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Okay I have had my issues with non payment of CS and what not.......now this one tops the cake........Saturday the ex picks up my child and proceeds to get in accident with him and fails to call me......this is the second time that he has had an accident with my child and failed to call me........I need to know if there is any way that I can stop visitation whereas the safety of my child is in serious question........I need to know if this can be LEGALLLY done whereas I am sole custodial parent and he has only visitation rights.
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OK, there is no way to prove to the court that he intentionally meant to get into an accident.
After all that's why they call them accidents. Unless both were his fault, then they are just that, accidents. Sure it is very scary to know this has happened, not once but twice, but no one, not even the most loving parent can protect a child from everything.
I do not want to sound cold or anything; I'm just looking at this from the outside with limited information.
If he was impaired in any manner, or the accidents were ruled to be his fault then I think yes you could ask that he find alternate transportation to facilitate access, but I do not think you can stop access all together. That is NOT in the best interests of the child.
As for him not calling you, that is NOT OK!
This can be worded into an agreement that "all" incidents involving the well being of the child MUST be reported to you within a reasonable time or within lets say 24hrs. This would allow ample time to deal with the situation, without distracting him from caring for the child first and foremost. You wouldn’t want him to have to stop caring for the child first to contact you to avoid another court appearance or something like that, but on the same note you do want to hear about it as quickly as possible, right?
Just me 2 cents -
both of these accidents were HIS fault.........
The reason I am asking to stop visitation because I believe that this can be seen as endangerment of a child..........the ex has shown no remorse for this nor his actions.......and doesnt seem to care either way ............Comment
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I believe you when you say it was his fault and that he showed no remorse or concern for the welfare of the children to you.
I'm just trying to explain it looking in from the outside, the same way a court may see things without actually having been there to see what you saw, or know to be true.
Anyone can show no emotion in front of one person, even a few people, but get before a judge and show totally different emotions, do you understand where I am going when I look at it like that?
Seeing as he was at fault, and the reports are a matter of public record, you could request copies of the reports showing negligence. But that does not imply intention, and that’s the hard part, his intent on harming his kids, or having a disregard for their safety.
On the outside with respect to visitation you may win a case to have access supervised.
I know from personal experience, my person experience and others may vary significantly, that the courts will not terminate access unless you can show that he "intentionally" wanted to harm the children, and/or does not care how his actions affect the children's well being.
In your situation, as emotionally stressful and worrisome this is, and as a parent I can relate to your situation, you would have a hard time to show the courts that he was negligent and didn't care about his kids. I can bet you dimes to dollars that his persona would change like night and day if he was in front of a judge, and he'd plead that although he may have been negligent and caused the accident it was unintentional and that he loves and cares for his kids.
I think he may even be told to arrange alternate means of transportation to facilitate access rather then the supervised access, and that’s just my opinion, and I do not mean to be against you, or upset you further.Comment
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no when I say his fault I mean he was at fault for both accidents.....he rearended someone else........driving to fast and failing to brake at appropriate distanceComment
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Yes, I understood that the accidents were his fault, but I was trying to look at it from a different perspective.
In that, he may adamantly deny any neglect on his part.
Who in their right mind would go to court and say they intended to hit someone or they were intentionally not paying attention.
I'm sure his position will be one where he'll claim that he has really bad luck.
Either way, I would think that you could "easily" ask far alternate access transportation in the interim, and if he further demonstrates neglect for the care and safety of the children while in his care, that's when I would ask for access to be in an access centre.
That way he is not driving with them, and he's supervised so he can't neglect them.
Sorry for the confusion.Comment
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update on the situation
the ex just picked up my child for visitation........and surprise surprise he has a new car because the one he was in an accident with was wrote off!!!!!!! Now tell me how concerned I should be with his lack of driving skill and my child in the same car...........thats not all that burns me right now.....he can buy a new car and made a support payment of (ready for this) 93$!!!!!!!!!!! That wont even put shoes on my childs feet!!!!!
