz he used to
abused me and also i have cancer and no body takes care of me there is no one that i can call to say help when im in pain and in these 3 years there was a man
who asked to merry me the kids loved him and they always asking me to call him and i told him im trying to get the divorce papers
why i wana get married CUZ NO ONE COULD JUST KNOW THAT IM DIED IF STH HAPPEN TO ME
also im doing medical addmestrations study and will finish soon

ALL WHAT I WANT IS A DIVORCE WITH NOT COSTING ME ALOT OF MONEY

THATS ALL

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Because you have been separated for more than a year, you can file for a divorce on your own without consent on his part or even a signature from him for approval.
After a year of separation a court can grant a divorce without and consent by the other party.
Given that 3 years have passed there is obviously no probability that the relationship is reconcilable.

Go to the court house and ask them what forms you'll need to file for the divorce, I'm speculating that you have both gone your separate ways with respect to property and assets and therefore no need for matrimonial property asset splitting.

He is however responsible for CS, possibly spousal support for a limited time to help you get back on your feet, however, issue of CS and/or SS can be requested to be set aside so as to fast track the actual divorce. Once the divorce process has been initiated, you can file separately for CS etc. This too is easily done on your own only having to cover minimal court fees as CS is not contestable and is based solely on his annual income. If he is unemployed or under employed and is capable of employment, the courts will "impute" an income equivalent to what he is capable of making, and then they will base the support on that amount.

Your local court house has a wealth of help and information to get you though this with minimal costs. But I would stress that you go to your local legal aid office as it appears that you will qualify for their assistance at no cost and they can handle the basic divorce application and CS as well.

Best of luck.

FL