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  • Teen wanting to live at OP

    16 year old has decided he wants to live at OP.
    There are no specific reasons given, other than that he finds it hard to move back and forth. He loves me very much but has a preference to stay at OP.

    I expressed that this made me sad and hurt and that I will miss him dearly. I asked what I could do about it, he says nothing, this is just what he prefers and OP agrees. He still wants to see me but only some weekends, vacation etc...

    Besides the disappointment, there are financial consequences. We are currently 50/50 with a very small offset and no drama. OP will be asking for full C/S for sure. Financial austerity will be in order and all the nice extras will need to go.

    I am wondering what else I should say or do:

    -Nothing more. It is his choice. Suck it up, shut up, cut down on expenses and move on?
    -Explain to the kid very clearly the financial implications on me? At this age, I think he should hear it, but maybe I am wrong?
    - Explain the consequences on him as far as vacations, and all other extras. This will have to go, full stop. Effective immediately. It is not a punishment, just reality.

    I know many have been in that situation. Curious on how you handled it.

  • #2
    I guess it depends on what your intention is and what outcome you're trying to achieve. I would think bringing him into the middle of a financial arrangement between his parents is not going to go well and would make him feel resentful.

    I'd have him discuss with each of you what he sees the plan as for living arrangements, if it makes sense and is in his best interest then move forward with a new agreement.

    He isn't responsible for handling your finances, and letting him know he's the reason you can't have nice things and it's the consequences of him wanting to live with the other parent is probably going to be damaging for your relationship.
    Last edited by blinkandimgone; 02-27-2022, 08:38 AM. Reason: Aeiou

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    • #3
      Three years ago you posted about kid being on the computer too much and how things were better at the other parents house. Did this change or is the other house more lenient? Could this be the reason? Have you tried relaxing your rules a bit?

      Blink is right, do not drag kid into your finances. That will only make them dislike you. For whatever reason things aren’t working at your house. The good news is kid is 16 which means only about six years of cs!

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      • #4
        Nope, never been in that situation but I would think that guilting the kid into staying with you for child support may work short term but long term it will not look good in his eyes and he will see you as someone that used him.

        It may even backfire immediately. He is 16, not 8.

        You definitely have to figure out how to tell him you can't directly pay for his summer soccer camp or whatever but you will work with his dad to see you get what you want in that regards. Sounds like the dad was paying for it anyways and that would be good to mention too.

        https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ad.php?t=22857

        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        Three years ago you posted about kid being on the computer too much and how things were better at the other parents house.
        I my have read the computer thread above and it didn't say things were better at the other parents house; fewer boundaries doesn't define better for all kids. Is there some other thread?

        I don't know if the other parent is a better or worse parent or what their full parenting style is; letting a kid screw up is a valuable life lesson. I don't know if money is motivating the father or not, they let the parent know what they thought was best. You definitely have to communicate with the dad, but don't be surprised if they are content with how this has worked out.

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