Can someone really explain to me why is there even a final order in place if he can continually break it and nothing is done......as far as FRO is concerned he paid something mam and they cant do anything as long as something is paid regardless if its a dollar..........OMG I cant believe I went through 8 months of pure hell for him to just do the same as he did before the final order was given by the judge..........other than giving my child a sense of beloinging with the order what was the point........that was hell and now lets start all over again........just doesnt seem right thats all.......but I can say that if this does go back to court I will go after everything.......his pension and everything!!!!!!!......Im not playing his game anymore.......first we will see come Sunday night if my child is not in my front door by 7pm Im calling the OPP to have my child returned and the ex arrested for kidnapping.......now you see how fed up I really am!!!!!!!!!!!Comment
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Hi Littleman
I really don't understand why FRO in your case is behaving like this.IN my case they were too active and started deducting his tax returns ,GST's etc etc.
You won't believe my ex paid me for two months directly though i informed the FRO but stillthey made sure to put the support in my account.So I am prepaid till NOV.
Everybody say FRO is slow but I will say they are wonderful
Take Care and keep bugging FRO.Its a matter of gettin g a right person on the lineComment
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Littleman,
Just some comments. Your ex really knows how to make you fume. SMILE!
No doubt their vehicle was replaced by proceeds of auto insurance. The police won't enforce the orders unless they are compelled to do so directly. Keep in mind that the police are a third party in your matter.Comment
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Don't confuse issues
Littleman,
You are combining all your issues with your ex into one. To be fair you must deal with them individually.
You have custody of the child but he is still the parent and that is for life and a parent does not need permission to take their own child in their car. Having an accident, or two even, is not bad parenting, it is bad driving, and if a married person had two accidents, the courts would not step in and force to arrange alternative transportation for their children, so why on earth do you feel it is reasonable for you to do so?
If he is not paying support, then deal with that. It sounds very difficult to collect, but you just have to keep trying using the normal channels. The child still needs his father and if the father is interested in seeing the child then it is a positive thing. Also, as hard as it is for some people, if the support payments are not that much, and he is not paying, have you considered just giving up? You may be causing yourself and your child more aggrevation that it is worth - giving up (aka accepting the situation) for your own sanity is so often overlooked by people in divorce.
Also, if your are talking about $93 support payments, then going to court would not make financial sense nor mental sense unless you enjoy "pure hell".
Watching the clock and being angry at the door when the child comes home, or calling the police, are NOT GOOD for your child, so get a grip of yourself and accept the situation and quit trying to fight, and focus on the child and stop focusing on your ex and both you and your child will be better off.Comment
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I think I'm more confused by the information in the posts than anything.
If there is an order and it's not being enforced, then do something about it. You can easily fill out the forms from the court website to bring the matter back to the courts on your own without a lawyer. I can certainly tell you it can be done - I'm self-represented.
While I understand your frustration, perhaps re-calculating your budget is the next step. Quite frankly I haven't a clue how you can't put shoes on your child with $93. Sure, it is a low amount to receive, but you will need to request full financial disclosure to find out what he should be paying when you file forms/request a court date if there is not already an order for a specific amount in place.
It doesn't seem to me that he's purposely getting into accidents, he's obviously a bad driver and will certainly be paying for that through his insurance premiums, but that doesn't equate to being a bad parent.
Unfortunately I only see two choices at this point. One would be to sit down & figure out your monthly budget - what you make, what your expenses are, and how you can save money (such as shopping at stores that sell shoes well under $93), then, knowing what your shortfall is every single month for your child, decide what is best. The second one of course would be to take the matter back to court, again, in the most cost effective way. Unfortunately you may need the services of a lawyer if you are unable to separate the emotions from the facts.
By now I would hope that you have been keeping a journal of events, dates, times, everything you can to reference as fact if you decide to take the matter to court. Going in there with guns blazing having no documentation or proof to back up your requests or needs will not get you any or some of the results you seek.
Good luck with whichever option you choose.Comment
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to Andrewskim.......I have been down this road with the ex before (going to court) ...I was self represented that time also and everthything went well.......I did not go into court guns blazing without proof.......of course I had documented proof of everything I took him to court for......and yes I cannot buy my child shoes that are less than 150$ whereas he has orthopedics........my child has extremely flat feet which in turns effects the alignment of the spine..........which is inherited from the father due to the height issue........I dont need to redo my budget whereas the last time he did this I needed to do that and have been living on the same one ever since considering I cannot depend on anyone else but myself for taking care of my child.........as far as the accidents I do believe that it was on purpose now for sure.........some strange way he is now after someone elses insurance company for settlement and the car was wrote off.......the ex has been known to do this type of thing before..........I spoke with OPP today and I can get a copy of the accident report but they cant tell me over the phone if he was charged or not...........
Im not sure you are reading the whole picture but no matter I think the only recourse I have is to return to court and have this settled once and for all........
to LV>.....I finally got one year of his assessment from him but he failed to file common law.....isnt that tax evation??? He has had me audited every year since the separation and they have found that I have done nothing wrong nor have I failed to claim anything or claimed anything I wasnt entitled to.........but him on the other hand is different.....I could call the squealer line for income tax but that would inevitably put him in jail.......Im not sure what to doComment
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You really do not want to add any salt to the wound by trying to get the tax man after him. Not claiming Cl in itself seems an insignificant issue to bring up when you are trying to get him to do right by his kids.
The situation that you are in is very frustrating and a delicate one to manoeuvre through.
I think "anderwskim" has made some good points.
If you have a budget that you are following but are still coming up short, (I don't think anyone here hasn't been there at least once in their life), you may need to revisit some of the areas for the time being until things change so that you are meeting your child’s needs without too much sacrifice.
Have you considered looking for alternate means of getting these orthopaedic shoes covered? Through your family doctor or maybe in your city you fall into a category that would facilitate partial or complete coverage for these special shoes based on your income level?
I'm just trying to find answers to how you can better provide for your child without further upsetting your ex. Not that he may not deserve it, but in order for you to have any level of communications with him he can’t think that every meeting with you will be a bashing.
As for the accidents, I would wait until I got a chance to review the report.
If he has had no history of this illegal "fraud" of the insurance company, I think even a seasoned professional may have difficulty showing this was the first of many for him. In some cases, he can be guilty by association, but it does seem like a difficult thing to prove even if you know for sure that this other person has done this in the past.
In short I’m trying to say, have you tried alternate paths to help with your child’s special needs? And you should wait until you get the report to pursue the accident fraud issue.
Maybe giving the report to the insurance agency with other leads you have on the activity of this other person, the insurance company could look into this based on your anonymously tip, so that the ex does not associate this to you.
Just something to ponder,
FLComment
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Littleman,
You said
"I could call the squealer line for income tax but that would inevitably put him in jail"
Just that you are considering calling 'the squealer' line suggests to me that you are dealing with this with anger and are part of the problem. If he is not paying what he is supposed to, that can be determined in court, or directly with him, but calling CRA is vindictive and uncooperative.
Also you said
"as far as the accidents I do believe that it was on purpose now for sure".
I suppose this could be true but it seems highly unlikely. How can being at fault in an accident be a good thing in any way? You can't sue, you only get money to replace a car that is the same value as the one you already have (minus the deductable!), and your insurance rates go up significantly. You are not making sense and you are not doing yourself any favours (or your child) with this unreasonable view of your ex.
I am an outsider and impartial as best as I can be. Your anger towards your ex is costing you money, time, and quality of life. MOVE ON. Pursue what is reasonable for support, but you have to let the emotions go. You child can feel all this tension you are giving off. What you present here are not the words of someone who is being reasonable. I am not talking about your ex, you can't control or change him, you can only worry about yourself, and how you conduct yourself to resolve your past and move into your future.Comment
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Littleman,
It is clear that you are very angry, perhaps rightfully so. I appear not to be the only one who feels that you letting this get the best of you. Frankly, I would be very surprised if your frustration/anger is not filtering down to your child.
My ex has severe substance abuse/addiction/mental health issues which have caused me and our children no end of agony. But I have to put it aside to better parent our kids.
So do you.Comment
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